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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tight fisted friend.

108 replies

Manders64 · 22/05/2023 14:08

I have friend (few years now) who is great fun and I love her company - but… she comes over often for dinner and stays over. She has often arrived empty handed and drunk and smoked and eaten here. I mentioned the mooching once and she took the hint and started arriving with a bottle of wine (which she drinks). Last night she arrived with an opened bottle of gin and some tonic saying she couldn’t find my favorite wine. We drank my wine, smoked, ate dinner and drank my whisky. She stayed over and had breakfast and took leftovers for her lunch. I then noticed she’d taken her gin and tonic with her - this has super irritated me as I feel that she’s taking liberties AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Manders64 · 22/05/2023 16:20

MonumentalLentil · 22/05/2023 15:48

That gin came from another house she scrounges from, and will go to the next one and so on, until someone manages to keep it long enough to drink it.

I have a horrible feeling that you’re right! 😂😂

OP posts:
WarmButteryCrumpets · 22/05/2023 16:20

OnedayIwillfeelfree · 22/05/2023 15:45

Oh God, don’t go out for a meal with her, she won’t split the bill. She will be adding up everything she had, then probably won’t ‘believe ‘ in tipping. Behaviour like that ruins a meal for me.

I bet she will want to split the bill, after she's eaten way more than anyone else! 😂

billy1966 · 22/05/2023 16:25

You are being used.

Kindly meant but find your self respect.

You are a nicer person, but she is a horrible user who is making a terrible fool out of you.

You really deserve better.

Original poster
Manders64 · 22/05/2023 16:28

billy1966 · 22/05/2023 16:25

You are being used.

Kindly meant but find your self respect.

You are a nicer person, but she is a horrible user who is making a terrible fool out of you.

You really deserve better.

Thank you, I suspect that this is very close to the truth…

OP posts:
YouNeverSeeTheRealMe · 22/05/2023 16:38

Don't invite her round. She's a greedy, selfish, cheeky cow.

Lunde · 22/05/2023 16:38

Mooching seems to be her way of life at the moment so that she spends very little of her own money - I mean she

  • "sofa surfs" ie lives at other peoples' homes for free until she outstays her welcome and doesn't have to bother with living costs and utillities etc
  • "has been rennovating" for a year - on the cheap using other peoples' free labour an expertise until they get fed up and drift away
  • expects people to "host" her for meals, drinks etc but never reciprocates or offers to bring a takeaway etc - when was the last time she "hosted"

I would bet that the gin was "borrowed" from drinks cupboard of the current mugs sofa surf hosts and she relied on you providing the booze

starfishmummy · 22/05/2023 17:09

Manders64 · 22/05/2023 14:40

I nearly did put it in The drinks cabinet.arrrrrrr

Have you checked that nothing in your cabinet has walked off with her as well?

Iknowthis1 · 22/05/2023 17:13

Essentially, she's made herself homeless for the last year by starting a massive renovation that she doesn't have the funds to finish. She's now sponging off everyone she knows and is expecting people to work for free on her renovation.

She needs a reality check and probably needs to sell the house and live somewhere she can actually afford. Stop subsididing her. It's not doing either of you and favours.

Billyoh · 22/05/2023 17:16

littleripper · 22/05/2023 14:22

I'd text her tonight
"lovely evening and fancied a little G&T where did you put it?"
then when she admits taking it reply:
"oh, ok"

and then wait for her to apologise/get it or don't invite her again

I like this

BluebellBlueballs · 22/05/2023 17:32

I'd go out for a meal with her and 'forget' your purse

Payback time!

Throughalookingglass · 22/05/2023 17:48

Stop inviting her.
Its really easy.
If she suggests meeting up, say that you can't be arsed cooking and you're out of wine. She will make other arrangements.

Ponoka7 · 22/05/2023 17:54

You haven't answered if she could be genuinely skint.

Original poster
Manders64 · 22/05/2023 17:59

Ponoka7 · 22/05/2023 17:54

You haven't answered if she could be genuinely skint.

Well she earns twice as much as me and I’m pretty much on the breadline (hence eating at home as going out is too expensive at the moment)

OP posts:
allthewoes · 22/05/2023 18:03

If she comes again, say "I've been feeding you for weeks, you can bring a take away tonight!"

Thesharkradar · 22/05/2023 18:08

BMW6 · 22/05/2023 14:15

Christ don't eat out with her - she'll have forgotten her purse!

Tell her it's her turn to host and provide all the food and booze?

could be fun, expect her to claim she forgot her purse, and forget yours too😂

TomatoSandwiches · 22/05/2023 18:09

Manders64 · 22/05/2023 17:59

Well she earns twice as much as me and I’m pretty much on the breadline (hence eating at home as going out is too expensive at the moment)

Show quote history

She is a greedy, rude freeloader, I wouldn't invite her again, the longer it continues the more brazen she will become.

Huntler · 22/05/2023 18:10

Earnings notwithstanding, it all sounds pretty precarious and liable to crash around her at any given moment if she doesn't actually have a habitable home. Next time you invite her I'd maybe just be explicit about getting her to bring something that you can eat/cook/drink together.

Have to say I'd be less pissed off about someone like this than someone who has a regular life, stable home etc and who was being misery tight and never wanting to contribute to shared meals etc. She sounds more of a grifter than a miser which is much easier to deal with - just needs reminding of social norms.

ThereIbledit · 22/05/2023 18:11

So stop inviting her until her home is done (if ever) and then invite yourself around and do the same back to her.

ArseMenagerie · 22/05/2023 18:12

Next time day: “Sorry (friend) I don’t feel like hosting tonight - too tired and broke. I’ll come to you though when you’re all set up”

TheGander · 22/05/2023 18:22

She sounds outrageous.
I have a cousin like that, she came and stayed for 11 days, and gifted us a packet of crackers and a tub of yoghurt. I put up with it because she’s family and it only happens every few years. I think from a friend it would really piss me off and lead to an unravelling of the friendship over time.

WhyOhWine · 22/05/2023 18:24

I have a friend who often comes to mine for dinner. She generally stays over because we don't live that close and it means she can have wine. The reason she always comes here is that she has anxiety and really hates having people in her flat. She will always bring a bottle of wine and sometimes something she has baked. When she stays over she often pops out and gets croissants for breakfast. We do sometimes go out (and split the bill, although she sometimes offers to pay the whole bill which i don't accept). I am absolutely fine with this and do not mind that i am never invited to hers in the circumstances.

Your friend is pretty appalling however. I agree with PPs who suggested that next time she comes, ask her to pick up a takeaway. Her reaction to that will tell you all you need to know.

Hadroncollideer · 22/05/2023 19:40

Your friend is particularly appaling given that she earns twice as much as you.

I have a tight friend. Any social do we try to ensure her wine is opened to reduce the chance of it being taken home!.
And being blunt at times helps

I think the issue is that most of us are hardwired to be polite and not tight ourselves. Recently I paid for something, friend said she would pay me back , even calculating how much was owed...but then didn't pay up! Its a relatively small amount so chasing it somehow seems petty.

Mumuser124 · 22/05/2023 20:46

Maybe she just doesn’t realise? She may think you are being hospitalable and just ‘one of those people that give’?

I only say this because I often have people over and would find it odd if they bought things with them without being pre arranged. I just offer food and drinks without thinking.

Then again, I am an ex smoker and if somebody repeatedly smoked my cigarettes that would have annoyed me. I was pretty liberal with offering them out anyway so if somebody kept coming without, it would have annoyed me. Me and my friends aren’t drinkers so I can’t comment on how annoying that may be, but I imagine it would annoy me after a while with the cost.

I think I’d say something along the lines of, ‘short on wine and cigs, bring if you need’.

DrManhattan · 22/05/2023 21:14

Takes two people to make a door mat....

Original poster
Manders64 · 22/05/2023 21:24

DrManhattan · 22/05/2023 21:14

Takes two people to make a door mat....

Yes I know it’s my issue not hers…😂

OP posts:
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