Tight fisted friend.

[Manders64]

I have friend (few years now) who is great fun and I love her company - but… she comes over often for dinner and stays over. She has often arrived empty handed and drunk and smoked and eaten here. I mentioned the mooching once and she took the hint and started arriving with a bottle of wine (which she drinks). Last night she arrived with an opened bottle of gin and some tonic saying she couldn’t find my favorite wine. We drank my wine, smoked, ate dinner and drank my whisky. She stayed over and had breakfast and took leftovers for her lunch. I then noticed she’d taken her gin and tonic with her - this has super irritated me as I feel that she’s taking liberties AIBU?

She sounds thoroughly unpleasant, a greedy freeloader. There are a lot of very kind and understanding people here talking sympathetically about the cost of renovations and how perhaps she is embarrassed or skint, what about the cost of constantly entertaining her??! I could not be friends with such a mean and grasping person - that lack of generosity is hugely off putting. Sorry but I would not invite her round again. Dont allow yourself to be used. I would lay good money on the fact that if her renovations ever get completed and she has people round, she will never host you in thanks for what youve done, youll be expected to arrive with chanpagne, flowers, a housewarming gift etc etc

She is getting you (and no doubt others to subsidise) her renovations. Wouldn't you rather pay for things for you with your money? What kind of person thinks others should pay for them? Not a good friend, not someone you want in your life. Takers disappear when there is nothing on offer for them anyway. Elevate your self esteem, you are worth much more than this, and remove this parasite from your life.

WOW. Some people….

She sounds thoroughly unpleasant, a greedy freeloader

Absolutely. I don't think a "friend" behaving like this is even slightly funny. I think she's completely contemptuous of OP

‘This is ours’ killed me off 🙊

I always bring drink to my family and friends house, quite a bit, we like to have drink flowing lol often next morning there are lots of drink ive brough left unopened and i would die of shame rather than take it home with me again, this kind of thing really irritates me. Not so much the eating and drinking at your house, i mean you are hosting her afterall, but taking home what she has brought is the epitome of low class

Hi op I dont like tightness either. My friend can be like that delaying at till to pay. Some people are mean.

I must be in the minority. I don’t expect friends to bring anything if I’m hosting and I don’t mind them eating and drinking my stuff. Wouldn’t expect them to take something home with them if they’d brought it as a gift. I wouldn’t offer to host if I expected them to provide food and drink

Presumably you invite her, I'd start asking her to bring dinner with her. "I won't have time to go to the shop can you pick up a couple of pizzas? I've got wine in."

I don't drink, but had to smile at those people who bring wine, then take it home with them. Almost like giving it a little outing to visit people before it gets consumed back at home

The state of her house is not your problem

either stop inviting her over, or if she does come put everything you don’t want her to drink away, put water on the table if she doesn’t bring any wine, and tell her why it’s there, hide the leftovers if thee are any, or put up with it

your choice

How on earth did she manage to leave with leftovers?
You'd already given her dinner!

Let me guess: you host sometimes, and go to theirs sometimes? That's very different from it being all one way traffic. OP has clearly been happy to host, and supply food and drink, for quite a while but as it's never reciprocated then that's just taking the piss and the gin incident might just be the straw that broke the camel's back.

There is nothing less attractive than a moocher. I understand that some people have little spare cash in present economic times, but dignity costs nothing! She is not only freeloading but using you for free lunch etc. If you want to test this friendship, tell her you have hit a cash crisis and can you do free or cheap stuff outside your home? Walks in the park or a shared picnic cost little to nothing. She'll run away faster than roadrunner and you will be richer for that!

Oh God, don’t go out for a meal with her, she won’t split the bill. She will be adding up everything she had, then probably won’t ‘believe ‘ in tipping. Behaviour like that ruins a meal for me.

Next time she asks to come over can you suggest she picks up some pizzas or something?

OP you haven't responded to any of the opinions on this thread,

Some people are just too comfortable, but as others have said it is probably better to meet on neutral ground where she doesn't have the option to impose herself on you like she is clearly doing

It's her turn to take you out for dinner rather than you hosting...she won't. But don't invite her round again. It'll fester and destroy a friendship. The weather is nicer, arrange to meet for a picnic - each provide their own - or invite her round and tell her to share.

I have friends who we do this with - bring a pudding or cheese or meet up for a picnic.

That gin came from another house she scrounges from, and will go to the next one and so on, until someone manages to keep it long enough to drink it.

Your friend will keep doing this to friends until they put her right. Be a good friend and tell her to stop taking the p!

Just say your sick of always forking out and it's her turn now, 'where are you taking me' with a big grin. She should start being less takey x

just dont provide any drink next time,

I'd say to her, I'm cooking dinner so you bring pudding. The gin, I get why she'd take it back. I went to a party where we all had to bring snacks. This lady only stayed an hour, she went to the table, took the crisps she brought (that were opened and being eaten) and left! I remember thinking, what a tight arse.

Yes I do think that the gin was going too far and it will end our friendship.. 😭

I have been commenting - but only just worked out how to do it to the right person! I’m new here, please bear with me!