Page 20 | Sibs think we should sell to pay care home fees

SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 2023-05-21T22:15:43+00:00

Context: Victorian semi, converted into two one bed flats by myself and my parents in the '90s. I married and DH and I have continued to live in and own the ground floor flat, with extension and garden (and paid off the bloody mortgage!) , parents owned (paid for outright) and lived in the upper flat. Mum died a decade ago and Dad has recently moved into a care home so his flat has to be sold to pay the fees. DH is also battling a chronic illness. My brothers (2 of them) think that we should "just sell the whole house and we'll find you "somewhere to live". My Sis is telling them to back off and I just want everyone to go away and leave me alone. Sorry, just needed to vent.

tonyatotter · 22/05/2023 21:05

Flippin Heck OP, what a couple of bar stewards - I'm glad you have put your foot down, hold your ground, even if you do eventually sell down the road, do it long after your dads flat has been sold which will bugger up their nasty plans.

Sorry you have lost your brothers, but really, they wern't worth having, enjoy your home and DH, have no further comms, particularly on this issue.

Tellmeimcrazy · 22/05/2023 21:05

SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 22/05/2023 20:56

I've spoken to my sister who has spoken to our other brother (B). Apparently Bro A and his mate want to buy the 2 flats to rent out. They're planning to reduce the size of the garden, tarmac the larger part and rent out what could probably amount to 8 or 9 small parking spaces! Quite what B would get out of this arrangement is unclear (although sis and I both think he might be the mate). So ... 2 flats rented at around a £ 1000 and £1300 a month, plus the guaranteed parking spaces at maybe £30 a week gives them a nice income and they don't even want to pay me the full price for my flat and garden!

I've e-mailed A and B, saying that I don't appreciate them trying to bully me into selling my flat TO THEM, particularly when they've not been honest about being the buyers, knowing DH is unwell (and essentially leaving all decision making to me at the moment). I've also pointed out that the 50/50 split they wanted was really shafting me and if they continue to push the issue I'll get a solicitor involved. I've told them that I want no further contact with them.

My sister has also emailed them, saying that Dad gave his daughters joint LPA over his health and wealth not them and that Dads insistence that "his girls" look after him now makes perfect sense. She's also said that she wants no further contact with them.

I'm angry but also confused. My brothers have always been a little condescending but it never occurred to me that they might try something like this.

Wow OP I am so sorry your brothers are horrible. What a God send you have a lovely sister!

Your brothers have been condescending because they think they are smarter than you, but they aren't! Your dad saw thru this! Well done him!

You've both got PA so you can do things properly between the 2 of you.

Omg and they were trying to convince you to sell under the guise of looking after your dad!

How did sis find out?

Tellmeimcrazy · 22/05/2023 21:06

Ah sorry brother B told her! Just re read the first bit x

bellac11 · 22/05/2023 21:08

But it doesnt make any sense, they could buy 2 flats any old place, or a run down house and turn it into flats? Why yours and their dads?

tonyatotter · 22/05/2023 21:10

As you and sis have LPA, make sure if you do sell the flat you don't sell it to one of the brothers or their mates (bit of due dil on the buyer) or get a buy to let mortgage and take it on as a rental opportunity.

You can get a DPA (deferred Payment Agreement) from the LA which will forstall that sale until after your dad has passed on thus pushing it further down the road away from dodgy brothers.

katmarie · 22/05/2023 21:11

bellac11 · 22/05/2023 21:08

But it doesnt make any sense, they could buy 2 flats any old place, or a run down house and turn it into flats? Why yours and their dads?

Because they probably think they could bully the op into a very low price for them.

Cheeky fuckers! Glad you've told them where to go OP.

tonyatotter · 22/05/2023 21:12

bellac11 · 22/05/2023 21:08

But it doesnt make any sense, they could buy 2 flats any old place, or a run down house and turn it into flats? Why yours and their dads?

Not run down, all ready made and they can con sis into selling - one flaw in the plan is they would still have to pay the care fees from somewhere.

Floralnomad · 22/05/2023 21:12

bellac11 · 22/05/2023 21:08

But it doesnt make any sense, they could buy 2 flats any old place, or a run down house and turn it into flats? Why yours and their dads?

Because they obviously thought they could get the OP to sell them cheaply .

tonyatotter · 22/05/2023 21:13

tonyatotter · 22/05/2023 21:12

Not run down, all ready made and they can con sis into selling - one flaw in the plan is they would still have to pay the care fees from somewhere.

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Sorry, being daft, they buy fathers flat, that money pays care, they rip off sis for a cheap deal.

bellac11 · 22/05/2023 21:13

katmarie · 22/05/2023 21:11

Because they probably think they could bully the op into a very low price for them.

Cheeky fuckers! Glad you've told them where to go OP.

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Maybe, but it still doesnt seem to make financial sense, even the cost of making a parking area, planning permission, access etc for 30 quid a week, it would take a long time to recoup the cost. Presumably this is an area where the parking is needed. Plus buy to let is not as lucrative as it used to be, taxes etc, well I keep reading that anyway

bellac11 · 22/05/2023 21:15

tonyatotter · 22/05/2023 21:12

Not run down, all ready made and they can con sis into selling - one flaw in the plan is they would still have to pay the care fees from somewhere.

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Why would they have to pay the care home fees, the father would be paid for his flat and he would pay his accommodation costs out of that.

Not that this idea has any merit of course, but they are not liable for any fees, neither is OP

tonyatotter · 22/05/2023 21:15

The really good bit is they are claiming they will be giving some of the money they pay for sisters house to dads care, when in fact they are pocketing it!!

Wankers, but you've got to admire their little scheme, its like the plot of an episode of Hustle!

bellac11 · 22/05/2023 21:16

tonyatotter · 22/05/2023 21:13

Sorry, being daft, they buy fathers flat, that money pays care, they rip off sis for a cheap deal.

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Yes, couple of con artists

pippinsleftleg · 22/05/2023 21:19

Any chance you can buy your dad’s flat? Then you can let it out and choose who lives above you… and really piss off your brothers.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 22/05/2023 21:21

your sister and you should by the upper flat as a buy to let! That would seriously piss your brothers off!

Original poster

SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 22/05/2023 21:24

bellac11 · 22/05/2023 21:08

But it doesnt make any sense, they could buy 2 flats any old place, or a run down house and turn it into flats? Why yours and their dads?

Not just their Dad, he's a father of 4, including me! No they could not buy two flats that are not run down, and the grounds to turn into parking spaces anywhere else in this area.

OP posts:

bellac11 · 22/05/2023 21:24

I would do that just to spite them if I could afford it

I know thats terrible

johnnydeppsslipper · 22/05/2023 21:32

@SeriouslyTryadifferentstory

I'm really sorry your having to deal
With two shitty siblings at the same time as looking after a very I'll husband.

What a shit pair of assholes they are.

Glad your sister has got your back.

Grit your teeth and hold on tight op

4plusthehound · 22/05/2023 21:33

Grumpy67i8 · 22/05/2023 18:41

I'm really confused why your brothers are suggesting this? It's so beyond unreasonable, I don't understand it!

Because they are wankers and are trying to pull a fast one.

Original poster

SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 22/05/2023 21:36

4plusthehound · 22/05/2023 21:33

Because they are wankers and are trying to pull a fast one.

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This as far as I can tell :-)

OP posts:

LaLaLouella · 22/05/2023 21:37

I feel for you Op, it's so disappointing when people you thought you knew and you trusted turn out to be complete wankers.

Say no and mean it and take comfort in your Sister, your father and your DH, I hope his health improves soon.

4plusthehound · 22/05/2023 21:39

SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 22/05/2023 21:36

This as far as I can tell :-)

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I think you have lost two brothers there Seriously.

I have seen this happen (brothers turning in this way when money is involved) more than I would like.

Pipsquiggle · 22/05/2023 21:39

What absolute wankers.

MargotBamborough · 22/05/2023 21:48

SeriouslyTryadifferentstory · 22/05/2023 20:56

I've spoken to my sister who has spoken to our other brother (B). Apparently Bro A and his mate want to buy the 2 flats to rent out. They're planning to reduce the size of the garden, tarmac the larger part and rent out what could probably amount to 8 or 9 small parking spaces! Quite what B would get out of this arrangement is unclear (although sis and I both think he might be the mate). So ... 2 flats rented at around a £ 1000 and £1300 a month, plus the guaranteed parking spaces at maybe £30 a week gives them a nice income and they don't even want to pay me the full price for my flat and garden!

I've e-mailed A and B, saying that I don't appreciate them trying to bully me into selling my flat TO THEM, particularly when they've not been honest about being the buyers, knowing DH is unwell (and essentially leaving all decision making to me at the moment). I've also pointed out that the 50/50 split they wanted was really shafting me and if they continue to push the issue I'll get a solicitor involved. I've told them that I want no further contact with them.

My sister has also emailed them, saying that Dad gave his daughters joint LPA over his health and wealth not them and that Dads insistence that "his girls" look after him now makes perfect sense. She's also said that she wants no further contact with them.

I'm angry but also confused. My brothers have always been a little condescending but it never occurred to me that they might try something like this.

I don't see what the point of this would be unless they think they would get your dad's flat and/or yours for less than market rate.

Obviously you're not going to sell them your flat for less than market rate, or even AT market rate. Perhaps you would sell to someone willing to pay over the odds, but I doubt your brother is that person. And they cannot buy your dad's flat for less than market rate because firstly there's a risk of you all being pursued for unlawful deprivation of assets if your dad ends up needing more care than the sale of his flat can pay for, and secondly you and your sister are your dad's attorneys under the LPA and why would you agree to that?

Literally the only way I would consider selling your flat would be if you and your DH fixed in your own minds a price you would sell for, and your dad's flat went on the market, and a buyer came along who was willing to pay the asking price for your dad's flat AND the price you would sell for in order to get both properties.

I probably wouldn't want to sell your dad's flat to your brother even if he wasn't a patronising arsehole who reckons he'll "find you somewhere else to live", purely because there will always be a risk that the council will argue that he got it for less than market price and come after you for a contribution to care costs.

TomatoSandwiches · 22/05/2023 21:48

I would remind brother B that if Brother A is capable of trying to manipulate yourself into a shit position financially he is more than capable of doing it to him eventually.

Any further contact would have to be through a solicitor because I wouldn't be able to hold my tongue.
It would be amazing if you could buy the flat upstairs but I appreciate it may not be possible.

I like that your father has the measure of your brothers though, I hope he gets to enjoy the remainder of his time.