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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First world problems - who should go on holiday?

81 replies

EmmetEmma · 21/05/2023 21:05

My husband and I live more as friends. We have three children. We often don’t have money to go on a big family holiday, but we came up with the idea that we could perhaps go away separately with the children.

My husband went away with my son in January for a long weekend.

I have just come into a bit of money and want to take the girls away - I could possibly take them out of school for a few nights and we were considering going to Egypt. My son thinks this isn’t fair as he didn’t get to miss school when he went to Morocco and he wants to come and to pay the cost of it from his savings - I think the girls think that’s unfair and potentially also don’t want to be over ruled on various things by their brother.

I can’t think how to make it fair - going to Egypt would cost the same per capita as my son and husband spent but I don’t want my son to feel left out or unwanted - but equally he has already had a trip.

OP posts:
olympicsrock · 21/05/2023 21:07

This is a girls trip. He can do something with you next time. He’s had his trip, missing school is irrelevant.

bibbityboppityboo · 21/05/2023 21:08

Missing school is neither here nor there - he's had a boys trip, you should have a girls trip. £££ spent is the same!

It is unfair - he got to go on his holiday with your H, it's your girls turn to go on their holiday.

underneaththeash · 21/05/2023 21:08

How old are they and why are they missing school? Just go in the holidays.

Maray1967 · 21/05/2023 21:09

olympicsrock · 21/05/2023 21:07

This is a girls trip. He can do something with you next time. He’s had his trip, missing school is irrelevant.

Exactly.

Original poster
EmmetEmma · 21/05/2023 21:10

Thank you everyone!

OP posts:
EvilElsa · 21/05/2023 21:15

It would be a no from me on this occasion. He had a trip in January which presumably the girls didn't moan about or get to join. He will get another opportunity in the future (presumably with you this time?).

DiscoBeat · 21/05/2023 21:16

Where did they go in January?

LucyIoo · 21/05/2023 21:17

I'd let him come and pay, and the girls can know next time that they can pay out of their savings if there's one they dont want to miss.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 21/05/2023 21:18

So you don’t have money to go on a family holiday, but you have money for everyone to go on separate holidays?

Awrite · 21/05/2023 21:22

Girls trip.

Your son has no right to moan.

Original poster
EmmetEmma · 21/05/2023 21:29

@saltinesandcoffeecups yep.

OP posts:
Applebyapples · 21/05/2023 21:30

I don't really understand how you say you can afford two holidays for 2 and then 3 people, but can't afford a holiday for 5? Doing it this way is bound to cause resentment, the children are always going to be jealous when it's the others' turn for the holiday, or think the others got a better trip than they did... that's just the nature of siblings. Personally I think all or none of the children should go on holiday

CrystalCoco · 21/05/2023 21:31

Girl's trip 100%

Your DS is chancing his arm here

Original poster
EmmetEmma · 21/05/2023 21:31

Sorry posted too soon - we didn’t necessarily know if we would have more money later in the year which we could spend on holidays.

It seemed like a nice thing for them to get away in January for a long weekend - much, much cheaper to pay for two then five and there were no kennel costs for the dogs.

OP posts:
FrownedUpon · 21/05/2023 21:33

Girls trip sounds great. Don’t let your DS muscle in on it. He had his trip already.

Original poster
EmmetEmma · 21/05/2023 21:33

@Applebyapples I agree. If I could go back I would change it.

I just stupidly thought it would be more workable - and happen more often - if it was possible for different combinations of people to go off and do different things which interested them.

it started from the idea that my son and husband might go overseas to watch a football game.

OP posts:
Myotherusernameisonholiday · 21/05/2023 21:33

While I feel like yes, your son has already had a boys trip, I do empathise with him as it's probably a different kind of holiday he had vs going away with at least one sibling. I guess it also depends how old your kids are and what your son got to do in Morocco. Would it be an equivalent experience that he had vs going to Egypt? Is Egypt somewhere he'd have rather gone to given the choice? Did he really want to go to Morocco 'alone' without his sisters? It's really hard to tell who is in the right, but if it was me I'd be gently asking these sort of questions and trying to make sure no one feels left out Flowers

JMSA · 21/05/2023 21:36

How old are the children?
If your son is 18, he's old enough to accept that he has had his holiday and that this is a girls' trip.
If he's 10, it kinda sucks Grin
I don't really think everyone's a winner with these separate trips, as there's always going to be someone who feels left out or hard done to.

DustyLee123 · 21/05/2023 21:36

He had an abroad holiday at that time, so no he doesn’t get to go.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 21/05/2023 21:37

If your son is willing to pay for himself, then I really don’t see the issue. Yes he’s had an extra holiday, but he’s had to pay for it.

YoucancallmeKAREN · 21/05/2023 21:40

More to the point why would he be able to over rule what they wanted to do on holiday ? Do his needs and wants come first ?

GrumpyPanda · 21/05/2023 21:41

So you originally thought there might only be money enough for a trip for two, and your son was chosen for that? And now that more funding has become available, you've set up the girls' trip almost as an afterthought? If so, then it's unbelievably entitled of ds to whine.

saltandpepper86 · 21/05/2023 21:42

I think if you and your husband don't want to holiday together you take it in turn who takes all 3 kids. Then the other gets to holiday alone/with a friend that year. Then the next year swap. Personally I wouldn't split siblings for a holiday unless one child was an older teen and didn't want to go

aloris · 21/05/2023 21:44

EmmetEmma · 21/05/2023 21:31

Sorry posted too soon - we didn’t necessarily know if we would have more money later in the year which we could spend on holidays.

It seemed like a nice thing for them to get away in January for a long weekend - much, much cheaper to pay for two then five and there were no kennel costs for the dogs.

So, when you didn't know if there would be money for everyone to go on a holiday, your son was picked as the only kid who might have a holiday this year? And now he's complaining because he also wants to go on a second holiday, when the girls have only had one holiday? Something is wrong with this picture.

I think you need to re-think how you handle your holidays. Even if you and your husband don't feel comfortable holidaying together, it doesn't send a good message to the girls that their brother was picked to possibly be the only one to get a holiday. I think if you allow this to go on, the relationships between your children will be affected.

Inyournightgarden · 21/05/2023 21:44

Your family sounds nuts, no offence, but never heard such a daft approach to travel