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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

First world problems - who should go on holiday?

81 replies

EmmetEmma · 21/05/2023 21:05

My husband and I live more as friends. We have three children. We often don’t have money to go on a big family holiday, but we came up with the idea that we could perhaps go away separately with the children.

My husband went away with my son in January for a long weekend.

I have just come into a bit of money and want to take the girls away - I could possibly take them out of school for a few nights and we were considering going to Egypt. My son thinks this isn’t fair as he didn’t get to miss school when he went to Morocco and he wants to come and to pay the cost of it from his savings - I think the girls think that’s unfair and potentially also don’t want to be over ruled on various things by their brother.

I can’t think how to make it fair - going to Egypt would cost the same per capita as my son and husband spent but I don’t want my son to feel left out or unwanted - but equally he has already had a trip.

OP posts:
SarahLucSc · 21/05/2023 21:47

What is this ‘girls trip’ and ‘boys trip’ business? Is gender relevant?!

JMSA · 21/05/2023 21:51

SarahLucSc · 21/05/2023 21:47

What is this ‘girls trip’ and ‘boys trip’ business? Is gender relevant?!

Oh, come on. It's just the way it was split.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/05/2023 21:51

How old are they?

So you and DH basically don't want to holiday together cos your more like cohabiting co-parents rather than partners.

The girls don't want him to come cos they think he'll overrule them and spoil the holiday.

You can't afford to go as a 5 but DS has sufficient money in his savings to pay for himself.

Does it normally fall into boys and girls? Why did he take just DS to Morocco?

JMSA · 21/05/2023 21:53

I see your son only got a long weekend away though, so if you were planning to be away considerably longer, I can understand why he might be feeling slightly aggrieved!

Original poster
EmmetEmma · 21/05/2023 21:54

No, it wasn’t like that @GrumpyPanda - he’s not at all entitled, he just wants to use his savings to come on holiday with us.

It was more mishandled by me really. It seemed like a good idea at the time, it clearly wasn’t - I now want to get everyone out of it feeling happy and not hard done by.

OP posts:
pilates · 21/05/2023 21:58

I think you’ve caused resentment between your children. It was a bad idea. All go or none.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 21/05/2023 21:59

How old are the kids?

Original poster
EmmetEmma · 21/05/2023 22:00

This is the first time it’s happened. There’s not any preference for which parent goes with which kid - it’s just the way it ended up this time as it started from the idea that they might go and see a football game - which neither I nor my daughters have much interest in.

My son wouldn’t intentionally overrule his sisters, he is just older and more confident and the more people you have somewhere the more likely you will have to divide time doing what other people want to do.

Thanks everyone for your input. I think that the best thing to do is make the holidays as equal as possible and stick with it just being those who didn’t go last time.

OP posts:
Original poster
EmmetEmma · 21/05/2023 22:01

@Pilates - yep, you are totally right - I accept that completely, I’m now trying to work out how to resolve it.

OP posts:
WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter · 21/05/2023 22:02

How long will be going to Egypt for? He had a long weekend...

Original poster
EmmetEmma · 21/05/2023 22:05

Yes - I think that’s the crux @WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter, @JMSA pointed that out too - I think it needs to be same length of time - I think I’d been more focussed on making it cost the same but I think length of time is as critical in fairness. Thank you!

OP posts:
Unicorn2022 · 21/05/2023 22:08

It's a really weird way to live - I don't blame your son for wanting to spend his savings on a trip as going away for a weekend with his dad is hardly the same as going away as a family with his siblings.

JMSA · 21/05/2023 22:09

I do sympathise OP - it's not easy.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 21/05/2023 22:10

Any idea on the age of the kids?

Inyournightgarden · 21/05/2023 22:11

saltinesandcoffeecups · 21/05/2023 22:10

Any idea on the age of the kids?

They’re her kids so she’s bound to have an idea ;-)

what2eat · 21/05/2023 22:13

How old are they?

saltinesandcoffeecups · 21/05/2023 22:14

Inyournightgarden · 21/05/2023 22:11

They’re her kids so she’s bound to have an idea ;-)

Show quote history

And yet it’s relevant to the question asked. Is this one of the last chances to travel as a family or are the kids under 5 and have a relative lifetime for family vacations

Original poster
EmmetEmma · 21/05/2023 22:15

The elder two are at secondary school and the youngest is at primary school

OP posts:
00100001 · 21/05/2023 22:19

So bizarre.

You didn't have much money, so decided to send DH and DS on a small trip away, with no indication that there'd be any more money coming for holidays.... So the girls were never going to get a holiday?

Why wouldn't you just save up and go away as a family at a later date?

ohnonowwhat · 21/05/2023 22:19

Does sound a bit mean to leave him, especially as presumably you're going for longer than a long weekend? I adore Morocco but it's not really in the same league as Egypt for sightseeing, to go to Egypt and see the pyramids, Nile, Valley of the Kings etc is a big thing for a lot of people (even if they're underwhelmed once they do it!). If you're just going to Sharm to sit on sunloungers then that's different and he should stay home but if it's a full Egypt tour he should go or better still, have a long weekend with the girls which is equivalent to Morocco and go to Egypt next year as a family. (I also found Egpyt a lot more uncomfortable as a female than Morocco, and Egyptian touts are a lot more aggressive and unrelenting - you may feel more comfortable with your menfolk there!)

DojaPhat · 21/05/2023 22:21

Inyournightgarden · 21/05/2023 21:44

Your family sounds nuts, no offence, but never heard such a daft approach to travel

Grin How old are all the kids?
XelaM · 21/05/2023 22:23

Going against the grain here. If your son has offered to pay for the trip, it's really really mean to just leave him behind.

You can tell the girls they can spend their own money if they want to join another holiday that your son will get for free.

MessyBunny · 21/05/2023 22:23

I’d let DS go.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 21/05/2023 22:30

XelaM · 21/05/2023 22:23

Going against the grain here. If your son has offered to pay for the trip, it's really really mean to just leave him behind.

You can tell the girls they can spend their own money if they want to join another holiday that your son will get for free.

I think this is where I land. Presumably you were ok with the girls not getting a trip because of the money (?!) now you can’t very well say no to son when he’s willing to spend his own money. If you didn’t give the girls the same option of spending their own then this is another consequence of this batshit plan.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 21/05/2023 22:30

saltinesandcoffeecups · 21/05/2023 22:30

I think this is where I land. Presumably you were ok with the girls not getting a trip because of the money (?!) now you can’t very well say no to son when he’s willing to spend his own money. If you didn’t give the girls the same option of spending their own then this is another consequence of this batshit plan.

Show quote history

You being the OP @EmmetEmma