To Veet 10yo DD's legs?

[PolkaDotMankini]

As the title says, DD is 10. Although the weather's been getting warmer, she's been reluctant to wear shorts. She told me last week that she felt self-conscious about her hairy legs. It's true that her lower legs are quite hairy, but they're fine blonde hairs (and she's 10!). I've never made any comments about them but she's aware that I shave my legs.

She asked if I could shave her legs. I explained the options: shaving or Veet. She liked the sound of Veet so I did her legs for her this morning. She loves how they look and feel and went out for the day in a skirt.

I think I did the right thing but I just can't help feeling like she's too young.

YABU - she's too young
YANBU - you did the right thing

I think it’s fine, my DD has started shaving her legs and armpits aged 11 because she feels uncomfortable being hairy. She also trimmed around her bikini line because she was embarrassed about hair showing when she was swimming. I remove my body hair, I can’t see any reason for her not doing so if she wants to.

That so completely misses the point.

This is exactly why the child needs a better lesson than "here's the chemicals"

I was bullied mercilessly for my body hair and I remember the stress so much, I had no material support so I think it’s a lovely thing to do. Although VEET burns my skin off 🙃

It's not about the individual women. You don't live in a vaccum.

Okay, maybe you 'prefer to have it removed'. How much of your life have you had normal length leg hair just growing free? As distinct from stubble growing back out from bald legs, which is very different in feeling. What are you comparing it to?

You admit specifically that you shave 'when they are on show'. So it's not a preference about the actual leg hair (or you'd shave regardless of whether anybody could see or not), it's about being self-conscious about having the leg hair. You have leg-hair because you are a grown mammal. How is that not an issue of self-esteem?

Where does this 'preference' come from? Why do so many girls and women acquire this 'preference' but men and boys do not?

Go on social media where women post pictures of themselves with normal leg hair and look at the comments. Absolutely vile. There was a Swedish model who got rape and death threats after posting photos with normal hairy legs. (She was also fine and blonde, as I recall). Your preference is not operating in a vacuum where the actual removal of hair or not is a free choice, on the level of putting your head hair up or having it down. It's within a societal expectation that women pretend that puberty didn't give them body hair.

Also if DS gets a wispy top lip at 10 he will be allowed to whip it off too!

(Having said that, I actually find the UK better about this and generally less policing of women's appearances here than in some other European countries. Yay.)

I think 10 is a bit young, but I’m not sure I could say an age that is better. My daughters didn’t even talk to me about it, they just started borrowing my razor. I think they were probably about 11 or 12.

It pisses me off that girls are under so much pressure at such a young age. However, I shave my legs so I have no moral high ground to claim.

I'd see it as she told her mum there was an issue and her mum was able to help. Does far more for self esteem. We all know this peer pressure stops. It will make no odds whether she started at 10 or later.

Self esteem is actually easily fixed at this age. It's one of those things. I wish my mum had listened when I asked. I'm thankful i had an older sister who stepped in. Shaving, skincare and makeup. She helped me with all of these when my mum, like you, thought I should deal with other issues. I was fine. Just wanted rid of my hairy legs and spots!

My 9yo Dd is very hairy and she gets so self conscious about it. She will ask to wear tights and cardigans in Summer because she’s so self conscious about it and other children have mentioned it to her. I bought her a lady shave and I’ve shaved her legs since she was about 8 and recently started letting her shave her arms as well.

I remember being about 10 and I attempted to shave my legs and cut them to bits and had terrible razor burn! I’d never want my Dd to resort to that.

I have taught her body hair is totally normal, i personally don’t shave at all and she’s obviously seen that, but I’ve also told her it’s a preference and up to each individual what they do with theirs!

Seems fair as long as the chemicals aren't irritating her skin. I'm pale skin with dark hair. I remember disliking having hairy legs around that age back in the 90s. My immediate family weren't a girls should be groomed, made up and in dresses type and I don't remember being bullied or anything. It was more personal preference of the look of cleanly shaved legs with a skirt or shorts. It can just be a personal preference thing rather than something deeper. I know my DP dislikes the feel and look of more than a couple of days worth of beard growth. Yet noone would even question a man for shaving every day or two, would they?

Most of us get all this, we really do. However, at present, we are where we are.
If as adult women we want to reject sexist societal expectations by growing our leg hair, then all good. However forcing a 10 year old girl to feel subconscious and endure teasing as though she's some mascot for the cause, is incredibly unfair.
It's not the feminist mother, sheilded by the protective forcefield of her don't care anymore attitude, and the politeness of adult society that will be ridiculed after all.
Have the talk with your DDs absolutely, and hopefully in time that will resonate and there may be changes in the future. But to push her or compel her before she's ready to take it for the team is not the right way.

Amen @5128gap

This is not what i am suggesting , i can't imagine my kids being swayed to look like plastic clones , i am talking about simple things such as a beautician doing waxing , facials etc.
They can keep every strand of their body hair i don't care , it doesn't matter , i remove mine - for me , i prefer the way my skin feels, i feel no pressure to do so.
For all your suggestions i hope they never feel the need for any of these things but i would do my best to guide them if i had to.
I do think you are being a bit dramatic though when all we are talking about is a simple temporary thing that will make a little girl feel a bit more comfortable in her own skin.

Yup. We don't see it because we do it, so it is normal to us. Other things, such as lip filler or plastic surgery, for young girls, is less normalised and therefore easier to say, no of course I would condone that.

Leg hair left long is no itchier than the hair on your head. Women are self conscious about body hair because women are socialised to be self conscious about about body hair. As are girls as young as 10 I suppose. Of course it's no young girls job to challenge social norms on her own, but it is worth discussing (in my opinion).

It’s fine imo. That’s around the age I was when I was allowed to shave my legs for a holiday. I had been wanting to do it for ages and I wasn’t even an early bloomer.
I don’t care if other women chose or chose not to shave but I disagree with the ‘it’s not about the individual women’ argument. Fuck that. I’m not changing my preference for someone else’s view of what women should or shouldn’t do.
I shave my legs even in winter when no one’s seeing it because I want to.

100% did the right thing, my mum refused that I could shave my legs and I hated it. I will let my kid share their legs when they want.

I was also blonde and self conscious, lots of other girls started shaving and I felt like the only one (I know I wasn’t but being a pre teen or teen is hard)

Leg hair left long is no itchier than the hair on your head.

Maybe for you but for me it is extremely irritable! Especially in certain clothing! @FirstTimeNameChanger

My DD decided she wanted to remove her body hair at about age 12, very influenced by her best friend at the time.

Once she started at secondary school (all girls grammar) she actually stopped shaving her legs and only does it very occasionally now at 16. She has fine blonde hair that is barely noticeable. So it’s clear to me that it isn’t really a ‘personal’ decision, it’s very much influenced by her peer group. And I don’t think it’s necessarily more admirable to not shave because your friends don’t than it is to shave because they do.

If my DD felt strongly about it at 10 I would consider it although you need to accept you are contributing to the societal pressure on women and girls to be hair-free.

Veet is far less painful than waxing.

That is 100% false.

What age would you agree for boys shaving legs?

No issue with this when she is 18 she will probably get laser

OP - you're daughter's reaction of happily dancing around in a skirt should tell you everything you need to know.

Bodily autonomy means being able to do what YOU want to YOUR body. You want to shave your legs because you don't like leg hair? Great. It's the same as getting a hair cut because you don't like long hair, dying it because you're happier a different hair colour, wearing a bit of make up to extend your lashes or plump your lips... if there's something about your body that makes you unhappy and you can change it, especially when that change is simple and temporary, and doing it makes you happy then do it! Life is too short to sit around thinking "I'd be much happier with shaved legs but if I do that I'm contributing to the oppression of women so I'll just carry on being unhappy".

Oh, and, PP - men do the same. Back, sack and crack waxes for example