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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Veet 10yo DD's legs?

123 replies

PolkaDotMankini · 21/05/2023 12:08

As the title says, DD is 10. Although the weather's been getting warmer, she's been reluctant to wear shorts. She told me last week that she felt self-conscious about her hairy legs. It's true that her lower legs are quite hairy, but they're fine blonde hairs (and she's 10!). I've never made any comments about them but she's aware that I shave my legs.

She asked if I could shave her legs. I explained the options: shaving or Veet. She liked the sound of Veet so I did her legs for her this morning. She loves how they look and feel and went out for the day in a skirt.

I think I did the right thing but I just can't help feeling like she's too young.

YABU - she's too young
YANBU - you did the right thing

OP posts:
Curtains70 · 21/05/2023 14:20

Precipice · 21/05/2023 14:13

And if she feels self-conscious about other parts of her body, what will you do? If it's her nose, offer a nose job, if it's a conviction that she's not slim enough, diet pills?

If your DS felt similarly self-conscious, would you remove his leg hair too?

The difference being she already sees OP shaving her legs so to her that's the normal thing to do if she doesn't like her leg hair. I wouldn't imagine she sees OP downing diet pills.

Most of us shave, dye hair, get nails done, wear make up or whatever else so we're already showing our daughters this is normal. Once its age appropriate I think it's unreasonable to say oh even though Mum does these things you can't. As though banning them erases everything they have already learnt from our own behaviour.

steff13 · 21/05/2023 14:20

My son shaves under his arms. And plenty of men shave their chests and/or backs because they're self conscious about being too hairy.

Conkersinautumn · 21/05/2023 14:20

Awful. Imagine running hard into your child's insecurities like this.

Hatsforbats · 21/05/2023 14:22

You did the right thing for your daughter it's all good. It's lovely that she felt happy in a skirt.

My mum first let me shave at about 10 but would not let me go above my knees. Her reasoning was that nobody shaves above the knee and you don't need to- she was a pale white lady with sparse blonde leg hair who probably did not need to shave above the knee.
I however, inherited my dads south asian body hair so looked like I was wearing a pair of hairy bicycle shorts under my summer dresses.
Its a difficult age, you sound like a good mum

PinkPlantCase · 21/05/2023 14:23

I don’t like that 10 year olds feel the need the remove their body hair, especially using harsh chemicals.

But I think I’m this instance you probably did the right thing, especially as you shave your legs yourself.

I don’t remove any body hair, I might do my armpits for a special occasion but that’s about it. I like to think my children will be raised to find body hair a bit more normal. Who knows.

RightOnTheEdge · 21/05/2023 14:24

I think it's fine. It does seem quite young, but it would be sad if she was covered up all summer because she felt self conscious.

PublicEmbarrassmentBlues · 21/05/2023 14:30

It's a tricky one. Obviously it would be fantastic to live in a world without sex stereotypes and where kids don't pick on each other, but we don't. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It's not fair or realistic to expect a ten year old to fight against the social conditioning that grown women submit to every day (yes, yes, we're all doing it for ourselves, we love the way hairless legs feel, etc., etc. - I don't want to get into it).

OP, I think you did the right thing, and I say that as someone who is super hairy and who hasn't shaved since her mid-twenties (when I finally had the confidence to not GAF). Just keep reminding her that body hair is normal and she doesn't have to get rid of it if she doesn't want to, and that it's never ok to bully someone because of their natural body.

BriarHare · 21/05/2023 14:32

Veet is horrible, noxious stuff.

Why not wax?

steff13 · 21/05/2023 14:33

BriarHare · 21/05/2023 14:32

Veet is horrible, noxious stuff.

Why not wax?

Some people find waxing painful.

Luredbyapomegranate · 21/05/2023 14:36

Totally fine - she asked, and it’s most important that she can put on shorts and run around while feeling comfortable.

Luredbyapomegranate · 21/05/2023 14:37

… although if she’s happy to shift to shaving in a bit it will be less chemically

ActDottie · 21/05/2023 14:38

100% the right thing her confidence has been boosted :)

Bluetrews25 · 21/05/2023 14:41

Get her an electric razor. Very hard to cut yourself with one of them.

user1471447924 · 21/05/2023 14:42

Why on earth do some people on this thread seem to think it’s morally superior to be hairy!?

Bk1000 · 21/05/2023 14:43

It’s difficult because when would you say is too young? My 8 yo gets upset about her ‘hairy legs’. They just have blond fluff on them but I think she needs to learn to accept her body as it is at this stage. I tell her to look at other girls legs and she will see they are exactly the same.

My mum didn’t let me shave my legs until I was 14 and that was only after a lot of nagging from me (I was already doing it with my brothers old razors so her not giving permission didn’t mean I wasn’t doing it, just made it harde for me to access safe razors) and I definitely wouldn’t make my dds wait that long but I was hoping it would wait until they started going though puberty anyway.

ittakes2 · 21/05/2023 14:52

when the question came up for my daughter I suggested the organic wax you get from amazon or boots to decrease hair growth and it has worked. Now she is older she does a mixture of shaving and waxing but her hair growth is less than it was before because of the waxing we did for about a year.
I don't think it matters now whether it was too early for her - I just suggest you not bring it up with her and what until she asks again.

GCWorkNightmare · 21/05/2023 14:54

I let DD do hers at about 10, I think. She found it such a faff and has never done it since and at 12.5 couldn’t give a toss about her hairy legs. (She has a fair amount of pretty dark hair.)

DollyDabble · 21/05/2023 14:55

Have you ever seen the product range from Nads hair removal? all natural, no harsh chemicals and their backstory is it started when daughter wanted to remive arm hair following comments at school.

Hairbrushhandle · 21/05/2023 14:56

My mum refused to let me shave mine (didn't even mention the possibility of Veet or similar) and made me go into school and get bullied all summer about it. I loved winter so I could wear trousers for pe. I never ever want to do that to my daughter. It's not her job to single handedly protest societal norms at this age.

Sugaristheenemy · 21/05/2023 15:04

Bit of a shame a 10 year old is fretting about leg hair, especially if it’s fair and not very visible.

No harm in veeting it I guess but if she is being picked on this won’t stop it, they’ll pick on something else.

JaninaDuszejko · 21/05/2023 15:04

I think if it has come from her it makes sense to safely facilitate it. If you were insisting a 15yo who didn't care about body hair had to shave that would be different.

10 is so young though, it's a shame our society objectifies women so much that primary age girls are made to feel that their natural body needs modification. I guess all you can do is model a NGAF attitude about how women are 'suppose' to look and hope it has an effect eventually.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 21/05/2023 15:05

You did the right thing op.

The best it of being a woman is I’m only ever a blow dry and make up allocation away from looking nice.

NerrSnerr · 21/05/2023 15:06

shammalammadingdong · 21/05/2023 13:43

Better to work on her self esteem than bow to pressure.

My DD had plenty of fine hair at that stage. I didn't start modifying her body at the age of 10! What next, HD eyebrows, false tan and extensions?

My mum was like this. Just taught me that I didn't have any choice in what I do with my body. I of course did what many others did and butchered my legs with a rusty orange bic.

Now as a grown up I do as I please. Sometimes shave my legs as I'm not keen on the feeling of the hairs but if I don't I still swim, wear shorts etc. I'm in a vest top without shaved armpits today. I 100% will give my children the age appropriate choice of what to do with their body hair. Maybe not waxing at 8 but if they ask to remove it we will find the correct way.

FluttiTutti · 21/05/2023 15:06

Some of these comments are mental. Most women remove their leg hair. I personally don’t any single woman that doesn’t in summer. It’s perfectly reasonable that she wants to conform. No big deal and definitely a marker of low self esteem or a slippery slope to nose job or facial tattoos. And well done OP for showing her how to do it safely and not risk her having a go with your razor. Veet is a bit chemically but clearly she hasn’t reacted to it so all fine!

Deadringer · 21/05/2023 15:10

I think it's sad that a 10 year old is embarrassed by hair on her legs which is perfectly normal, but if it was making her unhappy I would have helped her with it too.

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