Upset a friend by being disorganised with plans

[TheBerry]

I have upset a friend and am feeling really guilty and unsure what to do.

This friend (we’ll call her Rosie) can be a little sensitive, and is upset by other people quite regularly, but I do think I personally messed up on this occasion. I’m HOPING that MN won’t think it’s as bad as I do, but I’m really just wanting honest opinions so I can work out what to do.

I have an 8-month-old and I’m quite tired and not very organised at the moment. It was my DP’s birthday and I thought I’d just book a table in town for a casual lunch with some friends. I decided to do this a week in advance, and messaged a few friends to say noon on Saturday at this particular restaurant.

Rosie and a few others said they would come. I didn’t mention it to any of them again (which I should have done, as a reminder) although a couple messaged me to check we were still going, which I confirmed.

On the day, we were driving over when I realised in the message to Rosie I actually hadn’t specified the time we were meeting.

I messaged her saying I was sorry, I just realised I hadn’t told her the time, and we were heading over now - could she make it?

After a while she messaged back to say that since she hadn’t heard anything back from me about it she assumed we weren’t going, and that she wasn’t able to attend now.

She is cross with me, and I think she feels that I couldn’t be bothered to get in touch with her to confirm the plans, or that if I’d really wanted her there I’d have made more of an effort.

I do think I was vague with the plans and I should have followed up with everybody and confirmed what was happening. Probably the only reason the others turned up is that they messaged me to double check it was still on!

I’ve apologised and suggested meeting up next week but she’s not replying. Feeling exhausted and guilty and not sure what to do!

YABU - you should have messaged all the guests a day or two beforehand, made sure you’d given the right details, and confirmed the plans. You left it up to everybody else to check what was happening. Rosie is right to be annoyed.

YANBU - it was a mistake, you apologised, and she is overreacting. It’s not a big deal and you can do someone another time.

I agree PP's message is good. Just consider whether you want to go forward with someone who is offended so easily as people like this can be exhausting if you are busy.

Really, never ever. If people mention a party then they are either inviting me, or will add on whatever reason they aren't inviting me (it's just uni mates / it's just family). I cannot think of a single time someone said "my party next Sat" without doing one or the other. Sometimes a time might be agreed as late as on the day, but that is just planning not changing who is invited. I think you are missing cues here and applying ulterior motives that don't exist. Next time, just ask.

Yes even if I am plan b guest I'd follow up anyway to ask what time (or is it still on)

Plan b guests! Know your lane!

If I were Rosie Id also consider if I want to go forward with someone who never bothers to organise anything, and when they do they conveninently inform everyone but me...

Tbh I have also never met anyone who does this (to my knowledge) and it would never occur to me that anybody would.