To ask is it rude to go on your phone?

[autienotnaughtym]

I'm on a 40th birthday weekend. We traveled on the train, went out for lunch. Saw a show . Came back to hotel and had a hour then out for dinner and drinks.

In day to day life I do use my phone a lot- messages, Google, jingle, podcasts,music, tv etc. I'm not really on social media. (Other than mn)

During the trip I've looked at my phone a few times on the train (whe I wasn't in a conversation) just checking / answering messages etc When we came back to hotel after theatre I was sharing with birthday girl, she rang her dh and I rang mine and chatted to our son. I also laid down for ten min and caught up on messages/had a nosy on mn. On the tube for about 20 min I was feeling a bit queasy so distracted myself with phone (we were all sat sporadically and I wasn't with anyone)
Later we went to a nightclub , too noisy to talk so either dancing or sitting , I love to dance, so I danced probably 70% of time with bday girl and everyone, had lots of fun. A few times I'd sit for a rest and would get my phone out as I wasn't with anyone. I noticed bday girl kept coming over if I was sat and asking me to request a song or take a photo , go out with her while she smoked (I don't) or get up to dance. At one point I rang my teen dd (outside) to check in.
Bday girl came up and said she had spoke to her dh but forgotten to speak to her (teen) kids. I said don't worry I'm sure they are fine . She said something along lines of "I just don't feel the need to be on my phone all the time like you" I asked what she meant and she said nothing and walked back in.

I didn't use my phone during meals, or obviously the theatre. Nor when we were walking round or sat in bars talking. And when I did it use it it in nightclub was generally if I was sat alone and would literally by a minute or two. Other than on tube when i was completely alone and in hotel when I laid down for ten min. I do find social situations over stimulating at times and looking at phone does help/distract.

So was I rude?

If someone felt the need to comment on it then yes it's probably too much.

I don't care what other ppl think tbh.

I find big group events overwhelming, I would have struggled at a club. I sit for a bit and look at my phone as a way to calm down and recharge.

Sounds like you were present most of the time. It's fine.

no point making a mountain out of a molehill.
she doesnt approve
end of story.
no need for repercussions

I think this is an interesting scenario, tbh. Because my gut is telling me that you did overuse your phone to the point of being a bit rude, and noticeably so to your friend.

But - SHE was also rude, from the constant interruptions every time she saw you pick up your phone, all the way to the backhanded comments about people who overuse their phones and how much of a better person she is for not doing it. Much as she may have disliked your behaviour, she's not your parent and you're an adult, so it wasn't her place to try and modify that behaviour or pass comment on it.

The alarm may have already been set on her phone, I'm terrible for forgetting to turn mine off as well, so I think that one you probably went a bit OTT about.

In terms of overall phone use I think we all probably use them too much, especially when we should probably be paying more attention to what's going on around us. But, in the end, if you're out with a group at a loud nightclub then there's always going to be people doing things that you don't want to do at that moment in time, and vice versa. Not everyone enjoys the same things, and in a group people won't usually get left completely alone if one person is messing with their phone and another one goes out for a fag.

Totally rude. I’d be annoyed too if I was her. Comes across like you were bored and uninterested.

Think it was a lot,you were supposed to be away with them but you don't sound committed to the group,as if you were bored with them.
if love to hear the other persons pov

Because she was telling the group other things were more important to her than spending time with them. It doesn’t matter that OP was briefly on her own. When she was, out came the phone. It was rude.

You clearly don’t like my saying it, but it’s true.

Thanks for your replies. Seems like mostly I was BU. I think going forward I will get my own room for some down time if I need it.

Adults should be able to just "be" in their environment without needing the crutch of the internet. Always strikes me as a little emotionally immature and lacking in imagination (yes, I know that's unfairly judgemental of me)

You have the fount of available human knowledge on the internet, and you think it is emotionally immature / lacking in imagination to actually use that? I'm happy to see people learning / exploring new things / seeking new horizons and view points in their downtime rather than dwelling on their own thoughts.

I love the internet. Have used it loads to learn new things, to figure out how to get places, to research, to watch videos, to get inspiration for projects, to buy stuff, to keep in touch with friends, etc. However, I believe there's a time and a place, and I wouldn't dream of scrolling in my own little world when I was in company. And I do find it odd to see people in beautiful settings, with their mates, all on their mobiles. What's wrong with watching real life, being mindful of surroundings? Some people appear to live through screens, which I find limiting. So many people are so easily bored they can't just sit and watch the world go by for a minute.

@CandidaAlbicans2 I absolutely agree - but being on a tube & separated from your group, or in a nightclub when you can't hear a thing & want to sit down between dances (as in the OP's examples) doesn't fall into that category for me. To me, that's enforced downtime which could be used more usefully.