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AIBU?

11 month old in restaurant

576 replies

Anoushkaka · 20/05/2023 14:00

So I know things have changed with parenting since I had my own children, youngest is now 11 but do some parents literally just let their kids to what they want?

Went for a meal yesterday with DH and our children. A couple come in with their baby and get seated near us. Highchair is brought over and they put him in but don't strap him in because he doesnt like to be strapped in, mother said this to waitress. They order food and literally plonk a bowl of mash, veg and gravy on the highchair for baby to eat. He puts his hands straight in and starts feeding himself with his hands, food is going everywhere, patents are looking at him and saying "what a great boy he is".

Baby literally has food everywhere, parents make a half hearted attempt to clean baby which results in an almighty tantrum and him nearly falling out of the highchair because he wasn't strapped in. Dessert comes and the same thing with a bowl of ice cream, its everywhere. They then give him a sippy cup that spills all over him because obviously its not one for his age group.

He screams to get out of highchair, father takes him out and let's him bang cutlery on the table, pull soil from a nearby plant pot and again spill water everywhere. All the parents kept saying to staff was ,"oh sorry, he is just so independent and clever for his age".

I was appalled to be honest. I spoke to my friend who is a childminder and stressed that yes unfortunately a lot of parents are now like this.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

1089 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
34%
You are NOT being unreasonable
66%
daffodilandtulip · 22/05/2023 14:54

Baby led weaning has led to a whole cohort of 4yo who arrive at school never having seen cutlery and ramming food into their mouths.

vivainsomnia · 22/05/2023 14:55

I'd be scared that some of the gravy end up on my nice white top! I hope those parents at least ensure they sit in a corner, away enough from other tables so it couldn't reach and out of the way to the toilet.

Or do they still grin if that happens and say 'oops sorry, little Henry can now throw further away, he is so strong'?

MargotBamborough · 22/05/2023 14:55

daffodilandtulip · 22/05/2023 14:54

Baby led weaning has led to a whole cohort of 4yo who arrive at school never having seen cutlery and ramming food into their mouths.

Are you speaking from experience?

GoodChat · 22/05/2023 15:01

daffodilandtulip · 22/05/2023 14:54

Baby led weaning has led to a whole cohort of 4yo who arrive at school never having seen cutlery and ramming food into their mouths.

Well that sounds like bollocks

LolaSmiles · 22/05/2023 15:01

Oh absolutely @MargotBamboroughand@LolaSmileswithout a doubt the parents are the problem here
I think that's the thing, these parents are setting their children up to fail in the immediate situation and in future.

I've got friends in nurseries who said that some children have clearly not been supported to eat appropriately, and it has nothing to do with whether the parents did BLW, all purees or a mix of puree and finger food. It's likely to be what behaviours the parents have instilled at home from a young age.

The example behaviours they see into the pre-school age include dropping unwanted food on the floor, shouting "yuk!" and then digging their hands into the meal to remove things they don't want, lots of hands in foods in general from some children (rather than hands for some things and cutlery for others), being up and down from the table in the middle of meals, mixing food into drink cups, tipping the water into their food, playing with food like it's sensory play.

wildinthecountry · 22/05/2023 15:22

GoodChat · 22/05/2023 15:01

Well that sounds like bollocks

I actually remember reading/seeing a report about this a year or so ago , children starting school unable to use cutlery .

wildinthecountry · 22/05/2023 15:25

It was actually a sky news item .

JenniferBooth · 22/05/2023 16:00

@Dulra Im half Italian and IMO boys are revered. The thing that jumped out at me from your post is that in both cases it was girls who were shouted at.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 22/05/2023 18:33

daffodilandtulip · 22/05/2023 14:54

Baby led weaning has led to a whole cohort of 4yo who arrive at school never having seen cutlery and ramming food into their mouths.

DN arrived at school unable to feed herself 20 years ago (she was a very placid spoon fed toddler)

Billyoh · 22/05/2023 19:47

daffodilandtulip · 22/05/2023 14:54

Baby led weaning has led to a whole cohort of 4yo who arrive at school never having seen cutlery and ramming food into their mouths.

Really? Sounds like utter shite to
me!

But do link your research that proves this!

Billyoh · 22/05/2023 19:48

wildinthecountry · 22/05/2023 15:25

It was actually a sky news item .

Was it really?

MrsR87 · 22/05/2023 20:34

daffodilandtulip · 22/05/2023 14:54

Baby led weaning has led to a whole cohort of 4yo who arrive at school never having seen cutlery and ramming food into their mouths.

Do you have a source for this?

My two and a half year old has done baby led weaning and can use a knife and fork better than some of the 11 year olds I teach!

MrsR87 · 22/05/2023 20:38

wildinthecountry · 22/05/2023 15:22

I actually remember reading/seeing a report about this a year or so ago , children starting school unable to use cutlery .

Whilst this is definitely a thing; some even arrive to me in year 7 aged 11 and not able to use cutlery; it’s got nothing to do with what kind if weaning they did …it’s to do with the effort put in by the parent and the example they lead. Usually, a child who cannot use cutlery at an appropriate age is due to lazy parenting!

wildinthecountry · 22/05/2023 20:42

I have no idea what has led to kids not being able to use cutlery , I have no skin in the game , kids adults now .

LolaSmiles · 22/05/2023 21:04

It's not the method of weaning that decides whether a child can use cutlery. SEND aside, it's whether the parents have bothered to teach them how to use cutlery and held age appropriate expectations.

BLW doesn't have to be a messy free for all and letting a child get to primary she still playing with their food and amusing stuff everywhere. That's a parenting issue, not a weaning approach issue.

Wenfy · 22/05/2023 21:11

Not your baby, not your business. Repeat this until you live and breathe it.

Wenfy · 22/05/2023 21:13

LolaSmiles · 22/05/2023 21:04

It's not the method of weaning that decides whether a child can use cutlery. SEND aside, it's whether the parents have bothered to teach them how to use cutlery and held age appropriate expectations.

BLW doesn't have to be a messy free for all and letting a child get to primary she still playing with their food and amusing stuff everywhere. That's a parenting issue, not a weaning approach issue.

baby led weaning has to be messyn. That is the point - to let them explore flavours and textures without interfering. It’s good for them. Helps to build independance. And it’s babies with sen like my dd who has ASD who often refuse to do it for cleanliness or texture issues (she spoonfed herself from 7 months - we even got a special spoon to let her do it).

LolaSmiles · 22/05/2023 21:35

baby led weaning has to be messyn.
That is the point - to let them explore flavours and textures without interfering. It’s good for them. Helps to build independance. And it’s babies with sen like my dd who has ASD who often refuse to do it for cleanliness or texture issues (she spoonfed herself from 7 months - we even got a special spoon to let her do it).
The point of BLW isn't to make a mess (though as I've said throughout the thread a bit of mess when weaning is entirely normal).

I said BLW doesn't have to be a messy free for all, and it doesn't.

Common sense says that as the adults we take some responsibility for meal times and set our children up for success.

Ordering a load of gravy for an 11 month old to fling around a restaurant as the parents gush over how amazing their child is is not BLW. It's lazy parenting.

Plenty of parents do BLW by choosing food that's appropriate for the child's age and the context they're eating.

E.g. save the food with lots of sauce for home, not in the middle of a restaurant if there's zero intention to step in and prevent food being thrown all over.
E.g. choose to bring finger foods and /or order finger foods
E.g. put a few crispy snacks/rice cakes on the high chair tray, along with other items for DC to choose from and feel, rather than giving a 1 year old a whole packet (which will inevitably end up crushed everywhere because they're 1)

It's not the children's fault they have the impulse control of a toddler. It is the parents' responsibility to apply common sense and not set their children up to fail.

MargotBamborough · 22/05/2023 21:37

Wenfy · 22/05/2023 21:13

baby led weaning has to be messyn. That is the point - to let them explore flavours and textures without interfering. It’s good for them. Helps to build independance. And it’s babies with sen like my dd who has ASD who often refuse to do it for cleanliness or texture issues (she spoonfed herself from 7 months - we even got a special spoon to let her do it).

If it has to be messy then it should not be happening in restaurants.

Happygirl79 · 22/05/2023 22:45

MargotBamborough · 22/05/2023 21:37

If it has to be messy then it should not be happening in restaurants.

This. Don't inflict this experience on other diners please? So rude.

GingerCoi · 23/05/2023 05:52

Wenfy · 22/05/2023 21:11

Not your baby, not your business. Repeat this until you live and breathe it.

No, sorry, it really is your business when said baby is disturbing the meal and experience you are paying for due to inadequate parenting.

As others have said so well, nobody disagrees that weaning is messy but that choosing BLW does not somehow entitle you to give your baby mashed potatoes and gravy in a restaurant and expect everyone else to smile benignly at your oh-so-clever baby whilst they chuck said meal everywhere.

Parent with consideration for others to raise children with a healthy regard for those around them and an understanding of social situations. Repeat this until you live and breathe it.

Achwheesht · 23/05/2023 11:55

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LuckySantangelo35 · 23/05/2023 12:28

GingerCoi · 23/05/2023 05:52

No, sorry, it really is your business when said baby is disturbing the meal and experience you are paying for due to inadequate parenting.

As others have said so well, nobody disagrees that weaning is messy but that choosing BLW does not somehow entitle you to give your baby mashed potatoes and gravy in a restaurant and expect everyone else to smile benignly at your oh-so-clever baby whilst they chuck said meal everywhere.

Parent with consideration for others to raise children with a healthy regard for those around them and an understanding of social situations. Repeat this until you live and breathe it.

@Wenfy

this! ⬆️

well said

Vintagejazzing · 23/05/2023 12:31

No one has a 'right' to be in a restaurant if they're disturbing other people or creating extra work for staff whether it's someone bellowing into a phone, a large party making an exceptional amount of noise, or yes a baby throwing food everywhere and creating a racket. People need to be aware of their surroundings and considerate of the people around them.

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/05/2023 14:00

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You don't have to spoon feed that way though and many parents don't. Doing just purees also isn't recommended, finger foods should be offered from the beginning which means they are also exposed to multiple textures.

It isn't the 80's any more.

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