Page 2 | Why are so many women afraid of being alone

Mummadeze · 20/05/2023 06:07

I am not afraid of being alone, I am afraid of the fallout from leaving my partner. I imagine that is quite common too.

Jenn500 · 20/05/2023 06:18

I think single people should get more tax free allowance on their income. It makes such a big difference financially being a couple, that it is unfair that most bills are almost the same whether your single or not

Festivfrenzy · 20/05/2023 06:33

DepartureLounge · 20/05/2023 02:46

I think if you are in a marriage or long-term relationship that's not really making you happy but isn't abusive and no one's been unfaithful, it can be very difficult to weigh up the pluses and minuses of staying vs leaving, particularly if you have kids. It can feel like, better the devil you know, compared with the uncertainty of what life alone will be like. I see a lot of threads like that on here, along the lines of 'too good to leave, too bad to stay' or whatever that book is. I found the book rubbish btw but I read thread after thread on here when I was in that position and even started a couple of my own. I got to a tipping point eventually but it took courage and some concerted effort to sort out the practicalities, which is not possible for everyone. I've been on my own for 6 months now after 20+ years and 3 kids, and can honestly say it's one of the best decisions I ever made, so if anyone clicked on the thread because they're in the same place of indecision I was in 3 or 4 years ago, I would tell them to embrace it. You would not seriously consider leaving unless it was going to be the right thing to do eventually imo. Honestly, I love it on my own. I do what I want and I don't give a fuck.

Love this, thankyou

Ladybug14 · 20/05/2023 06:51

MsCactus · 20/05/2023 01:43

I actually think it's part of being a social species - humans need time with other humans.

And nowadays we don't live in big, multigenerational tribes, so as you get older if you want constant company you really need to be in a couple, or live with a friend long term (which is very rare and most don't). Getting a partner is the easiest option

I live alone. I get all the company I need from work/volunteering and seeing friends

I really don't think that (for me) getting a partner is the easiest option

In fact (for me) it's the most horrifying option

LodiDodi · 20/05/2023 06:55

It's mostly to do with how living expenses depend on two incomes. In years gone by one income (almost always from the working father) provided for the family. Now that women work, it typically requires two incomes to support a family, and of course even then a lot of people struggle.

MrsRickAstley · 20/05/2023 07:00

I don't think it's just women but granted this is predominantly a site used by women.

It wasn't that I was scared to be alone more that I thought it was genuinely better to be kept together as a family and unfortunately money.

Yetisrus · 20/05/2023 07:05

I've lived on my own for 5 years now, I miss the company sometimes but its not like it was a happy good marriage to start with. I'd like to meet someone and settle down again but they have to be the right person this time.

But I know that having a single income means I have less disposable income, so I can't go out as much or go on holiday as much. Financially I'm worse off than I was when I was married, I live in a smaller home, I budget and budget, but that's a small price to pay compared to being in a shit marriage.

BungalowBuyer · 20/05/2023 07:05

I chose to take some time after my divorce to regroup, didn't start thinking about dating for the first few years.

I can manage fine on my own financially, I can afford to outsource some tasks, I have a regular gardener and a handyman but I just didn't want to be on my own long term. DD will be going off to university and has her own life and conversation with the dog is limited.

Ollifer · 20/05/2023 07:06

Ive now been on my own about 7 months. The reasons I couldn't leave before were mainly child and money related but I'm coping now, managed to get a bit better job, secured Flexi working, and I'm absolutely loving being on my own with my child. My life although much harder financially is so much more peaceful. I'm so glad i did it although I know I will have hard times ahead but I'll make it work.

JMSA · 20/05/2023 07:07

As someone who has done the post-divorce dating scene, it is honestly my impression that men find it hardest to be alone. That is why they will go from one relationship to another, carrying their unprocessed emotional baggage with them.
If a woman chooses not to be alone, chances are there are children involved, and she is doing what she feels is best for them.

Random789 · 20/05/2023 07:08

What a strange opening post. As if any reflection at all on how to handle relationship issues amounted to a fear of being alone. If you are in a relationship, any relationship, there will be lots of things to consider (emotional and practical) in an assessment of whether it is a good thing to remain in it or not.

We aren't traffic lights. We don't just flip from green to red. We are people.

Tellmeimcrazy · 20/05/2023 07:10

I don't think these posts are necessarily because women are afraid of being alone.

BungalowBuyer · 20/05/2023 07:13

JMSA · 20/05/2023 07:07

As someone who has done the post-divorce dating scene, it is honestly my impression that men find it hardest to be alone. That is why they will go from one relationship to another, carrying their unprocessed emotional baggage with them.
If a woman chooses not to be alone, chances are there are children involved, and she is doing what she feels is best for them.

Absolutely agree, my exH has gone from one relationship to the next, he's had zero time on his own to think about what he really wants. He can't be on his own but also doesn't want to commit so it's a car crash.

Liorae · 20/05/2023 07:22

Japanesejazz · 20/05/2023 00:47

So many threads of
aibu
should I leave
is this a red flag
he’s only hit me once
he doesn’t like my child etc
he doesn’t have any contact with his children
his ex is nuts
hes moved in my house because his ex took everything in the divorce

Financial reasons. Fear of judgment from other women for not being able to keep a man. Single mother with low self esteem. Men like that can smell single mother low self esteem from a distance. But, again, mostly perceived financial reasons. Even when the "Partner" is a cocklodging waste of space some live in hope that he will start to contribute and ease the financial burden.
Life is not easy.

Florissant · 20/05/2023 07:23

Because some women are needy and would rather be in a bad relationship than on their own.

Because some women have bad judgement and refuse to acknowledge that.

Because some women make excuses for their behaviour.

SandLResources · 20/05/2023 07:30

I'm not "alone".

However I live on my own having been single by choice for about 10 years . Luckily was in no debt after leaving my last relationship and I find being in total control of my finances much easier than being with someone (as well as being content with my life).

Liorae · 20/05/2023 07:36

JMSA · 20/05/2023 07:07

As someone who has done the post-divorce dating scene, it is honestly my impression that men find it hardest to be alone. That is why they will go from one relationship to another, carrying their unprocessed emotional baggage with them.
If a woman chooses not to be alone, chances are there are children involved, and she is doing what she feels is best for them.

Men may find it harder to be alone but they seem to find it much easier to find another fool to take them on.

FourTeaFallOut · 20/05/2023 07:37

MsCactus · 20/05/2023 01:43

I actually think it's part of being a social species - humans need time with other humans.

And nowadays we don't live in big, multigenerational tribes, so as you get older if you want constant company you really need to be in a couple, or live with a friend long term (which is very rare and most don't). Getting a partner is the easiest option

Yes, I agree with this. Our wider family structures are increasingly fragmented and what remains of community is flimsy. Coupling remains a shortcut to stave off loneliness and this is why I think some people might stick in a risky relationship, even in the absence of economic pressures.

Yetisrus · 20/05/2023 07:38

BungalowBuyer · 20/05/2023 07:13

Absolutely agree, my exH has gone from one relationship to the next, he's had zero time on his own to think about what he really wants. He can't be on his own but also doesn't want to commit so it's a car crash.

Show quote history

My exH is like that too. He starts talking about marriage within months sometimes weeks and invariably ends up in depressed mess when it goes wrong. His life is a car crash.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 20/05/2023 07:42

Money is going to be the main one, and the fear of having to live in one bed so called temporary accommodation for x time with your dc, because of the huge void in a available social housing.

mrlistersgelfbride · 20/05/2023 07:45

I'm not scared of being alone at all. I think I'd love it.
I'm scared of the fallout with my partner and how he'd make my life very difficult if I left him..

Equalitea · 20/05/2023 07:51

I think often it’s the financial implications, particularly when the children are young.
Another is being left on the scrap heap, never meeting anyone else and growing old alone. Sometimes someone is better than no one.

In my own extended social circle I have seen quite a few older couples split, the men have moved on with younger women. Often having more children despite their first set of children being teens/20s etc but the women haven’t been able to settle down again despite wanting to, and actively dating.

I think a lot of people reduce their tolerance after bad relationships and no longer want to put up and shut up which can make it difficult to sustain new relationships.

I know that I am very set in my ways and am used to DHs, I don’t know if I cba to begin a new relationship if he ever left me but maybe that is because I’m older, grown up children and financially independent.

Gettingbysomehow · 20/05/2023 07:52

I'm certainly not afraid of being alone. I have a career, pension, my own home and a wonderful adult son. My attempts at relationships have been a disaster so I just don't any more.
Men I meet want to be looked after normally in my home. Want an excessive amount of sex, think work is optional while thinking they are God's gift.
I have too much respect for myself to put up with it.
My son is a mentally healthy independent man with a long term partner who doesn't behave like this so why do men my age?
Maybe because he was brought up by a strong independent woman and had a secure ho

Gettingbysomehow · 20/05/2023 07:53

I didn't start dating until he went away to university.

Newnamenewname109870 · 20/05/2023 07:55

Because people are so used to being with someone it’s a habit just like anything else, which is hard to break. New and alone is scary. Often there are some ‘good times’ which the person may think is worth it or all they deserve, often some trauma there. Also no one is perfect and not everyone knows what is acceptable. It doesn’t help if that’s how you grew up and that was your normality.

Most people hate the feeling of being lonely and unloved. Of course you can be those things in a relationship. And you can still be loved and not lonely OUT of a relationship. But people can’t always see this.