Am I being unreasonable to feel boyfriend resents me after giving birth

[megan2906]

I'm sitting here writing this while breastfeeding and I've never felt so alone. I gave birth 3 and a half weeks ago and ever since my boyfriend has been so hot and cold with me. A few incidents have happened over the last 3 weeks which have made me really question our relationship.

When our baby was 15 days old boyfriend decided to go out with his friends to the pub for 6 hours and left me home alone with baby ( both of our first). I looked after baby all evening, boyfriend kept telling me he'd be back 'in 10 minutes' for 4 hours straight , came back and was slurring and stunk of alcohol , claimed he only had 5 pints. I told him I was going to stay at my parents house with our baby for that night because I didn't want our newborn around someone who isn't sober. He lost it with me claiming he was going to get a lawyer and take my son from me , locked me out the house before I could get all baby's things in the car , then unlocked the door shouted at me some more. Slammed the car door on me then opened it again tried to take the keys from me , managed to lock me and baby in the car so he couldn't open it , then he stood behind the back of the car so I couldn't leave.

Fast forward to the last couple of days he's been extra nice cooking us meals and doing the dishes. However tonight he's gone cold with me again. As I'm feeding baby in bed the muslin cloth is damp so I just sent him a text asking if he could bring me one upstairs from the clean laundry basket, he's gone in a massive mood with me because I wasn't prepared and only brought my things upstairs , I brought myself a glass of water , I didn't realise baby's muslin was damp or I would've brought a different muslin up.

I find it so difficult because he can be so caring with cooking , washing dishes and helping me but other times he just switches and treats me like a piece of rubbish on his shoe.

I feel trapped, I'm so scared that if I ever left I wouldn't get to see my son anymore , I couldn't live without seeing him everyday.

Any advice please. Am I being unreasonable ? Is it just my hormones making everything seem more intensified ? I just feel like we need to stay together for our baby

Men like this like to make lots of threats about 'getting custody of the baby' etc but then actually barely see their children, never pay any maintenance towards them.... honestly it's all a load of hot air.

Run for the hills whilst you still have a chance of a happy future. If he can't be bothered to bring a clean muslin upstairs, I hardly think he's going to apply for 50/50.

Took the words out of my mouth, down to the "diddums".

Your opinion sucks and you should keep it to yourself. Just because your bar for men is buried somewhere at the bottom of the Mariana trench doesn't mean you should advise vulnerable women to put up with abuse because "becoming a father is so haaaaard".

Do you have a supportive family? If so, arrange to go and stay with them for a while. If you think your BF will be difficult, get your stuff together and go while he's out, and leave a note.

Don't worry about him taking the baby. The most he can get is some kind of shared residency, but certainly not while the baby is young. When that does happen it's usually because the mother wants it, or has been talked into allowing it. Family courts - most of the time - care about consistency of care for the child. If you are the primary carer, you will remain the primary carer.

And frankly if your BF is throwing a temper tantrum over being asked to bring a muslin cloth upstairs, realistically he won't want to parent the baby alone. He will be a Saturday Dad at best. He is just using your fear of losing the baby to control you. Already. Only three weeks in. Start looking at your options.

Just for clarity, nowhere has this woman indicated she's 'vulnerable'. I've not advised her to stay. I've suggested they talk when they're both calm and not make hasty decisions. As you've quoted I also said 'Clearly if there's a pattern of abusive behaviour then yes, separate.' This want declared initially.

Get away from him and don't have any more kids with him

Her previous threads and the fact that her baby is less than a month old tell us that she and her child are in an abusive relationship.

How are things now, OP?

They're okay. I've come round to my mums for dinner with baby and left him to hang out with his friend

Did he apologise for locking you out? Standing in front of the car etc...

No I never got an apology. He said I shouldn't have been taking his child away from him so he wasn't going to say sorry. I told him I wasn't taking his child away from him we were just having one night away from him while he was drunk

Are ypu going to tell your mum what's going on and leave him? He's abusive.

@youngmum2000 please please leave this man. He has proven that he's willing to abuse you in front of your child.
This will only get worse. Please go home to your mum and tell her everything.

This is true. He wouldn't do it to a big man at the pub or his boss at work but he'll do it to a woman who's holding a newborn baby who's still recovering from birth or c section. Funny that.

I've told her and my dad some of it and had a cry at the table. I just find it such an awkward conversation to have. They have said they're really worried about me and said there's always a room here for me and baby if we ever need it

Please, please make the most of your parents offering you help @youngmum2000

It's a real gift and the best thing for your child, who deserves better than to grow up under the same roof as an abusive relationship.

You deserve more too

That sounds worryingly vague from your parents. But please take them up on it and make it clear you want to leave him. He will only get worse and you deserve better than this. And so does your child.

How are you getting on today, OP?

Things have been pretty calm this week until tonight. I have been feeding baby since 6 pm (cluster feeding) he's only just gone down now for asleep. We had loads of his things downstairs that needed to come up and everything needed switching off (electronics). Partner had already got ready for bed while I was feeding baby, he came down and got a drink for himself and said right I'm going to bed. I said to him well can't you take some of the babies things up and help me , I've still got to get ready for bed myself. He got really mad and raised his voice at me asking what I've done for him tonight , I don't have time to look after him as well as our baby. He said he's bathed baby tonight like that is a massive favour to me and I should be so grateful to him. I feel like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown, he makes me so miserable and puts so much pressure on me to do chores around the house even though I've got baby to look after

Seriously OP, why are you staying with this loser? Put yourself and the baby first.

Oh sweetheart.
You need to leave this loser. For your sake and the baby's sake.