AIBU for refusing to go for a walk

[OffMyChest1]

But of background here, I (f36) have a few health issues, mental health issues which means I’m agoraphobic, it’s not so bad when I’m forced out somewhere like work (I work full time shift work) or somewhere I have to take the kids (I have two young ones under 10) but when I have no ‘reason’ it can be bad.
I also have physical health concerns, I’m in pain most of the time, albeit mild for the majority of the time. Walking too far hurts both my hips and my back and the pain can last for days. I’ve even just bought special pillows for my heck and hips to try and reduce the everyday pain.

Leaving my house on my day off is basically the very last thing I want to do.
My husband (m35) is a bit of a fitness nut, he will take our eldest on hikes for miles, they did 10 miles once (keep in mind my eldest is only 8 now and youngest is 4)

We live a couple of miles from a nice lake and he’s been asking for the last year for us all to go on a walk to his area, im always saying no.
We just had an argument about it, he doesn’t want us all sitting inside watching screens on a nice spring day (we’re in the uk) and thinks it’s unfair he takes the kids out on long walks alone but he just can’t understand why I’m always saying no.
AIBU here?

My dad was the outdoors "let's go for walks" one and my mother absolutely wasn't! She hated the beach too and tolerated it only for a short time.

However, she was our rock in so many other ways that it didn't matter. She was always our first port of call when we needed advice/support.

So I don't get people saying that their mum not going for walks damaged their relationship??

@OffMyChest1 I totally get how you feel because I struggle too with mobility/back pain/arthritis/sciatica - but I'm 60! Even so I feel cheated and sad because I still feel too young to be afflicted like this! You're only 36... x

If any of your DC are daughters please please set them the example of their mother being physically active and strong. My mother never came out for walks or took us swimming and it was one of the reasons it took me a long time to learn that girls can be outdoorsy/active too.

YABU

I did this which helped a lot but my osteopath wanted me to see GP and ask for a scan. Long waiting list. In the meantime I had awful back spasms so GP put me on nerve blockers. I did get an x-ray which shows right hip arthritis plus lumbar area. I saw a consultant last week, had an MRI this week. Am back to the consultant in two weeks for diagnosis and plan exercise wise.

@OffMyChest1 I get your reluctance my super fit OH walks at a crazy fast pace for me. When I walk I get shooting pains and panic that I won't make it back to the car. I suggest you get some nerve blockers I'm on Gabapentin and take ibuprofen when necessary.

I've been thinking of getting a shooting stick to aid me on walks.

The consultant said can you walk 2 miles, 5 miles. I replied we're talking about 1/4 mile some days 🙈

YANBU.. I’ve been disabled for a number of years, a lot of outdoorsy stuff just exacerbated the pain and fatigue for no benefit. My kids haven’t missed out.. we did / do a lot of other things. And if your husband enjoys it then it makes sense that that can be his ‘thing’ with the dc.

going for a walk in nature can do wonders for mental health. See if you can push yourself to at least try.

Thank you to everyone who has offered genuine, kind and helpful advice.
I'm going to look into a physiotherapist and vitamin deficiencies as well as some of the other ideas.
Definitely going to try and get out more but it's going to be a slow process I fear.

It just seems quite sad to not go as a family. Can you compromise and drive there, sit and have a picnic and then they can do a walk. Your DH is right, there are so many benefits to getting outside

Get a scan and ask for the results. Those you can show to a physio, osteopath or chiropractor who will tailor your exercise routine. The consultant said to resume my exercises which helped before and are helping again. I'm going to look into yoga too and swimming.

I don't think people realise just how painful putting one foot in front of the other can be.

Build up your capabilities under advisement from your GP or physio (not randoms on the internet who have no experience of hip and back pain and no knowledge of your condition). A good physio will address the MH implications of chronic pain too.

yeh I’m pretty sure we must be related 😂

I have little to no relationship also

but because they were outdoorsy and it was if you want to spend time with us you’ll have to do this physically demanding thing that leaves me being in huge amounts of pain then we will just dismiss everything you’ve said feels painful after it, leading to using crutches in later life as they didn’t take it seriously

but hippy raising punks hell to the yeh. 😂

I can see both sides. I love hiking so can identify with your DH wanting the kids to enjoy being outdoors and off screens. Exercise is good for us so can you at least try short walks and build up some stamina? Maybe it would hurt less if you did small amounts of exercise daily.

I think the agoraphobia comment is a red herring. If you are able to go out to work or visit you are not agoraphobic. You just don't like going outside your home unless you have to. That is not good for you or your DC.

You need to move and be active - what age are you now? Would you be happy to be in a wheelchair by age 45/50? Try and help yourself to stay fit and get more mobile - I think your lack of mobility is affecting your quality of life, your mental health and definitely impacting in the quality of life of your husband and kids

😕🙄🙄

I suffer with agoraphobia and panic disorder, it's shit and I wouldn't wish it On anyone. I'm on my third round of CBT. The guilt is terrible in these situations. 💐

You mention that you do a lot with your kids - but do you do a lot as a family?

Is it perhaps more about that for your husband than an actual walk?

Also you should have already been referred to the pain clinic. Do you use a tens machine?

I think you could go out with the children but make sure you choose somewhere where you can easily sit down regularly

Compromise. Go for a walk with your family. You're being a poor role model.

This advice is terrible, not at all accurate to the OP and also really rude 😂