AIBU for refusing to go for a walk

[OffMyChest1]

But of background here, I (f36) have a few health issues, mental health issues which means I’m agoraphobic, it’s not so bad when I’m forced out somewhere like work (I work full time shift work) or somewhere I have to take the kids (I have two young ones under 10) but when I have no ‘reason’ it can be bad.
I also have physical health concerns, I’m in pain most of the time, albeit mild for the majority of the time. Walking too far hurts both my hips and my back and the pain can last for days. I’ve even just bought special pillows for my heck and hips to try and reduce the everyday pain.

Leaving my house on my day off is basically the very last thing I want to do.
My husband (m35) is a bit of a fitness nut, he will take our eldest on hikes for miles, they did 10 miles once (keep in mind my eldest is only 8 now and youngest is 4)

We live a couple of miles from a nice lake and he’s been asking for the last year for us all to go on a walk to his area, im always saying no.
We just had an argument about it, he doesn’t want us all sitting inside watching screens on a nice spring day (we’re in the uk) and thinks it’s unfair he takes the kids out on long walks alone but he just can’t understand why I’m always saying no.
AIBU here?

Even if parents aren't interested in football or gaming they normally go along to matches or put up with being shown and talked at about games.

What's the pain caused by? Might it be that walking will improve it? We all need exercise.

Go to the lake with your h! It sounds lovely. You can only do a short walk if you want.

As a fellow Agoraphobic I can completely empathise as to why you said no.
It's not as simple as not wanting to, it's physically being unable and the feeling of being trapped somewhere, where you cannot quickly and easily return to safety. Which then causes a knock on affect.
Does your husband understand your issues?
He may have the common misconception that if you can leave the house to go to work it's not that bad and you must be just chosing when it affects you.
What they don't realise it places that feel safe are ok, like work and home.
Starting with small distances would likely be much more doable than a 10 mile hike.

Sending hugs

You should definitely be leaving the house every day, it’s healthy to do so. As others have suggested drive there and take a chair to sit on.

I also do t think doing a ten mile hike as an 8 year old is that big a deal, I was always walking on long walks around this age.

It is worth doing a compromise. Getting out does have health benefits like vitamin D.

When my mobility was affected by SPD in pregnancy, I drove DH out for a hike with friends, then settled in the back of the car with a pillow for a lovely nap then headed to the pub with them for lunch. The hike was well beyond me, but the change of scenery and pub bit was well worth doing.

Is it possible to cycle? Are you able to do that with the pain? It would get you there quicker and would be less pressure on your body.

Surely you want to do things as a family?? Couldn't think of anything worse sitting at home all day when the suns out!

I understand you OP and don't mind the perfect parents slating you on here. Give them a day in a agoraphobe's shoes and see how they get on.

While I completely understand that walking is painful to you, and hence why you don't want to do it, it's really important that you realise your point of view isn't healthy or usual, and you don't want that rubbing off on your children.

Calling your DH a "fitness nut" on the basis that he did a 10 mile walk with the kids once is really disproportionate. That's a normal thing to do with children; and the fact you think it's so absurd is a bit worrying.

Agree with pps who say you shouldn't be discouraging your DH and kids and could try to join in in a way that doesn't cause you pain; whether that's taking a chair along, meeting them before and after the walk, or whatever. Sitting inside all day really isn't good for kids, and if your DH is doing all he can to get them fit and active then that's something to encourage, surely.

Could you think of a walk you would do and offer to go on that?

You sound like a great hands on mum, just finding the walking part hard at the mo.

I have hip pain and it’s far far better when I do yoga regularly. You don’t have to give in to these things because then things will get worse and you’ll never do any exercise. Sorry, I don’t intend to be mean but I have friends who have deteriorated partly I feel because they identify so strongly with being disabled.

I get you, I have arthritis and although it's not too badly controlled at the moment, I couldn't do a long walk outside like that without pain and it wiping me out for a few days. Luckily I have a supportive DH so we do family activities that allow me to participate within the limits of my physical health.

What is your condition and might it be helped by some light exercise?

I'd be encouraging anyone I loved who had some depression (?) and mild (?) mobility issues to get out for some light exercise on a nice day too.

What a horrible nasty post. Proud of that one are ya? The woman is agoraphobic FFS.

YABU it's not just for him, it's for your kids.

Well aren't you lovely.
You must have missed the part where I said how much I do with my kids, everything except walking. 😑

Mental health issues that mean I'm agoraphobic. this is different to saying I suffer from agoraphobia.
This is a young woman who is 36 and is wanting to go out for a walk on a nice day to spend time with her husband and children.
Sorry, but she is unreasonable, what if any treatment is she getting for her mental health?
Who has diagnosed agoraphobia?
She goes onto say herself she would be a hermit if it wasn't for her husband, so is she really agoraphobic or a hermit?

Honestly, you are absolutely vile.

So your children are 8 and 4 and you doing a lot with them are all inside activities? Where's the fresh air? You're saying you never take them on walks at all?

Really doesn’t sound like you’re agrophobic, it doesn’t switch on and off like that. Sounds like you hugely procrastinate because you’re not motivated.

PPs - imagine if your DH never wanted to leave the house.

Agrophobia is a debilitating, life ruining illness. People who suffer with this don’t organise loads of play dates and walks with kids etc.

You need to find a way to enjoy life again, and do something’s for DHs sanity as well.

I am really not, but my tolerance for people using the terms agoraphobic when they aren't diminishes other people who are really suffering, OP by her own admission goes visiting, goes to work, and has said she would be a hermit if she could, this is not agoraphobia!

Ahhh no you are, just had a look at all your other comments on other posts and they are all of the same vein. Nasty. Carry on spreading your vitriol, you must get something out of it.

I force myself to do a lot of things for the sake of my kids but they both do 3 sports outside of school as well as the walks with their dad, they're certainly not missing any exercise because I haven't been going with them.

I do also gentle exercise at home so it's not the exercise that's the issue, it's the going out walking.
My psychiatrist said it's mild agoraphobia linked to another diagnosed condition.
On top of the pain, hip, neck and back from an old injury as well as arthritis and osteoporosis running strongly in my family, it's not merely unenjoyable, it's stressful and painful.