Page 8 | To tell you the school does not decide when your child can walk home alone

Itisuptoyou · 2023-05-19T08:25:23+00:00

I keep seeing this on threads and I don’t want to derail what the thread is about. But the school cannot decide this. You do as parent. It may be you are broadly in agreement with the school and I am but this is your choice and not the schools. It irrationally annoys me when people claim ‘the schools don’t allow …’ Not up to the school!

dontlookbackyourenotgoingthatway · 19/05/2023 12:34

ShyMaryEllen · 19/05/2023 09:49

I was once locked in the house (so couldn't have gone to collect anyone anyway). My son was 13 and had a key, as he walked home (a five minute walk) and let himself in. I rang the school to ask them to get him to come home to let me out. Obviously I was expecting to wait until break or lunchtime. But no. They point blank refused to let him - 'not policy to let the children out of the school during school hours'. Ridiculous. I know it was a long time ago, but I used to take my sister to school when I was seven. I wouldn't recommend that nowadays with more traffic, but if a 13 year old can't take a 5 minute walk to his own home in broad daylight I despair. We live in a small market town too, and the way home is down the High Street - populated with people who on the whole had known or seen him around since he was born.

Why didn't you walk to the school?

Nordicrain · 19/05/2023 12:35

cantkeepawayforever · 19/05/2023 12:33

As a teacher, I have had parents whose rules are, for example:

’Nobody tells my child what to do’

’No woman has the right to tell my male child off’

’If anyone does anything to my child that he doesn’t like, I’ve told him he should thump them good and hard’

’We don’t speak to anyone from x [race/location/family/ethnic background]’

Should every teacher allow every child to follow their parents’ rules? Which should we select as ‘good rules’ that over-ride school rules? Or do we just have ‘school rules’ for everyone that are varied for good reasons such as SEND?

Exactly. It's bizarre to expect schools to accept the parents' rules over the rules of the school.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 19/05/2023 12:35

dontlookbackyourenotgoingthatway · 19/05/2023 12:34

Why didn't you walk to the school?

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The first line of the post says why…

”I was once locked in the house (so couldn't have gone to collect anyone anyway). My son was 13 and had a key…”

CaptainMyCaptain · 19/05/2023 12:35

dontlookbackyourenotgoingthatway · 19/05/2023 12:34

Why didn't you walk to the school?

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I was once locked in the house (so couldn't have gone to collect anyone anyway). It was literally in the first sentence of the post.

callingeveryone · 19/05/2023 12:37

cantkeepawayforever · 19/05/2023 12:33

As a teacher, I have had parents whose rules are, for example:

’Nobody tells my child what to do’

’No woman has the right to tell my male child off’

’If anyone does anything to my child that he doesn’t like, I’ve told him he should thump them good and hard’

’We don’t speak to anyone from x [race/location/family/ethnic background]’

Should every teacher allow every child to follow their parents’ rules? Which should we select as ‘good rules’ that over-ride school rules? Or do we just have ‘school rules’ for everyone that are varied for good reasons such as SEND?

Within school, the school rules trump the parents' rules. Outside school, the parent's rules come first. Make a referral if there is a safeguarding concern though.

handydandynotebook · 19/05/2023 12:37

If they want to make it a law they need to bring in a law so I can drop work to do the school run

handydandynotebook · 19/05/2023 12:38

dontlookbackyourenotgoingthatway · 19/05/2023 12:34

Why didn't you walk to the school?

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YOU WOT?

Srin · 19/05/2023 12:40

When you accept a school place, you also accept the school rules. It is perfectly legal for children to drink coffee, play computer games and have candy floss for lunch everyday , but schools don’t allow it.

justpushingthrough · 19/05/2023 12:40

Nordicrain · 19/05/2023 12:32

Ok good for you. But what if you didnt? I mean lots of people have different ideas of what is good behaviour and appropriate rules, I just don't really understand the idea what your rules should always trump the schools. It's fine if they are reasonably compatible (which yours are), but what if they aren't? Would you expect the same?

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Hmmmm i suppose that is a good point.

Dont really have an answer, i suppose i think as long as my rules are within the law, not neglectful and not impacting anyone else then i over rule everything.

The examples i gave were ones specific to me in which i said dont ever overrule me but i forget we live in a society where some people are batshit.

So maybe i should say, "

No-one should overule you when it comes to your child as long as your rules are respectful, dont negatively impact others and arent neglectful/illegal.

That was more of a mouthful but defo the point i was trying to make lol.

GneissGuysFinishLast · 19/05/2023 12:40

Jellycatspyjamas · 19/05/2023 12:25

@GneissGuysFinishLast I beg your pardon, it wasn’t you who said schools couldn’t risk assess every family.

You have however said a 7 year old walking home was a concern. While that might be the case for the child you refer to, walking home wasn’t the actual concern so much as their behaviour that raised wider concerns. You summarised by saying “which is why a 7 year old walking home alone is a concern”, suggesting any 7 year old walking home alone is a concern. Another 7 year old in different circumstances wouldn’t be a concern at all.

You also said parents aren’t always best placed to assess their child’s capacity to walk home alone. Unless it can be evidenced the parent lacks capacity to make such decisions (ie by removal of those rights through the child protection process) they legally have the right to make those decisions for their child. They are then accountable of course if the child comes to harm. Schools can’t decide to over ride parental rights in relation to their child.

I was obviously referring to the specific 7 year old in the scenario, since I had already said that some 7 year olds would be okay in that situation (I’ve provided the screenshot - again - since you chose not to acknowledge it)

They may legally be able to make those decisions; but the school also legally have to act on any concerns. And an unaccompanied 7 year old (or 12 year old, or any other age) may be a concern.

To tell you the school does not decide when your child can walk home alone

Original poster

Itisuptoyou · 19/05/2023 12:41

I’m honestly not sure why some people are getting annoyed at this. It’s simply the way things are: the parent makes the decisions. The only time the parent does not is when SS are involved and clearly that’s justified sometimes but not for letting an eight year old walk across a yard!

To put it another way, let’s say the school decide all year 6 students should be making their way home independently. I live a long way away and there are busy roads and I’m not happy with that - does the school have the right to tell me that I must? No, they do not. Same is true in reverse.

And yes, if the school refuse to allow the child to leave without a parent when the parent has expressly given permission it is false imprisonment.

OP posts:

Needmorelego · 19/05/2023 12:42

@justpushingthrough I do think a lot of schools rules (especially around uniforms) are a load of crap.
I hated my daughters primary school uniform. Blazer and tie from age 5. Huge hoo ha over grey socks vs black socks. But the school is right next door to our flat so she went there rather than the one with a lovely polo shirt type uniform because it was a 20 minute walk away.
So yes they were telling me what to dress my child in - but for convenience of living next door we just got on with it.

Nordicrain · 19/05/2023 12:44

Itisuptoyou · 19/05/2023 12:41

I’m honestly not sure why some people are getting annoyed at this. It’s simply the way things are: the parent makes the decisions. The only time the parent does not is when SS are involved and clearly that’s justified sometimes but not for letting an eight year old walk across a yard!

To put it another way, let’s say the school decide all year 6 students should be making their way home independently. I live a long way away and there are busy roads and I’m not happy with that - does the school have the right to tell me that I must? No, they do not. Same is true in reverse.

And yes, if the school refuse to allow the child to leave without a parent when the parent has expressly given permission it is false imprisonment.

It's not the same.

And, again, do tell me, if I deemed my 3.5 yr old would be ok walking home from preschool - and instructed the preschool to allow it- would it be false imprisonment to keep her there?

Havinganap · 19/05/2023 12:44

Well actually op, as many others have said, schools won't release children without a known adult to collect them.

Sure, you can argue against basic safeguarding for your child if you wish, if your a difficult irresponsible cunt.

Also, letting small children walk home alone (unless they live round the corner from the school) also makes you an irresponsible cunt.

You have a child you look after it, that means taking it safely to and from school until a sensible age.

Shelefttheweb · 19/05/2023 12:44

Srin · 19/05/2023 12:40

When you accept a school place, you also accept the school rules. It is perfectly legal for children to drink coffee, play computer games and have candy floss for lunch everyday , but schools don’t allow it.

When you buy a product you may be expected to tick the terms and conditions but that does not mean the terms and conditions overrule consumer law. Schools may write rules that are illegal but they cannot uphold them.

Nordicrain · 19/05/2023 12:45

Shelefttheweb · 19/05/2023 12:44

When you buy a product you may be expected to tick the terms and conditions but that does not mean the terms and conditions overrule consumer law. Schools may write rules that are illegal but they cannot uphold them.

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Applying safeguarding rules isn't illegal. Telling parents they need to collect their kids, or have another adult do it, is not false imprisonment.

Spiderboy · 19/05/2023 12:47

As a parent if you agree to sending your child to X school, you are also agreeing to their rules surely? I’d rather not faff with school uniform but it’s their rule. Same with the rules around pick up.

StraightOuttaContext · 19/05/2023 12:48

"Socialist bullshit", "false imprisonment", refusing to leave a dog at home...I'm only on page 3 and this thread is brilliant, thank you all 😁

CadburyDream · 19/05/2023 12:48

I witnessed my kids school not allowing a child to go home with her sister because she was 15 not 16 they point blank refused so whatever 🤷🏻‍♀️

JenWillsiam · 19/05/2023 12:49

Itisuptoyou · 19/05/2023 12:41

I’m honestly not sure why some people are getting annoyed at this. It’s simply the way things are: the parent makes the decisions. The only time the parent does not is when SS are involved and clearly that’s justified sometimes but not for letting an eight year old walk across a yard!

To put it another way, let’s say the school decide all year 6 students should be making their way home independently. I live a long way away and there are busy roads and I’m not happy with that - does the school have the right to tell me that I must? No, they do not. Same is true in reverse.

And yes, if the school refuse to allow the child to leave without a parent when the parent has expressly given permission it is false imprisonment.

Nope. Doesn’t work like that. School cannot make decisions once a child is off school grounds. They can make decisions re what happens on school grounds. Requiring a parent to collect is within their decision making. You have no idea what you’re talking about.

callingeveryone · 19/05/2023 12:50

I hate schools and other institutions overstepping their remit in this way.

adulthumanfemalemum · 19/05/2023 12:50

FrogsWormsandButterflies · 19/05/2023 09:39

School doesn’t bother me too much, year 5/6 can walk home alone which is fine.

I do have an issue with my older DC. She goes to a club weekly and has done since she was 5, she is now 16. Last week they went bowling, she wasn’t allowed to meet me in the carpark without an adult escorting her to the car. She had flown alone but couldn’t be trusted to walk 10m across a carpark in broad daylight

This reminds me of theatre chaperoning. There is no distinction between 5 year olds and 15 year olds in their rules. My DD at age 15 had flown abroad alone, had been taking public transport daily to school for 5 years, and had been collecting younger kids from school as a babysitter. But according to the chaperone rules, when she was in a an amateur theatre production she wasn't allowed to go to the toilet unaccompanied or leave the theatre without an adult.
Absolutely ridiculous.

Original poster

Itisuptoyou · 19/05/2023 12:52

@Nordicrain so in a hypothetical sort of sense, if you refused to collect a three year old then the preschool would probably call SS who would then take whatever action they deemed necessary.

Where you seem to be misunderstanding is the role of the school within that. Parents have the right to make decisions that they believe to be right for their child. These do not include (obviously) neglect, abuse and so on and schools play a part in protecting children from this and rightly so - this doesn’t include making parenting decisions for them.

See above re I decide when I think it’s right for my child to walk home. If the school say ten but I think ‘not ready yet’ that’s my call, not the schools.

OP posts:

TheOriginalEmu · 19/05/2023 12:53

SiousieSoo · 19/05/2023 10:02

Oh give it a rest!! Don't you think that schools apply such rules in the context of national guidance, experience and judgement on a holistic basis? Why would you wish to override this? Just because you think you know better... You sound like such a bore with your 'you as a parent' sctick. I am sure you are down the school like a shot at every opportunity to impart your 'wisdom' 😂

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I do know my child better than a blanket school system. 100% I do. I know when my kid is capable of walking home.
I have 5 kids. I was once in the situation where my oldest autistic child’s school transport arrived home from his school at the same I was supposed to pick his siblings up from theirs. I live 7 houses down from their primary, so I told them to walk. The school refused to let them until I kicked up a fuss.

Havinganap · 19/05/2023 12:54

Honestly have some people got nothing better to do with their lives than nosey parker into how other people get their kids to and from school. Just butt out. Concentrate on your own life and children.

As for accusing schools of false imprisonment. I've never read such ridiculous nonsense. The school spent want your kid. They just have to make sure that there's an adult there to collect them so your little kid doesn't get run over.