To tell you the school does not decide when your child can walk home alone

[Itisuptoyou]

I keep seeing this on threads and I don’t want to derail what the thread is about.

But the school cannot decide this. You do as parent. It may be you are broadly in agreement with the school and I am but this is your choice and not the schools.

It irrationally annoys me when people claim ‘the schools don’t allow …’ Not up to the school!

@Dumbphone 25 years as a child protection social worker here, I too know a bit about safeguarding - nice to see we’re on the same page.

Definitely this.

Completely agree. My DC walks the majority of the way to school by themselves but they won't release them to an older sibling with me waiting in the car. In September they will be 'allowed' to walk home alone.

Technically you might be right, but why would you want to annoy the school about this? Don't you think they have enough problems to deal with, without stroppy parents having a difference of opinion with them about the right qge for children to walk home unsupervised?

Speaking as a former teacher, it's parents sticking their noses in and thinking they have the right to interfere much more than they do that is a MUCH bigger problem than the behaviour of the kids! YABU.

Our school told us year 5s were not allowed to walk to school alone - if they didn’t turn up - they would be assumed sick and a phone would be made later in the day. If a year 6 student who was allowed to walk to school didn’t turn up they would call the parents immediately.

I can't really answer that without describing the child in question which I won't do. It was shorthand. I will say that neither I or the Headteacher would have wanted that child walking home by himself let alone in charge of a 5 year old.

Technically you might be right, but why would you want to annoy the school about this?

Because I want my child to develop appropriate independence, because I have different children in different schools and can’t be in two places at once, because I can’t easily leave something at home to pick him up and I know he’s perfectly capable of getting himself home. In all honesty if professional people in a school want to get annoyed about it, that’s their business. Not annoying the school is pretty far down the list of considerations when making decisions about my child.

I had a similar situation in a nursery I was working in. A parent sent their teenage daughter to collect their two year old sibling from nursery. The policy of the nursery was that a sibling under the age of 16 could not not collect a child from nursery. I had to contact the parent and as you can imagine they were not impressed! Not my rule but I could see valid arguments on both sides. One one hand it is absolutely up to the parent to judge if their teenage daughter is mature and able to care for their sibling but from the nursery's perspective they have a duty of care to make sure that each child is in safe hands when they leave.

While you individually may not, as a society we have decided that schools are now responsible for taking this on, in addition to the teaching of basic personal and life skills that used to fall under ‘parenting’.

It is that general societal expectation that should be removed - no school should be required or expected to get involved in anything happening outside school, except for safeguarding where they immediately refer to a well-resourced [in my dreams] Safeguarding / social services / early intervention team and take no further action themselves. While - explicitly or by default or simply by blame if things go wrong - the responsibility is passed to schools and action is expected by them, it is not surprising that parenting / schooling lines become blurred.

I’m not sure whether you are being deliberately obtuse or if you are genuinely having reading comprehension issues; so I’ve provided you with screenshots to prove that you are completely misquoting me.

I didn’t say that parents aren’t best placed to assess whether children are best placed to walk home alone. I said parents aren’t always best placed to make this decision. In the same quote where I say a 7 year old May have capacity whereas a 15 year old may not.

Please screenshot where I said that parents can’t risk assess every family and need a blanket rule. I absolutely did not say that, and have kindly provided screenshots where I have stated the exact opposite.

Please again provide me with a quote where I said 7 year olds should not be allowed to walk home. Again, for your ease, I have provided some screenshots where I have stated the exact opposite.

You are embarrassing yourself. Imagine being this confidently wrong.

@Jellycatspyjamas isn't it funny how few professionals truly understand risk.

I really don't think it's that complicated - a basic risk matrix; how likely is it that something will happen v how catastrophic are the consequences weighed against the control. It is possible but unlikely my son could get rammed by a car on the pavement, the consequence could be catastrophic BUT me being there unlikely to stop it. It is possible my son will fall over on pavement, consequence negligible AND me being there would be unlikely to stop it.

Do schools seriously not do this sort of risk assessment on a fairly frequent basis? It's embarrassing actually.

@CremeEggThief I do not want to antagonise teachers, but just asking for some true common sense.

Correct.

Most parents want an amicable working relationship with the school their child is at.

I personally found it mortifying when Deputy head phoned me to pick DD1 up - y4 from a from school activity telling me off that I'd been allowing her to walk back - it was less than 5 minute walk daylight busy and she walked with a friend. I had to go and pick her up - with upset rushed younger kids with me . I was made to feel very neglectful because I hadn't hear the rumours about white van abductions in area and I was gossiped about and they did keep an extra eye on my kids for a bit - which was unpleasant and DD1 was upset by whole thing.

I looked into the rumours turned out nearby city - not even our area - they'd had an alert that had turned out to be a dad in a van giving a lift after driving past and spotting their late secondary school teen was witnessed and reported to the police.

I currently don't have a good relationship with DS school - so many bullshit accusations at him that have turned out to be false - I don't trust a word they say now and they don't like that we question what they say - luckily he gets on well with all his teachers but anything above that is bloody fraught and stressful.

So technically you are right - practically they can make life very hard for kids and parents and other parents reactions can also an influencing factor and it depends how important an issue it is to the family as to if it's worth the fight.

I really try not to annoy teachers. But this is a case of schools sticking their nose in to what is a parent's decision. If there is no basis for a SS referral, then it is not the school's business.

Absolutely no-one overrides my rules, noone.

Im very firm on this. ( of course as long as im not doing anything illegal or neglectful)

An example from this i have is that when it was minus 11 in winter my children wore extra fleeces, one of my children was told to take it off as it wasnt "uniform"

I calmly but clearly explained the next day that no-one over rules my decisions and if they have an issue with it please contact me, not my 7 year old child.

Same with bathroom breaks, I sent a polite email stating my children will never be refused the bathroom, it was aknowledged and accepted.

These are out children and absolutely noone should be over riding your decisions.

Well you may think that, but our school does not release the children unless they are y5 or above (and with consent of the parent) or being picked up by someone over the age of 16. A y4 can leave with an older sibling from the school. I know parents who have tried to get an exception and were unsuccessful.

@GneissGuysFinishLast I beg your pardon, it wasn’t you who said schools couldn’t risk assess every family.

You have however said a 7 year old walking home was a concern. While that might be the case for the child you refer to, walking home wasn’t the actual concern so much as their behaviour that raised wider concerns. You summarised by saying “which is why a 7 year old walking home alone is a concern”, suggesting any 7 year old walking home alone is a concern. Another 7 year old in different circumstances wouldn’t be a concern at all.

You also said parents aren’t always best placed to assess their child’s capacity to walk home alone. Unless it can be evidenced the parent lacks capacity to make such decisions (ie by removal of those rights through the child protection process) they legally have the right to make those decisions for their child. They are then accountable of course if the child comes to harm. Schools can’t decide to over ride parental rights in relation to their child.

Right, well bath room breaks and being cold in unusually cold weather is one thing.

But what if your rules are you sit on tables not chairs. Or it's fine to punch other kids. Or that it's appropriate for your little angel to sing christmas carols loudly through lessons. Would you expect the school to just accept your rules?

How terribly awful of a primary school, to put in place rules to improve the safety of the children attending it. You should definitely go after them for false imprisonment... FFS

These arent rules, just expected decent manners and behavior which i would always enforce and expect of my children.

I dont condone bad behavior and i would expect the school/teacher to absolutely discipline my children.

Im not a free reign mum, i teach and expect manners, behavior and respect so your examples dont really add value as its really not the same thing.

That’s not correct.

A school is not required to let your children walk off site without supervision just because you’ve instructed them to. As a parent you are required to collect them.

Yes it is terrible. Schools could put in place lots of rules outside of school to protect children. All children in bed by 10pm at the latest, sweets only to be given once a week, menu plans submitted to class teacher for approval. It is not the schools business.

Ok good for you. But what if you didnt? I mean lots of people have different ideas of what is good behaviour and appropriate rules, I just don't really understand the idea what your rules should always trump the schools. It's fine if they are reasonably compatible (which yours are), but what if they aren't? Would you expect the same?

As a teacher, I have had parents whose rules are, for example:

’Nobody tells my child what to do’

’No woman has the right to tell my male child off’

’If anyone does anything to my child that he doesn’t like, I’ve told him he should thump them good and hard’

’We don’t speak to anyone from x [race/location/family/ethnic background]’

Should every teacher allow every child to follow their parents’ rules? Which should we select as ‘good rules’ that over-ride school rules? Or do we just have ‘school rules’ for everyone that are varied for good reasons such as SEND?

Wonder if nursery or preschool children should be allowed to leave too? Isn't that exactly the same concept of false imprisonment? I reckon DD at 3.5 would have been able to find her way home, it was only a 10 min walk and she was quite switched on.