Work and teenagers

[JollySmartie]

I didn't want to derail another thread, but I'm wondering about both parents working full time when their kids reach 12+.
On one hand we read threads asking how at what age can kids be safely left at home, and on another I've just read about a mother being jumped on for not 'just leaving her kids to get on with it' so she can work full time. Kids aged 12-15.

In my experience young teens can get into all sorts of trouble if there isn't a sensible adult around, and so I want to ask what other MNers do with them in the holidays.

It's easier when they are young enough to go to a child care setting. How old are they when this stops? I did a lot of juggling when mine were this age (single mum at the time and with a very unhelpful ex so mostly down to me)

I guess I am asking if I am unreasonable to think it's a lot to ask of teenagers to be totally responsible for themselves and possibly tween-age siblings whilst their parents are working full time.

And what do/did other parents do really. I'm curious but also a bit shocked, especially when youngsters do get into a pickle, and people are all outraged and saying 'where were their parents?!)

Most people cannot afford to not work full time.

I think it's totally dependent on the teen. Mine was entirely sensible and self sufficient at 12 and left to her own devices would spend most of her time with horses that she rides for other people. But we live in a small town in the rural south west where it's quite hard to get into mischief.

You can work and watch out for your teen though, it just requires a bit of planning and enlisting support from family and friends.

I know. But I'm wondering how people deal with their teenagers.

DH and I have always worked full time. We used breakfast and after school clubs initially but from age 11 onwards DT’s had a compulsory one hour after school homework class. DT’s did lots of sports through school so were often staying at school until 6pm. They got the tube to and from school and their school hours as teenagers mirrored our working hours.

Plenty of people leave their kids from secondary age on their own for part then the whole of the day. It depends on the individual kid on what age they can be left for the entire day.

I've been in offices listening to parents including fathers fielding calls from their secondary aged kids to ask them the most trivial things.

If you haven't built your kids up to be independent by the age of 15 and they don't have additional needs, then you need to look at you parenting.

Kids in their teens need a lot of input.

Counselling
Revision
exams
taxi service
sorting out problems.
Sex n drugs n rock n roll

They are less physically demanding, but very emotionally demanding.

I may be doing a TAAT but it just got me thinking. It seemed as though everyone was racing to prove how earning more money to enable the family to have holidays and 'nice things' without really thinking about the impact on the kids.
And obvious we don't all have 'other people's horses to ride' ( which i imagine involves other adults to supervise) And also we're back to grandparents and friends helping out...

Exactly!

Of course teens need "input". Having a job doesn't mean that you ignore your kid 24/7. Like all things work and childcare related it's a juggling act and most people have no choice but to work. Not for "nice holidays" but to keep everyone warm and fed.

Kids who live in a city with public transport don't need a taxi service. They learn how to get about using public transport and by foot. Generations of kids from all over the country have managed this way.

Not all kids need help with revision from their parents. It depends on the individual child as well as the school they go to.

With friends and family it's often a quid pro quo. I bring your kid on a day out and you do the same next week type of thing.

Although as they get older they tend to sort that out amongst themselves.

Often one or both parents will wfh. So there when children get off bus and around in holidays. When mine was at secondary we had a routine of her coming in at 4.15 and me having a cup of tea/catch up. Then both back to our rooms to do work/homework.
In holidays some more activities based childcare will take older children or have them back as helpers. Week at grannys, week at pgl (they used to take tax free childcare vouchers)
Personally I didn’t work ft until DC was 15 and was mainly wfh all her teen years.

@Paq I left a bit out, sorry. The thread in question, OP said they could manage (the way I understood it) if they were more frugal. But that her DH wanted holidays. People jumped on her because it was deemed unfair to him doing all the work and getting no nice things.
I totally agree that most of us need to work full time and that's a very sad state of affairs.

We both work full time, mainly at home, teens can come and go as they want. My work is particularly flexible, I mainly manage my own timetable. Best of both for our family.

That sounds very balanced @Dixiechickonhols

Sounds ideal.
So to a degree it's a lot about whether you can work from home.

😂😂

Im not letting my 16 year old dd go on public transport late at night.

And all 4 of our teens needed bullying to do and support with revision.

Maybe you have perfect children.

Yes totally, and that's exactly what I did with mine. It's the juggling I was referring to.

None of which stop parents having full time careers.

A typical summer when she was older secondary was her away at grandmas a week, she stayed with her friends grandma or went away with a friend for a few days, week activity holiday and 2 weeks us away. If I was working I’d usually be around (wfh) or would book off half days here and there (teens usually sleep am)
Personally I’m glad I was around and we have a good relationship.

No it doesn’t.

But then if you leave your 15 year old alone all day they could be shagging anyone. Or doing drugs.

Mine were far from perfect too @ArseInTheCoOpWindow! Turned out great though in the end though

@Parker231 what do your children do in the holidays?

I am thinking once again (and aware I'm referring to the attitude towards all this on a different thread) that many posters are blinkered regarding other people's lives.

I work full time - hybrid arrangement so am home 3 or 4 out of 5 days and work compressed hours so I can take 2 days off a month which really helps - my eldest is autistic and still needs quite a lot of support in spite of being 21, so my set up still allows me to do my job but also give him the support he needs (appointments etc). My other 2 teens still need way more hands on care/guidance than I'd thought they would, (if you were to believe MN that they are mini adults by that age!) - but like people generally, all teens are different- mine cope well being left to get on with things within a supportive safety net, as long as they know I'm there if needed it works well, but out of the house 10+ hours a day x5 days a week? No they wouldn't manage so well. I'm a single parent as well so that may make a difference.

I work PT and DH WFH since covid.

DS now 11. He goes to football camps 9-3pm in school holidays on the days I work, or entertains himself at home.

This summer we will let him have a week where he is allowed to just arrange meet ups with friends in the park etc and be responsible for sorting himself out this week. We will be local enough to help him if he needs help while out and about. We will see how it goes. I wouldn't want to leave teens to their own devices all day in the holidays. DD is 16 and our approach has worked well with her. She is no trouble.

None of which stop parents having full time careers.

It can do though. Because these things depend so much on so many variables. Sometimes a full time career is possible and sometimes it's not. All dependent on circumstances.