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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really annoyed he plans to let them use my room?

111 replies

MySpace19 · 18/05/2023 20:13

I'm currently away dealing with some family stuff and DH is at home.

Just need to add here that me and DH have separate bedrooms and have done practically since the start. We just sleep so much better in our own beds and it works for us (no affect on sex life, marriage is fine etc).

He let slip during a phone call tonight that he's told his DC that they can have multiple friends over for a sleepover on Saturday night and that they plan to use my room (bigger than said DCs).

This would also mean them sleeping in my bed and using my room all night and I'm just really not happy about it and DH thinks I'm being unreasonable and doesn't think it matters and thinks I'm just being awkward.

I've told DH I don't want a load of teenagers in my room and bed and have told him they can sleep in his if he's offering up anyone's room but he thinks I'm terribly unreasonable for making a fuss about it.

AIBU to not want a load of random teens sleeping in my room and bed and using it as a hang out all night? I can't explain it very well but it just makes me uncomfortable and I'm not happy about it, I'd never have been allowed to use my parents room like this when I was a child.

(DH doesn't want them to use his as he has a set up in there for TV etc. he uses).

OP posts:

AspiringChatBot · 18/05/2023 21:25

There are all kinds of possible arguments for and against your agreeing to the use of your bedroom. BUT it's clearly unreasonable of him to have offered it without asking you, if that's what happened. And if he did ask and you said a clear no, that should have been the end of it. It's also especially uncomfortable as it's all happening while you're not home - you weren't even given the opportunity to put valuable or private things safely away.

So, YANBU/HIBU.

OliveWah · 18/05/2023 21:42

No chance! Especially as you're away and wouldn't have the opportunity to whip around the room and put away anything you wouldn't want them peeking through. I would hate the thought of random teenagers sleeping in my bed - and surely they'd be uncomfortable with it too?

We have teenagers, and when they have friends for sleepovers they hang out in their rooms until about 9/10pm, then we let them have the front room for the night. I think your DH is really out of order for this expectation that you'll be comfortable with this, and even more so that he's annoyed that you're not!

bladebladebla1 · 18/05/2023 21:44

If he asked before you went it would be different but that's a total piss take to do when you're already away. They'll probs do even if you say no.

Batalax · 18/05/2023 21:45

Well if dh is using the stuff in his room, then they can have the lounge then!

Thats where my kids had their sleepovers when there were a few of them. Bring sleeping bags.

Mum2jenny · 18/05/2023 21:46

I’d be putting a lock on my door and using it anytime I was away overnight to stop this shite being able to happens

UWhatNow · 18/05/2023 21:46

This is such an invasion of privacy and trust that I would come home just to prevent this and be re-evaluating my marriage.

sunsetssky · 18/05/2023 21:46

I'd go crazy.

ihateaparade · 18/05/2023 21:48

Are you able to contact your DSC and let them know that despite what their Father has said, you are absolutely not giving them permission to use your room? Because once everyone knows that it's not ok, then there is no plausible deniability...

MysteryBelle · 18/05/2023 21:50

Tell him absolutely not. They can stay in his bedroom, his daughter’s bedroom, or camp out in the living room.

Very convenient he waits until you’re out of town to tell you.

Tell him NO.

PelvicFlora · 18/05/2023 21:51

No. No no no. He expects you to be okay with teenage boys sleeping in your bed?! Fuck that all the way up and back down the other side. No.

MysteryBelle · 18/05/2023 21:51

If there’s any way for you to come home and put a lock on your door. Or call his daughter and firmly tell her the other rooms to use and that she does not have permission to use her room and it was very manipulative of her and her father to wait for you to be out of town before springing this on you.

No, no, and no!

MysteryBelle · 18/05/2023 21:53

Hold on, I assumed it was his daughter but it’s his son?

NO NO NO

They have some nerve.

MysteryBelle · 18/05/2023 21:53

does not have permission to use your room, not her

ButterCrackers · 18/05/2023 21:58

The kids can bring round camping mattresses to put up in the sitting room etc. They should have no right to use your room at all. Tell them that they are not to go into your room. Tell your dh that you go along with separate bedroom idea but he should respect your space. If not then tell him that you’re moving into his room permanently so that your bedroom can be the kids party room permanently.

Cordeliathecat · 18/05/2023 21:59

I’m with you OP!

My young teen DD had some girlfriends over whilst me and DH went out to dinner.

Came home and they’d had a pampering evening in MY BEDROOM! Pizza boxes on the bed, my make-up and my face creams all over the place. They’d even been through my underwear drawer trying on all my bras!!
I was raging!

Do not let them in your room!!

gamerchick · 18/05/2023 22:00

Time to put a lockable doorknob on for the future. I'd be reading him the riot act for the blatant disrespect before and after I got back tbh.

Beelezebub · 18/05/2023 22:01

So it’s not ok for them muck about with his stuff in his room, but it is ok for them to do that in your room?

cheeky twat

Speakingofdinosaurs · 18/05/2023 22:08

Oh my god no!
What if you’d got a washing basket with dirty knickers on top! Or if a pair had got just under the bed. They could go through your drawers. Or if you had private papers lying around.
Just no!

Shinyandnew1 · 18/05/2023 22:10

Absolutely not-they can sleep in their own room or the lounge if DH won’t give them his. We always did DD’s sleepovers in the lounge as it’s much bigger than her bedroom.

L1ttledrummergirl · 18/05/2023 22:13

Thats so disrespectful of your dh. Your room is not his to give away (however temporarily).

Let them sleep over in the lounge.

Notamum12345577 · 18/05/2023 22:15

Is no one going to mention that she could have ‘toys’ in a drawer that teenage boys may find it funny to find? 😬

Atishoos · 18/05/2023 22:20

OMG, I can't believe this. Your room is your sanctuary.

If you come back and discover that your wishes were completely ignored I would disconnect the DH tv and console and put them in YOUR room, then move into his and get a bloody huge lock.

There's not much respect for your privacy from your DH here. He is afraid of upsetting his likkle teenage kids but doesn't give a shit about you it seems. Not on, that would break me, seriously.

caringcarer · 18/05/2023 22:21

I'd tell DH no and I'd tell DSC no. I'd be furious if they used your personal room and I'd get a lock put on it to stop it ever happening again. DH might find no sex for a long while too, until he understands your feelings count.

Daisypain · 18/05/2023 22:22

Hard no from me.
I would actually be really anxious about it happening even though I’d been clear with DH because he sounds completely disrespectful of your private space.

Can you get home early? I wouldn’t relax.

Maybe text your DSC now and tell them absolutely no.

NumberTheory · 18/05/2023 22:32

I'd be fine with it if I'd known before hand and been able to hide the sex toys, my journal, etc. But there is no way I'd want a group of teenagers in a position to nose through my stuff before I'd made it "safe".

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