A moan about reward systems at school - I know IABU really

[Howmuchdoyousleep]

School has a merit system where for every 10 merits you get a certificate bronze, silver, gold, ruby etc that sort of thing.

DD was upset last night as most in the class are way ahead of her. Including DC who are not well behaved and in fact have been quite mean to DD this year. DD is quiet, well behaved, able and works hard and honestly I think gets overlooked. I've said all the right things to her that doing well is for her alone really and that merits are given to people who try to improve their behaviour etc. Having another child with additional needs, I know that DD is lucky to be able to work hard and do well.

But in all honesty I think it rubbish to not acknowledge the ones who work hard day in day out - it is very demotivating for them. DD has had a difficult year with a lot of medical problems this year and could do without this comparison as she really values school and wants to do well. Surely if you have a reward system it should be done to motivate all not just those at the top and bottom.

What do they award merits for?

Good work, trying hard, listening well, being kind - all sorts of things. The aim is to try to be as inclusive as possible I think.

I agree OP. My Yr 6 daughter has only been given the merit award at her junior school once. They give it out every week in every class. Yr 3 and 4 for her were disrupted due to covid so not a full year. She got it once last year and we are now deep into her last term in Yr 6 and still hasn’t had it.
She works hard, always on time, tries hard at everything but is a little quiet. She was bullied this year and she has watched her bullies receive the merit twice this year alone. And is acutely aware she has only had it the once since being at the junior school. I’ve run out of excuses for her now and despise these so called awards.

@IsGoodIsDon your poor daughter ☹️ That's awful for her to have to watch her bullies getting these awards.

Completely agree. The ones who are quiet and just get on with things do seem to get overlooked, whereas the loud mouthed ones who are shouting about everything they have done get rewarded. Really grinds my gears. A child in my DC’s class gets merits because they didn’t hit anyone all week. Whereas my DC is just a bit of an all rounder who is the same every week, so definitely gets overlooked.
another child in my DC’s class is a very literal genius, but because he always excels in everything he very rarely gets recognition.

*very shy literal genius I meant to say

I agree OP. Our school are pretty good and most teachers seem to keep some sort of list to ensure every child gets it at least once! Other teachers don't so much - which I understand as they are busy - but the kids do definitely notice when child X has had multiple awards and they haven't had any, despite consistently being good and trying hard.

Contact the teacher and I guarantee your DD will get the award next week. You'll realise how pointless they are then, if you haven't already become totally jaded by the process.

YABU - reward systems are shit and counterproductive.

Absolutely hate the awards that are given for attendance .. child is lucky to be healthy, or parent send them to school, regardless, even if they're not.

Of course, the reverse is children who are unwell or whose parents sent them to the shop just as leaving for school. They're often doing very well to turn up as well as they do.

Why wouldn’t you raise this with the teacher?
We obviously teach them that they can’t win everything but I don’t think we should be endorsing the idea that they can’t win/achieve/gain anything. Don’t let them be overlooked. Better yet, ask her to ask the teacher but if she won’t then do it for her. Show her by example that it’s perfectly fine to stand up and say hey actually, I’ve been performing really well and I deserve the reward that is supposed to
go with that.

This is the second thread I’ve read in a few days on this topic and it’s a bit of a mystery to me. We even have commenters on this thread that it’s been happening to their children for YEARS. Why would you let this go on for years?

I think these rewards cause bitterness whichever "camp" you are in. I was always the overachiever and it was frustrating to see people being rewarded for things it was taken for granted I would do. This was frustrating whether they were actively badly behaved, or just "average".

Obviously the ignored middle are the big sufferers

I'm sure parents of badly behaved/demotivated children feel their children really need the support, too, but yes, from the other side, it's frustrating. Particularly when the children aren't just badly behaved, they're actually bullying or hurting the other children who don't get those rewards. I definitely think teachers out to be more mindful of that.

Is this primary or secondary school?

I work in a secondary school and we have a "net points" system where behaviour points are deducted from achievement points when it come to rewards.

At the end of each day I award achievement points firstly to those who have made a big effort in lessons to participate, then I also award some to those who are quiet but work consistently well each lesson.

I would have a word with the school as systems like the one you describe are really awful and favour "naughty" kids just for being "normal" rather than those who are always well behaved.

I hate these reward systems too. It's always the badly behaved little buggers who get rewarded for managing not to behave like a complete menace for 5 minutes. Drives me mad as I have a quiet, consistently well behaved, under the radar type DC who rarely gets acknowledged. Grinds my gears.

I hear you!! My 11 year daughter is working way above her peers,always has. But she's never received recognition. The naughty ones who have the odd good week are frequently rewarded. It does REALLY annoy me 😔

Talk to her teacher and explain how demoralised she feels about it and that she feels she might be being overlooked.

I have a reward system at a youth group I run (kids get a sticker). Each leader chooses their "child of the week". What the kids don't know is that we have a tick sheet to make sure that everyone gets a more or less equal turn at getting chosen.

Quiet well behaved children are overlooked. At DDs primary it was the badly behaved children who were praised and picked for everything.
There were several occasions they were picked to ‘represent the school’ at events and they had to be picked up because of their behaviour.
It doesn’t work. Having worked in secondary schools for years these kids already come in with the attitude they are untouchable.

I did have a discussion with her teacher about her being overlooked in a Christmas play, once again. So we prioritised activities outside of school where she actually participated. The teacher then complained she wasn’t free for the Christmas play (at night, she was in the choir, again) because the badly behaved kids generally didn’t turn up consistently. I told him, you can’t have it both ways.

Yes it is frustrating when this happens. DC1’s school had similar and Dc didn’t understand why they never got these merits despite being a high achiever and behaving well, whilst the worst behaved children would get one if they hadn’t kicked anyone that morning.

My high achiever was very funny on this when he was young. He was regretting a special prize for which he's need a couple more points by the end of term. I had suggested he make a special effort for them if he wanted to achieve it. Oh no, came the reply, I'd have to be naughty then good again, and I can't be bothered 🤣🤣

I agree. It used to annoy me when I'd sign into check my tutor group's points and if you looked at the number of merits/positive points across the class you'd have a very inaccurate idea of what the class behaviour looked like.

Many staff are very fair, but others seem to dish reward points out like candy to bribe classes or to try and make certain students like them.
I used to check the negative behaviour logs each week and then award tutor points to the pupils who didn't get any negative ones as a way to even it out. I was very open about doing it too and saying it's important those who do the right thing every day are recognised.

That said, the high achievers do know they are doing well, and usually get recognition in a number of ways. I've never got too taxed personally about how teachers do their difficult job. I just thought our experience of it was comical.

My dd was always v bright at school and hardly ever got the star of the week or whatever. I simply explained that they usually give them to the naughty ones to try to motivate them and told her she was always MY Star of the week. She understood.
Surely these merits are a bit pointless if they are given to everybody though? Where's the incentive to work harder?

I’d suggest talking to the teacher, that’s your first point of contact to resolve this. Teachers have a difficult job but I’m sure you can resolve this by discussion. It would probably give you the best results. Nobody should be wary of teachers or any professional people, they are humans too and will probably be more understanding than you think, if you will talk to them.

I feel like it’s a blue print for life.

Behave well and you’ll be overlooked and just plod along - a teacher once tried to berate me because she didn’t know me and I responded to her with “well you’re only bothered about the naughty kids” and she was stumped (15 year old me was made up haha).

My mum and dad used to make me feel better by explaining how by working hard I can have holidays, a house, good food in the cupboards and a happy social life - which has all been true.

Could you ask how and why their “star system “ is useful for the pupils or parents or teachers? It sounds ridiculous to me. I left school in 1980 so I didn’t experience any star ratings. I’m shocked how much homework is given to young children, it’s such a lot when they’re only 8. I can’t remember doing so much homework at that age but in the 1970’s there was a lot in my run up to O levels. I still have nightmares!
No children should hate going to school. If things are going wrong in the schools that your children go to, speak up and go to the head. Don’t be frightened of authority, they’re only people like us.