A moan about reward systems at school - I know IABU really

[Howmuchdoyousleep]

School has a merit system where for every 10 merits you get a certificate bronze, silver, gold, ruby etc that sort of thing.

DD was upset last night as most in the class are way ahead of her. Including DC who are not well behaved and in fact have been quite mean to DD this year. DD is quiet, well behaved, able and works hard and honestly I think gets overlooked. I've said all the right things to her that doing well is for her alone really and that merits are given to people who try to improve their behaviour etc. Having another child with additional needs, I know that DD is lucky to be able to work hard and do well.

But in all honesty I think it rubbish to not acknowledge the ones who work hard day in day out - it is very demotivating for them. DD has had a difficult year with a lot of medical problems this year and could do without this comparison as she really values school and wants to do well. Surely if you have a reward system it should be done to motivate all not just those at the top and bottom.

Totally agree, I’ve got a mature, quiet, well behaved one. Guess who gets all the glory/merits/awards? Yep, the ‘less well behaved’ boys 😠

Yanbu. My yd used to be frustrated at the naughty kids getting rewards for behaving for a short period of time when she behaved like that the whole time, and she is now 23. Rewarding them for behaving how they should didn't seem to change their behaviour either, not in the long run. They were like it the whole time I knew of them at school.

I think that all kids need some recognition. When my kids were in infants, being the kid who doesn't even get their turn at Star of The Week made them feel like their teacher didn't even like them which is sad when they wanted to be liked by their teacher. Children might not need the certificate but hearing their teacher complement them on their work, effort or behaviour does them a lot of good.
I was that parent who had to tell the teacher that they'd forgotten my child this school year so that they'd get Star of the Week at least once. They went to a school where at least one boy and one girl received the award every Friday so my child should receive it at least once per school year.

We had similar at my DCs old school.
A reward system where they’d earn “golden time” (30 mins on a Friday afternoon to do whatever fun activity they choose) after so many merit points earned.
There was a couple of kids in the class, no special needs (I was friends with one set of parents so I know this to be the case), just some pretty horrendous behaviour and violence towards other kids.
DD would come out and say stuff like “J got 5 merit points because he didn’t hit anyone today” 😑😑👍🏻
Whereas she or any other child in the class who behaves well majority of the time and completes their work etc would have to do something spectacular to earn 5 merit points in one fell swoop. Whereas this kid was earning points for behaving the same way every other child in the class manages to behave every day? 🤨 Rubbed quite a few parents up the wrong way because it seemed like one rule for one and another rule for everyone else resulting in a fair few DCs (my Dd included) feeling like “what’s the point in putting in extra effort when it’s not recognised anyway” 🤷🏻‍♀️
It’s crap.
I made a point of doing something special with DD at home instead when she’d done really well at something that wasn’t recognised by the school point system.

I completely agree with you OP.

My DD isn’t very academic. She has to try really really hard to be clever, but her effort is amazing and her kindness and manners are second to none.

But these rewards are academic based and she never gets anything. It makes me seethe

For anyone interested in exploring this issue further I highly recommend, "Punished by Rewards" by Alfie Kohn.

It's a fantastic book about how damaging rewards systems are in school and is backed up by research.

If it were up to me I'd completely abolish rewards systems in schools (with the exception of some children with SEN).

Totally agree with you. They’re using the rewards to motivate the most disruptive like ‘well done for going 45 minutes without violence, you get a kindness award’. But my DS who is always kind and has never once physically hurt another child… nothing. The one’s that are no trouble are always overlooked as they just aren’t on the teachers minds as much as the others. It’s completely flawed

Playing devils advocate here but how do you know exactly that she is quiet, well behaved and working as hard as others? Are you there in the classroom watching her? Have you seen the other students work to compare how well she is doing amongst peers? Or are you just assuming that’s the case because teachers have never said otherwise? For all you know she could be quiet, but also a bit lazy and often daydreaming and not listening, but manages to do just enough work to get through without concerns. Unless you have actually watched her in class, you really do not know what she is really like there.

I can’t speak for other teachers, but I always make sure the quiet, well behaved and just get on with it students get my merits first (secondary though)

Definitely say something! I was your daughter and it was very hurtful seeing kids who managed to keep it together get awards and treats for things I did all day every day. I was in advanced classes with older children for some subjects and so I didn't get recognition in my peer group and I didn't get it in the older peer group either because, duh, I was much younger. It's so demotivating and I don't feel like it helps much at all.

@CouldIHaveThatInEnglishPlease
Because that is the feedback she gets at every parents evening since she was in reception. Highest grade for effort in every school report etc. I know parents are biased but this is feedback I get from the teachers.

As I said - I was just playing devils advocate, and I am sure your dd is exactly as you say. Most students are very good, well behaved and try the best. It’s only usually 2 or 3 in a class that are tricky. But I have also seen many a parent of the less well behaved child (to put it politely) who believes there child is an absolute angel no matter how much you try and tell them the opposite.

definitely have a quiet word with the teacher

Ex-teacher here.

I had a list from the register in my diary and would pick one a week off of it and find the most pathetic reasons to do it. I’m sure others do the same. It’s not a real award.

I hate these kind of reward systems. It’s just more paperwork to have to do, bigs up the ones for who it will have the least impact for and brought moany parents to my door to complain about something I didn’t agree with.

Sometimes it is the naturally bright children that don't actually push themselves and who don't work the hardest. They are happy to coast, whereas children who are not naturally as bright have to work twice as hard to not even be at the same level. These are the children in my class with more resilience. Also, those 'naughty' children, you don't always know their backgrounds and what they have faced in their short lives. Saying that, I do try and make it fair and keep a list for class rewards. I also have to say that a lot of the parents think their children are the best behaved and always work hard, this is not the case. The majority of them all have their moments when their behaviour is not the greatest. As a teacher I deal with this in school as it is my job to do so, otherwise I would do nothing other than be speaking to parents about their child's behaviour, constant chatting or calling out or being mean to their friends.

I work in a school and agree with everything you've said. Also have kids in school who generally get on with it and don't cause a bother. Always get overlooked for praise etc. I can say as a member of the teaching staff that if it wasn't for children like yours, then all the staff would probably leave! Just keep praising them at home and telling them to keep on!

You’re certainly not being unreasonable.

Your DD is displaying a love of learning which should be nurtured and praised etc, so she can continue to grow and improve. Add to that, the fact her self-esteem could start to be effected by feeling she’s always doing her best and yet it isn’t good enough to receive these merits.

I would certainly have a chat with her teacher.. not in a moaning way, just in a way that shows you obviously care. I’m a teacher myself and if a parent came to me with this concern, I’d be grateful that they’ve told me and I would act on it/resolve it.

It’s normally good practise for teachers to keep a log of these things anyway.. so that it isn’t always the same few children receiving the rewards. I have a class list and tick when each child receives a certain certificate. I then look at the remaining names and focus on/look for something they’re doing/working towards that links to one of the certificates. So every child gets them fairly equally, while still being deserving of that reward.

As a parent, I know how you feel. My DD hasn’t got a headteacher’s award this year, yet I’ve been told she’s improved with her reading and writing (so, she could’ve been given one). I would say something, but DD isn’t fussed by it so I’ve left it. If she did, however, come home mentioning it, I most certainly would have a chat with her teacher.

Totally agree, reward systems like this are bullshit.

I would encourage you to help your child understand this and value learning for its own sake.

I've seen both sides of this, I was a very quite, well behaved student on the G+T register (no idea if that's still a thing) and would hardly ever get any real acknowledgement of that because that was my standard. It did feel rubbish when my peers who were more disruptive got rewarded and I was ignored.

However, my eldest has suspected ADHD - she isn't naughty in class, but she does really, really struggle academically. She gets stickers and certificates when she does well - I know that other children in her class will obviously be doing better than she is but on an individual level she has worked so hard for those rewards. My youngest is just like me personality wise so I feel like when she starts school history may repeat itself (the reward system doesn't appear to have updated that much!) And she will be the one getting less rewards than my eldest despite the fact that on the face of it she may well look like she's doing better. But school will be easier in many ways for her and so she won't be working quite so hard.

It's difficult because while the better behaved, academic children DO need to be acknowledged and encouraged, the children who are struggling also really, really need that confidence boost and motivation to keep trying even when they're finding it so tough.

My kids school do this too. So my son (6) in year 1, he is currently 4 merits away from a gold award which has been the best thing in regards to motivating him. He's so desperate for it that he listens better, tries so hard that they can see it's well deserved. Saying that though, his two little friends (girls) who are very good have only just got their silver award, and a boy in his class who is notorious for being a little sod (biting, pushing, not sharing) has already had his gold award! So it's not fair in that respect. It also seems the older kids struggle to get merits like year 1, as my daughter in year 4 who is an absolute gem hasn't even had her bronze award yet!

I could have written this post myself a few weeks ago! My DD is 9 (year 4) and her school use a very similar rewards system. Her older brother has additional needs and really struggles academically and seems to get merits coming out of his ears!

My DD is quiet but bright, hardworking and kind. She just gets on with things without a fuss. Up until April she had only 1 merit since sept and just before parents evening she was getting increasingly upset and told me she had the least merits in the whole year group which definitely doesn’t seem right! And the ‘naughty kids’ were getting there bronze etc awards! I was starting to wonder if I was missing something and she wasn’t doing as well as I thought… anyway went to parents eve with DH a week later. Get told DD is doing well, top end of expected for everything, bright and very well behaved but lacks confidence in her abilities . My DH is braver than me and decided to mention the merit thing, that DD only has 1 after over 7 months in school and also pen licence as that was another thing she was upset about and has been working so hard on and has beautiful handwriting/ her friends all getting theirs. Anyway teacher looks noticeably flustered and clearly didn’t realise she had only awarded her 1 merit! I felt angry she was overlooked for 7 months but so glad we mentioned it! Teacher started making excuses like DD is a bit slow to finish work sometimes so doesn’t get her books marked and maybe misses out on potential merits because of that (surely she should still be marking her work though!) but it was very clear she had just forgotten about her. With the pen licence again she looked a bit flustered and said I think she’s almost there actually and I’ll check her writing tomorrow. She did then say perhaps she’s lacking confidence because she doesn’t feel she’s being recognised with rewards (you don’t say!) so I’ll take that on board, so I was glad she listened to us and accepted she’s made a mistake!. Anyway the next day she came home with 2 merits and her pen licence and was absolutely over the moon! Since then (About 4 weeks) she’s had 10 further merits and her bronze award. Her times table MCT check score has soared from 11/25 to 24/25 and she’s much happier and more confident already . So I think the only thing you can do is speak to her teacher - it sounds exactly the same situation! Such a shame these children get overlooked!

I’m a teacher and not a massive fan of them. But always made sure each child got one or more than one equally to others in the class. Interestingly inthink my daughter’s school do them on register order or some other kind of order as time hop told me she had the pretty much the same week this year and last year!! 😂😂😂

And yes, the less well behaved kids often seem to get them when they tow the line for a week, where as the kids who always behave get overlooked. I’m also an sen teacher and honestly, reward charts don’t really work for a lot of children with additional needs as the rewards are either not motivating, too long after an event, give out mixed messages about behaviour, make children mask traits that are natural to them. Lots of reasons.

I also hate attendance awards. I’m lucky my kids love school and hate being off and rarely get I’ll. if we need a medical appointment we play the game and take them out after morning registration and sign back in before after noon registration. But some staff - secondary - seem bad at taking registers and the only time attendance award with prose (Xmas selection box) was given out my DD was missed as her attendance was wrong. It was corrected but she never did get the reward. Then after that they started putting the 100% kids into a prize draw and giving only a couple of prizes. So she never got rewarded them either. She’s autistic and hates the unfairness. They did change it so it was 100% for just a half term at a time to try and be more inclusive but I’m still not a fan.

My little girl used to get quite upset about not winning (in anything) and I honestly think things like the certificates and little competitions and things at school have really helped her to normalise "losing" or missing out. I think its a really good life lesson and opportunity to see that some people need a bit more help than others and giving them some preferential treatment so that they can catch up to be the same as others isn't a bad thing. Arguing against them is the same as saying well this doesn't benefit my child so it shouldn't be in place. Maybe it is benefiting yours in the same as its benefitting mine and with some extra empathy support she could potentially see that. And she will appreciate all the more when she does win one to recognise a personal achievement. Because honestly, what really would be the point if she got it all the time. They are supposed to be to motivate, if there's a bully that is working on improving their behaviour and the teachers are trying to positively reinforce kindness with that child...does it really make sense to moan that they don't deserve it because of something they did that wasn't kind. How does that make sense? Tell your kid that would be my suggestion, tell her that those other kids are working through personal difficulties and they need those awards to recognise when they make progress. That doesn't need to mean that your child isn't making progress, but that perhaps she's not having those same difficulties and that's a great thing.

Arguing against them is the same as saying well this doesn't benefit my child so it shouldn't be in place. Maybe it is benefiting yours in the same as its benefitting mine and with some extra empathy support she could potentially see that. And she will appreciate all the more when she does win one to recognise a personal achievement. Because honestly, what really would be the point if she got it all the time. They are supposed to be to motivate, if there's a bully that is working on improving their behaviour and the teachers are trying to positively reinforce kindness with that child...does it really make sense to moan that they don't deserve it because of something they did that wasn't kind.

But it doesn't just benefit those kids, it benefits them at the expense of others if the award is implying they were the best as many of them do. And if the child is actually bullying someone, it's not fair for that person to have to see that person receive awards they do not receive simply for not bullying them.

Yanbu. My kids all quickly worked out that some years the naughty kids were mainly getting the stars for 'not being naughty today ' and thought a little less of those teachers as a result

I remember once trying to justify to my son that it was because the naughty children had difficult lives and he quite rightly pointed out to me that he had a whole heap of tough stuff to deal with too (he was refusing to see his dad due to how his dad treated him, has a tonne of health issues).

Well behaved children can be fighting all kinds of battles too. This is a lazy excuse for rewarding the naughty children

It's always confused me too, my kids school pick their pupil of the day by taking a name out of a jar. So that kid might not have had a great day, and many times it's a kid who has been in trouble more than once that day but off they go with a small treat and a certificate for being pupil of the day? Also it's just luck of the draw, so kids who have tried extra hard that day/week are overlooked. Very strange system. I've never understood it.