A moan about reward systems at school - I know IABU really

[Howmuchdoyousleep]

School has a merit system where for every 10 merits you get a certificate bronze, silver, gold, ruby etc that sort of thing.

DD was upset last night as most in the class are way ahead of her. Including DC who are not well behaved and in fact have been quite mean to DD this year. DD is quiet, well behaved, able and works hard and honestly I think gets overlooked. I've said all the right things to her that doing well is for her alone really and that merits are given to people who try to improve their behaviour etc. Having another child with additional needs, I know that DD is lucky to be able to work hard and do well.

But in all honesty I think it rubbish to not acknowledge the ones who work hard day in day out - it is very demotivating for them. DD has had a difficult year with a lot of medical problems this year and could do without this comparison as she really values school and wants to do well. Surely if you have a reward system it should be done to motivate all not just those at the top and bottom.

Well behaved children can be fighting all kinds of battles too. This is a lazy excuse for rewarding the naughty children

Exactly this. I grew up in a naice MC home but both parents were abusive alcoholics and my life was miserable. I worked my arse off to avoid bringing attention to myself and to the situation.

Never got recognised for anything - the merits, stars, rewards all went to the boys who’d managed not to thump someone for 13 minutes, and had “difficult home lives”.

It reminds me of the way that women internalise anger and trauma and hurt themselves whereas men externalise and hurt others. Possibly because boys are raised to think slightly less thumping other people is worthy of celebration, whereas girls can seethe quietly for years and nobody pays a damn bit of notice.

I like the sound of Sam. I was one of the naturally gifted kids at school and realised very early on I wouldn't get house points because none of my work required enough effort so effectively opted myself out of the system 🤣. By 8 years old when I told my mum I only got 18/20 got my spelling test and she offered to help me, I replied "I got 2 wrong on purpose because if you get them all right they give you 25 words next week". I agree these reward systems are demotivating for the majority, but my academic record of maximum achievement gradings and minimum effort gradings became a matter of pride, and has transitioned perfectly to the workplace where I get paid a very good salary for a relatively easy job.

Encourage a culture of self-appraisal, both at home and at school. No rewards, and no taking notice of rewards when they are given out. The children who grow up really self-motivated are the ones who don’t need an adult opinion or praise - they know when they’re learning and improving without it.

The children who are constantly up in the teacher’s face with ‘is this picture good, Sir?’ or ‘can I have reward points for opening the door for you?’ become the adults who only ever do anything good when someone’s watching, or there’s something immediately in it for them.

In theory (I know this doesn't always work) the teachers should be aware of the quiet well behaved children who are working hard despite being disabled, living in temp accommodation, being a young carer etc and award points accordingly.

I am a primary school teachers and don’t have any reward systems or weekly awards for this very reason. It is used to encourage children who need lots of help with behaviour but realistically does nothing to help overcome their difficulties - just teaches them to try to please and ignore what causes it. The other children who deserve it all the time are demoralised and feel unseen, I hate them and finally put my foot down this year and stopped doing them altogether. I would speak to the teacher about it, or send an email to the principal with your concern about the entire system- I am sure many parents feel the same way!

👏👏👏 Thank you.

@Aonbheanach I think you are probably right about ditching the rewards all together. Then my DD would be content with a simple well done or knowing she has done her best etc.
My other DD is at secondary now. She gets lots of merits (partly because she has additional needs) half the time she has no idea why she has been awarded them. So they are fairly meaningless to her too although she gets a lot. A simple well done for X,y or z would have a far greater positive impact on her self esteem/confidence as then she would know what she has been praised for.

The injustice certainly continued into my secondary. The feral kids who managed to keep their nose clean were taken out of lessons to go go-karting once a week. Those of us who were always well-behaved got nothing.

The injustice certainly continued into my secondary. The feral kids who managed to keep their nose clean were taken out of lessons to go go-karting once a week.Those of us who were always well-behaved got nothing.
I've always said that those sort of things need to be clearly thought through.

When done well, it's possible to have some pastoral intervention that also includes mentoring and soft skills development to help prepare students for the real world. Part of that might involve a trip where they have to learn collaboration or how to disagree, and even a rewards trip because for some students they simply don't have the same social and emotional skills as their peers.

When it's not done properly it becomes a fun trip out for the students who are rude to staff, disrupt lessons, and are unpleasant to their peers. It's a horrible slap in the face to all the other pupils who do the right thing most days, and staff who have to endlessly deal with the poor behaviour.
It's totally demotivating when you repeatedly raise concerns about a student's behaviour, not much is done, and then one day the pupil bounds into your room saying "I'm not in on Friday. Mr Bloggs is taking us painballing if we don't get a detention all week".