A moan about reward systems at school - I know IABU really

[Howmuchdoyousleep]

School has a merit system where for every 10 merits you get a certificate bronze, silver, gold, ruby etc that sort of thing.

DD was upset last night as most in the class are way ahead of her. Including DC who are not well behaved and in fact have been quite mean to DD this year. DD is quiet, well behaved, able and works hard and honestly I think gets overlooked. I've said all the right things to her that doing well is for her alone really and that merits are given to people who try to improve their behaviour etc. Having another child with additional needs, I know that DD is lucky to be able to work hard and do well.

But in all honesty I think it rubbish to not acknowledge the ones who work hard day in day out - it is very demotivating for them. DD has had a difficult year with a lot of medical problems this year and could do without this comparison as she really values school and wants to do well. Surely if you have a reward system it should be done to motivate all not just those at the top and bottom.

Yanbu The school system relies on the quiet kids not demanding attention or complaining that they are overlooked.

In order to do well with this kind of reward scheme you have to mix good and bad behaviour so the good is noticed. That completely negates the goals of a reward scheme.

I understand that the classroom is 30 kids and 1 adult but there is an assumption that the ones who quietly get on with things are fine.

Kids with good behaviour do get recognised but they are popular and/or extrovert so their good deeds are more likely to draw attention or be overheard.

YANBU. The quiet, well behaved ones always get missed out in favour of pandering to the naughty kids.

I was quiet and reserved at your DDs age. Not an Angel or pushover, but not one of the louder, more outgoing kids either.

I never got any recignition with certificates or anything much.
YANBU

Made it worse that it was actually not a huge class size back then (started what is now Year 1 in 1970).

Oh Well.

Yanbu. The well-behaved middle ground kids always lose out on these things. But people will tell you they’re lucky to have stable lives, and that the kids with behavioural issues/of chaotic home lives need more motivation. True, but doesn’t mean the well-behaved quiet ones should be ignored either.

Thanks for the solidarity. I'm not knocking the teachers I know they have a tough job. Just sad to have reward system that actively demoralises hard working well behaved children.

Is this primary?

Yes primary.

It didn't sound like you were knocking teachers at all. I remember senior leaders and the heads reminding staff that the use of a rewards system should be fair on the majority of pupils who do the right thing every day. If you feel that this approach isn't being taken you can mention it to school and leaders should listen and remind staff.

When mine were little a teacher called me over and said that 'Sam' had been misbehaving recently, which was not typical and did I know why. I asked if she had asked Sam, who was standing right next to me. She said no, so I asked Sam who said it was because to get the reward (which by this time most others had got) you had to first be naughty for a while and then once the teachers had noticed that they then had to see you doing something good so they would reward you. Sam just hadn't had a chance yet to be good because they were still being naughty. Sam was the next child to get the reward.

I would talk to the teacher and say how demotivated she is by the reward system and is there anything else that they can suggest that she does to gain rewards because she is eager to please the teacher.

It's been going on for decades! I still remember coming bottom of the class star chart back in the 80s in primary. I was a quiet, well-behaved, clever girl who never caused any trouble - I was also had undiagnosed autism, which I'm pretty sure was why teachers overlooked me. It was a pattern throughout my school career. Still, my first class degree and MPhil from Cambridge more than makes up for the lack of a few stars. Not bitter, honest 😁

My experience is this doesn’t continue into secondary. If it worked it would. You get parents who are furious at having to come in and deal with their child’s behaviour as it’s not been tackled in primary.
Its not teachers fault, the system is wrong entirely.

@Unexpecteddrivinginstructor 🤣That is funny. Sam was clearly a very bright child to spot that and act on it🤣

@BridgetRandomfuck it's so unfair isn't it! This is what I told my daughter last night. Not to be mean to the others, but long term her hard work and aptitude will pay off and be a lot more worth it than a few stars on a chart. Hard for an 8 year old to look that far ahead though ☺️

I’d speak to the teacher about how their reward system is demotivating your child. Sometimes it’s good for children to see us challenge unfair systems.

Oh OP this drives me mad. It is so frustrating when the quiet children get overlooked just because they get on with it and don't go round screaming and shouting.

@Unexpecteddrivinginstructor yes, Sam is completely correct! My ds has noticed this from day one, and when we read the newsletter at the end of the week, he always comments on Achiever of the Week as being 'previously shan, but slightly less shan this week.'

Very demotivating.

“My life was ruined because I didn’t receive enough awards for good behaviour at school” Said no adult. Is this really that important?

And would you rather have a well behaved, hard working child who misses out on these rewards or a child who has behavioural issues, is frequently in trouble (which means you are constantly contacted by the school), cannot focus in class but gets merits?

Be careful what you wish for. Both my children fall into the former group btw and rarely receive recognition at school for their efforts. Plenty at home. They are 7 and 9. Primary school will be a distant memory soon enough so I can’t summon the energy to get upset about this.

I feel for you Howmuchdoyousleep it is the quiet and reserved children that get forgotten. We did get good treatment for DD who has Down Syndrome who was so lucky to attend mainstream school, she was quiet and a bit shy. The school went out of their way to include her and got several awards . Perhaps you should encourage your DD to be mischievous (joke😜) Good luck

Hmm I can't fully agree with this. I think the attitudes we develop in school as kids can have profound effects on the trajectory our lives take. Ambivalence, demotivation, a sense of bitterness towards authority figures can have long lasting effects.

It's a bit of a minefield but I do think it matters.

It is possible to do it right. Our school have a system of positive points for good behaviour and negative points for bad behaviour.

mat the end of each half term if you have only received positive points you get an award certificate. It captures all the consistent kids who just get on being decent. It works well.

Then they do a weekly award for most positive points earned by someone on each class as well.

I think if it’s offset by parental input and reassurance at home (and sounds as if OP is doing this) then it’s fine. I’d drive home the message that you may not always get recognition but it shouldn’t stop you doing your best. Well this is what I tell my kids anyway. They receive awards for attendance etc but the Good Behaviour type merits tend to go to the disruptive kids when they occasionally behave well. I don’t want them to walk around with a burning sense of injustice over it all.

No idea if it’s the right approach but I currently work with people whose sense of worth is aligned to the mentions they get from senior managers or if they receive ‘Colleague of the Quarter” and it’s not great. They seem genuinely distressed if they are not acknowledged.

I wouldn’t be shy to politely mention it to the teacher. They’ve got so many kids to think about, they can easily let one or two fly under the radar.

@Eastie77Returns I know what you mean. Personally I think it can be hard to predict what the outcome will be until years later, but it can all have an effect on our psyche during those formative years.

It might actually be understandable if there was lots of evidence to show that giving awards, rewards etc to kids who struggle with behaviour, bullying etc had any impact in their behaviour but i can't seem to find anything that conclusively says it does. So for me the only purpose this serves is to make some children feel excluded and to cement the idea in other children that their self-worth and value is.wrapped.up.in external sources of reward.

The argument "but it's ok cos these kids are traumatised/learning disabled/ADHD/ASD/from shitty families" is rubbish.... Let's stop giving these kids pieces of paper saying star pupil ( because they're not stupid and they know they are being manipulated) and actually tackling the real issues that they face and the reasons that the education system and social services (where relevant) are failing them.

I hate reward systems...in case you couldn't tell. 😁

At my kids school they have a merit and a demerit system. Kids get awards for most merits but the demerits don't cancel out a merit. So one kid gets 30 merits but 45 demerits and another kid gets 29 merits and no demerits and the kid with the 45 demerits still wins the prize. It's utter nonsense. The kids all laugh about it because they know it makes no sense.