Not to give my toddlers a proper dinner after nursery?

[MyKidsThrowFood]

I have two DDs age 18 months and 2 yrs. The go to nursery 4 days a week from 8.30-18.00.

The nursery gives them a morning snack, cooked lunch, afternoon snack and sandwiches with crudités at 4.30/5pm.

I consider the 4.30 meal to be dinner so when they get home I give them a substantial snack and milk before bed (eg. Breadsticks & cheese, or sandwich or toast w peanut butter, plus yogurt, fruit & milk). They generally eat some but not all of this snack. But today another parent in the playground talked about giving 'dinner' at home. (I assume they mean proper cooked meal of some sort!) AIBU not to do the same?

DP and I work long hours and our DDs are tired when they get home so never occurred to be to fit in a cooked meal before bedtime but now I'm worried....

Why is having a hot meal important?

Do you what you like, yanbu. But mine had dinner with us.

My 20 month old’s typical day (this is yesterday’s actual food) involves breakfast at home ( 2 weetabix and a banana). Then he goes to nursery and has porridge. Fruit snack, cooked lunch (very healthy, e.g lentil and aubergine stew, couscous etc) plus yoghurt, more fruit snacks, cooked dinner (tomato and spinach pasta with salmon). He comes home and shouts for toast. Yesterday he had two slices plus an oat bar. He also has a morning and evening breastfeed. Not that it’s hugely relevant but he’s a skinny kid but is very tall for his age.

Personally if the last nursery meal of the day is sandwiches, I’d be offering him some of whatever you’re having at tea time. We didn’t do that with my youngest and I think it would have helped her now fussiness if she’d been offered more of our food and not just snacks.

We all have dinner at 6pm during the week - a proper meal for DH and I and the kiddos (1 and 5) join in with what they want - snack or same as us, depending on their day prior. Key thing is I don’t like eating late myself, and that we all sit round the table together.

I do the same for my 2yo. They have sandwiches around 3.30pm at nursery and I usually offer a snack when home but he rarely eats it all so don't do another proper meal.

We give our toddler a little bit of what we're having, he doesn't eat a lot for dinner on nursery days though. A substantial snack sounds like the right amount, although is it a bit similar to the nursery tea at 4:30? On some days you could reheat a little bit of your dinner from the day before (so it would still be quick) for a bit more variety / something more veg based. We also have some small portions of things like stews/chilli in the freezer ready for a quick meal. I don't think you need to worry too much though!

I never get this … same here. Breakfast, morning snack, hot lunch, pudding, tea.

Has a snack at home but there’s no way he’d eat a hot dinner after nursery tea!

I do the same as you. DD isn’t usually very hungry after a nursery day. We sit down for dinner but she has something light like cheese, oatcake and fruit followed by milk and a biscuit.

We didn't even give much of a snack at this point - wasn't necessary, they had eaten at nursery and there wasn't really time before they wanted to start winding down for bed.

Work schedules don't allow us to have dinner at 6 together though it sounds nice if you can.

Mine now get a hot dinner at after school club three days a week and I don't feed them again after that either

While our nursery supposedly had an amazing lunch menu and nutritious snacks, as I hadn’t seen either the food or DS eat I preferred to give him whatever we were eating at home anyway. As he got older he also then had a bowl of porridge just before bed.

When your 2 year old followed by your younger child goes through growth spurts when they are 3+ you will need to start giving them "dinner".

Mine gets either a hot or cold dinner depending on what we are eating. She isn't bothered which as long as she is fed. When she was under 3 she mostly wouldn't eat it.

This, when DS was tiny I frequently gave him an egg for breakfast so I could give a cold snacky type evening meal, especially at this time of year. If it was December and darl and freezing cold from 4pm I might think they needed a hot meal more.

To add - I think it depends on your kids sleep schedule a lot. DS1 is a lark. He was in bed for 6/6:30 as a toddler and even when he was 4 and still in nursery (autumn born) in bed for 7 without fail. He didn't then need a meal between 4/4:30 (nursery tea) and bed. But he did need breakfast at home before nursery breakfast - usually something quite substantial like eggs or porridge or similar.

DS2 is not as much of a lark and could probably have stayed up for family dinners from earlier.

OTOH I know some people whose toddlers are sleeping more like 8-8 and then you can see they will need dinner

Get a grip.

We do the same OP. We also (shock horror) don’t eat on weekday eve with our 3 and 5 year old as they go to bed before we eat dinner and DH isn’t home til 6 so they’d be dying of starvation (their words) if they had to wait.
Both get a hot meal at lunch so they have easy teas- sandwiches and sides, pesto pasta, leftovers from day before etc. sometimes bigger if they’re starving but they always just want sandwiches🫠

Just give them a little bit what you have. Sometimes what the nursery says they've eaten doesn't mean what you think and they might still be hungry

Also remember hot can be easy- in winter we do lots of soup for tea!

The thing is, when you offer your child something like a banana and they refuse it, it really is pointless making them sit down with cottage pie or lasagne or whatever!

I know that MN favours the family sat down together which is fine if it works for you but for a lot of families it just doesn’t if parents work too late. I think my 2 yo finds it too pressured and just keeps getting down anyway.

No you're fine. Our nursery does the same. He gets a breakfast at home and one there, morning snack, cooked big lunch, light tea and then a snack at home/on the way home. He definitely doesn't need another cooked meal, it's nearly bedtime when we get home anyway! I wonder if those doing another dinner have not actually been at work all day?

Are your children growing well, developing and have energy if the answer is yes to those then they are getting enough. As a parent we can second guess so much especially comparing to other parents,the fact they are not able to finish the snacks provided show they are no longer hungry so I would carry on as you are

Yes my egg breakfasting DS was and is a lark.

I just used to do “supper” in that situation, maybe weetabix or scrambled egg or something. She’d had breakfast, snack, a big cooked lunch, a light tea, and a snack by 5pm. A cooked dinner isn’t necessary on top of that. Anyway toddlers soon let you know if they’re hungry!

Your only mistake here is consulting other people ...

I do the same as you. My dd doesn’t want another full meal after nursery and is happy with a snack. Some days she eats more than others. Just the way it is

If they’re doing okay without it I wouldn’t worry! Mine has the same nursery times.. last ‘meal’ given at 1530 but it’s normally a sandwich and crudités or a wrap with hummous so by the time he gets home he acts like he’s been starved and gets a full dinner with us.

It’s not wrong for another parent to do a ‘proper’ dinner and it’s not wrong for you to do a snack. Just do what suits your child and your family.

If it's like our nursery the cooked lunch meal is meant to be the main meal of the day. They also have substantial snacks in the day and a light tea at 4.30. Not giving them a meal when getting home is part of what you are paying nursery to do. Unless they tell you they haven't eaten much then not giving more than something light will be fine.