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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To give up DS 6 swimming lessons

94 replies

AHelpfulHand · 16/05/2023 10:34

He’s been having swimming lessons since age 4.5 years. We started off on a one to one at a cost of £29.50 per lesson. After 8 months of messing his instructor about (lack of focus, wouldn't listen to the instructor etc) i decided that maybe a group would be better (£14.40 a lesson)

We’re now 18 months from starting the swimming lessons and he's still in arm bands and hasn't got his 5 meter badge.

He complains every week about going, he doesn't like it etc.

I finally learnt to swim last year at age 34. I can only do breast stroke though and i don’t like my head under water or anything, this is why I’m persevering with him.

Dh thinks i should give up the swimming lessons and try him again in a few years when he actually wants to do it.

Learning to swim is a life saving skill so i don't want to do him a disservice by stopping them.

This is a private firm, not run by the council (i don't know if thats of any relevance)

What would you do?

YABU Give them up

YANBU Carry them on

OP posts:

Slinkyminky22 · 16/05/2023 10:35

I would leave it 6 months/ a year and try again. It's a waste of money and time otherwise. I agree it's a life skill so would persevere in time.

Guavafish1 · 16/05/2023 10:37

He is still very young. I think your husband is right, I would give him a break.

Schools usually take primary school children (8-11) for swimming lessons, this is when I learnt to swim.

Poopoolittlekitten · 16/05/2023 10:38

I'd find another class or instructor. He shouldn't be wearing bands at all to learn to swim. But yes- life skill and earlier the better

Soontobe60 · 16/05/2023 10:38

Have you taken him swimming as a family?

mumonherphone · 16/05/2023 10:39

I agree it's a life skill but that does seem very slow progress. My 6 year old is still in the baby pool after a year and a half of lessons but in that time he has lost his armbands.

Maybe stop but plan lots of swimming related things over the summer? Beach days, pools with waterslides etc..

Nordicrain · 16/05/2023 10:40

Find another teacher. There is zero point carrying on with someone crap. Ask for recommendations and find someone good, even if they are slightly mroe expensive. Learning to swim is an important life skill.

twistyizzy · 16/05/2023 10:41

Swimming is an important life skill so don't give up, find another instructor. Can you also take him yourselves between lessons to make it fun?

booksandbrooks · 16/05/2023 10:42

My kids have been to two different swim schools. Neither has put them in arm bands. I don't know much about learning to swim but I don't know anyone who learnt whilst wearing arm bands, and I did swimming at school and have sat in a lot of swimming lessons over the years.

Maybe take a break and then move different lessons if that's an option?

I heard recently in England all kids get swimming lessons in the juniours through school. I'm not sure if that's true.

WhyDoesItAlways · 16/05/2023 10:42

I'm very pro swimming from the life skill aspect but I would drop it for now. Take him to the pool regularly over the summer and make it fun. Ditch the armbands, play in the shallow end, use a pool noodle if he wants to go out of his depth and stay close by. See if you can get him used to putting his head under water maybe with some goggles on but keep it light, no pressure. Then revisit lessons in the autumn.

Beamur · 16/05/2023 10:42

Take a break. Maybe try a different pool in 6/12 months.
In the meantime make playing in water fun and get him comfortable with being splashed/having water on his face etc.

Bonbon21 · 16/05/2023 10:45

He is telling you he doesnt like it.
Do you insist he eats food he doesnt like?
He will hate swimming forever if you keep this up.
Yes its life saving... but if you never ever go near water... because your Mum made you hate it... you are never likely to drown!
Give the wee soul a break and let him do something he actually wants!!
He is a child... lots of things to try in the world !

Original poster

AHelpfulHand · 16/05/2023 10:48

He has no issue with fear of the water, he will jump in, put his head under the water no problem etc.

I have taken him myself but he wont swim, he wants to constantly jump in, play around with his older sister etc, but not actually do any swimming.

He’s not a fan of the arm bands, but he just chokes on the water without them as he sinks. This then makes him nearly throw up, so i make him wear them when i take him.

He’s had 3 instructors and progress has been the same with them all.

OP posts:

Nordicrain · 16/05/2023 10:49

I agree with PP, a good teacher will not put them in armbands to learn.

Heatherbell1978 · 16/05/2023 10:50

I would persevere, learning to swim is so important. I hated swimming as a child as I have a real aversion to cold water but my mum insisted and I'm actually a really good swimmer despite never going.
DS8 hates it for the same reasons I did but I refuse to stop the lessons despite DH taking sons side. His progress is slow but he can swim, just not a full length. DD6 loves it and has been out of armbands for about a year now, started at 4.5 so she's progressing quicker.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/05/2023 10:52

I have taken him myself but he wont swim, he wants to constantly jump in, play around with his older sister etc, but not actually do any swimming

This is fine!! It's building confidence and getting him used to being in the water and he will naturally learn to Bob and tread water and you can play starfish and float on your back and mushrooms and curl into balls etc.

Please don't stop family swimming, or push him to do actual strokes while there.

I'd stick with the lessons but maybe change provider - they shouldn't be in arm bands when non swimmers they should be in shallow enough water that they can touch the bottom.

Original poster

AHelpfulHand · 16/05/2023 10:54

The children cant touch the water in the pool, even the one i take him to, you need to be about 4ft 5 for the water to reach your chin.

OP posts:

rainylake · 16/05/2023 10:54

Try a floatation jacket or a shark fin instead of the armbands. Much better as they don’t hamper arm movement and keep him in the correct position. Also safer.

If he will jump in and play and get his face wet, that’s the most important thing. Probably it is a maturity thing about lessons rather than a dislike or fear of water. I’d have a break from the lessons for 6 months and take him swimming for fun as much as possible during that time. Encourage him to submerge his face, pick things up from the bottom of the pool, jump in etc. At this age water confidence is important and he is developing that.

Original poster

AHelpfulHand · 16/05/2023 10:54

That should say cant touch the bottom, not cant touch the water!

OP posts:

BHRK · 16/05/2023 10:57

He shouldn’t be in arm Bands, you need a new teacher.
my son messed around from 4.5 -7 but then just got it and made amazing progress. We would never have stopped lessons and I’m glad we didn’t. Even messing about gives them confidence in the water.
swimming is NOT the same as letting them choose what to eat. It’s an essential skill to save their lives

Thislittlepiggy89 · 16/05/2023 11:01

There are no arm bands allowed in my daughter class. There is a ramp at the start of the pool for the children to stand on which removes the issue of not touching the floor. It's my understanding armbands are not allowed as it doesn't help the child to learn to hold themselves in the water. Each child gets a one to one with the teacher with a swimming aid that it suited to their level.

I would give it a break for now and then look for somewhere that doesn't use armbands.

Nordicrain · 16/05/2023 11:02

AHelpfulHand · 16/05/2023 10:54

The children cant touch the water in the pool, even the one i take him to, you need to be about 4ft 5 for the water to reach your chin.

So find an instructor with access to a learning pool.

waterrat · 16/05/2023 11:05

Stop the lessons.

Take him regularly for fun.

he can learn at school - this is how my kids learnt - they were similarly total failures in lessons!

DuchessOfSausage · 16/05/2023 11:06

He needs an incentive, one that makes sense to swim.
Not a negative one (e.g. you can't go in any water unless you learn) but one where there's a reward for learning. (e.g. trip to Coral Reef Waterworld)

The instructors sound useless. You need to find a teacher who can build a rapport with your child.

DuchessOfSausage · 16/05/2023 11:06

makes sense to him. not 'makes sense to swim.'

CurlewKate · 16/05/2023 11:07

Do you have an unfenced swimming pool? Do you live on a boat? If not-it's not a life skill he needs yet, whatever the businesses selling swimming lessons tell you.Save the money and the stress. Take him to the pool to play. Try again when he'a older.

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