To give up DS 6 swimming lessons

[AHelpfulHand]

He’s been having swimming lessons since age 4.5 years. We started off on a one to one at a cost of £29.50 per lesson. After 8 months of messing his instructor about (lack of focus, wouldn't listen to the instructor etc) i decided that maybe a group would be better (£14.40 a lesson)

We’re now 18 months from starting the swimming lessons and he's still in arm bands and hasn't got his 5 meter badge.

He complains every week about going, he doesn't like it etc.

I finally learnt to swim last year at age 34. I can only do breast stroke though and i don’t like my head under water or anything, this is why I’m persevering with him.

Dh thinks i should give up the swimming lessons and try him again in a few years when he actually wants to do it.

Learning to swim is a life saving skill so i don't want to do him a disservice by stopping them.

This is a private firm, not run by the council (i don't know if thats of any relevance)

What would you do?

YABU Give them up

YANBU Carry them on

They are some seriously expensive lessons. I would find some cheap council pool lessons and ease the pressure. I pay less than a fiver for lessons . I imagine if
i was paying the amount you are, I’d want to see results fast. But at the end of the day he’s not going to learn with arm bands on.
echoing what others said, take him
swimming, let him jump in, foster a love for being in the pool

Any instructor using armbands is shit. Stop wasting your money. Mine would wear them on holiday as toddlers so I’m not against them at all but it’s a totally unnatural swimming position so they won’t learn a thing with them on. You need to find a swim school that doesn’t use arm bands and has a training pool so the kids can touch the bottom.

Very strange to have arm bands on at 6!!!

Our local pool have independent swimming lessons with 6 in a class from 3 years old and not one of the children wear arm bands.

It is also £28 per month.

Find another leisure center and change instructor.

Swim England say that children should move up at least 1 stage a year, but ideally 2.

He should be in a childrens pool which is shallow,no arm bands!

And when you take him, he doesn't need to be 'swimming' let him play! Show the fun side of swimming, get him to practise going under/getting things off the bottom of the pool

As others have said, ditch the armbands. When they first start group type lessons (at my local council pool anyway) it’s about building up their confidence, putting face in the water etc and progress does seem really really slow at times. This was the case for my DC and it felt like they would never progress through the groups, but one in particular is now a strong swimmer at age 11. Also, let him muck about when you take him swimming, his confidence will grow.

Agree the lessons sound crap. How can he learn when he can’t stand up in the water? The choking without armbands sounds enough to have put him off for life.

We have council lessons which are cheap and have found an instructor who is really good. We always ask for her when dd moves up a stage as dd trusts her and we know she’ll make progress in her class. They don’t swim in deep water until stage 3 so they don’t need armbands and can learn the strokes properly. Sounds like you need to change pools and instructors.

You need to find somewhere that doesn’t use armbands my youngest has just started and they are in a training pool where they can all stand up and the water is nowhere near their heads. Arm bands don’t help children learn to swim they just make them float. A float board or pool noodle would be much more constructive.

There are some parenting givens which don't stand up to examination. The necessity for early swimming lessons for most children is one of them.

So.
He has no fear of water
Will jump in whenever
But can't swim

Well no sorry he NEEDS to learn
So many kids drown because of accidents. My kids hated swimming but they were going regardless. Learning to swim was not an option it was mandatory imo.

Find him a teacher that is strict as your son sounds like he knows how he can get his way when he wants. He needs a firmer hand.

It doesnt matter if he likes it or not. He needs to learn. And you cant make something he hates more fun BUT you can reward him. Bribe him with food or toys or whatever floats his boat (bad pun not intended) " if you listen to your teacher and do your best and manage to do so and so; I will buy you a kinder suprise after the lesson"

Etc etc
He will still hate it. But have incentive to do it and to do it properly

I think you’ve got really lucky that he is not scared of the water after trying to learn out of his depth and sinking and choking multiple times!

I second others re trying another pool that has proper facilities if there is one you can reach?

You said you just learnt to swim - would you have started off in the deep end?

At my kids’ school they did swimming lessons for half a term before their year 6 residential to get them up to scratch but I don’t think that would really be enough if the kids couldn’t swim at all. The activity centre they go to asks if they can swim 25m so that they can do coasteering/sea kayaking/inflatable assault course on a lake even though they wear lifejackets. So at some point it might become restricting/embarrassing for him if he can’t swim. But not too soon so you can take some time to find the right pool and teacher and allowing him to mature and concentrate better.

He should be learning with a noodle, not arm bands.

It’s a very long time to see no progress at all. Does he have difficulty focussing and following instructions generally? It sounds like the issue is with your son not engaging rather than bad instructors.

That’s really expensive. I’d try a different pool altogether after a bit of a break to reset. I disagree about it being better learning in a pool they can stand up in; if they can stand up the temptation is there to just do so and not try to swim or keep themselves afloat (especially if they’re inclined to mess on / not listen to the teacher).

I disagree with Find him a teacher that is strict as your son sounds like he knows how he can get his way when he wants. He needs a firmer hand.

A strict teacher will not make him want to learn.

We've had exactly the same issue with our 6 year old until very recently. He's now swimming once at school, once at an after school club and once with lessons at the council pool (previously was just the council pool). Needless to say - massive difference. I don't think a 30/45 minute lesson once a week does the trick. I'd suggest watching what the teacher does and trying to replicate in the pool at weekends. But don't stop.

They’re definitely a life skill but they will do them in school.
we’ve done a mix of private and leisure centre and I’d expect a lot more progress for that time scale.

I don't have a pool or a boat but I live near the sea which is why my child is in swimming lessons.

He didn't have inflatable armbands but he started off with floaty foam disc things round his arms that the teacher reduced and then took away completely. It's interesting reading that so many people disagree with armbands.

Agree with others, try to find lessons at a council-run pool. We pay around £25 per month.

Those lessons sound awful and expensive. My son has been going to group swimming lessons since he was three, he's never worn armbands, they use noodles, and I've never seen anyone mess about and not take notice of the teachers. The pool for early lessons is only about 1 metre deep. I wouldn't rely on school providing any kind of useful lessons, the theory is that all children should be able to swim 25 metres at the end of KS2. There were no lessons during Covid, our school has only just restarted lessons and is giving yr 6 children four lessons. Hardly worth getting wet for. Other schools do offer more intensive courses and some offer none at all. I pay £32 approx per month and my son is a pretty competent swimmer now. He still goes, age 11 because he enjoys it and is developing greater skills and stamina. I'd definitely look for a better provider.

Both of my children can't swim but I take them to the local pool to teach themselves (both had medical issues resulting in them not swimming until older- both abit embarrassed about starting lessons at their ages) but if he's not interested he won't learn.

Can you take them to a pool that gets deeper the further in you go- then he can just mess around in the shallow end and maybe even teach himself to swim. In my eyes its no different to learning to ride a bike- you just learn.

Another plus side to the council lessons is they tend to include free swimming in general swim for the child as well within the monthly fee.

I would change teacher/ setting and go back to 1-1 lessons. I would also try to do some fun swimming but take the pressure off completely at those times, so if he wants to muck about that’s fine (although of course you can point out when he does do good swimming and also mention activities he could do, like wave pools and obstacle courses when he can swim). I do also say to my kids that if they want to go “fun” swimming they have to behave well in their lessons- like paying attention and not mucking about.

Oh I should also say that this may vary where you live, but with school my kids did half a term swimming in year 5 and those who were struggling did a few more in year 6. But it was nowhere near enough to learn to swim competently.

I'm a swimming teacher why is he in arm bands? It alters buoyancy and prevents them learning have to get streamline in the water not to meantion restricting movement with his arms. I'd look at another provider before leaving. What stage is he?

I'm old so my kids are all in their 30s but I don't understand today's obsession with swimming lessons (and all the other extra curricular things people pay for then complain they don't have enough money for food/bills).
I taught my kids myself by just going for the fun of it, as my dad did before me. I remember using arm bands myself and him slowly putting less air in them although nowadays there are obviously better buoyancy aids. If he enjoys going with you more than the lessons just take him yourself and make it fun, they seem to learn just by accident that way rather than yet another lesson like school.

You can drown and know how to swim

If he doesn't want to do it he won't learn anyway, so yes I would wait