A 23 year old wants to be a stay at home wife?

[Ludlow2]

Friend's son had a girlfriend and both are 23.
She was keen to marry. Friend's son not so and his parents agreed.
Told him sort your career out,save up, find somewhere you will live. He agreed.
They split.
Both his parents work. My friend, his mother has always worked full-time and has a side business too. She is a great role model an although she is the breadwinner the father also works considerably hard.
Their children have and will benefit from this. They have also instilled good work ethic in their children too.
The friend's son and his ex girlfriend remained friends. She is keen to be with again and said she is happy.to wait and will continue with her studies maybe get a masters etc. She has then said that after marriage she does not want to work.

She thinks work is a want and not a need?

Obviously son Friend's son has run for the hills.
He did tell her it is impossible to survive on one income bla bla. But she just responded with we can move to a cheaper area and I'm not materlistic?

Im.just surprised at this attitude.

The girl's father left the family (Mother and siblings) whilst they were young.
Mother found another partner who comes and goes. Maybe it this why she is craving to be looked after by a man.
However, it sounds all so sad.

But that's ok.

It's ok that it's not your dream. It is a lot of others preference though.

What's not ok is women claiming in the name of feminism and sisterhood, ironically shitting on other women if they have a different preference.

@Oliotya

lol no way would I financially support a partner just for that.
men are not that simple you know, a warm meal isn’t the be all and end all.
Plus that can still happen if both are working, lots take it in turns to cook

Why would a man want his 23 year wife at home?

With no children.

I was responding to someone who said there are more women available to date than men not arguing that a 23 year old women shouldn't work.

there just two of them - how is the house getting that dirty?

I’ve never claimed that it will be easy or the same as having a baby.

What I’m saying is that not working just isn’t an option for me, not unless it was due to circumstances out of my control such as illness, disability etc.

Many parents out there both work full time with children, some on this thread.

Choice is the biggest privilege we have.

I beg to differ. A proper redressing of a structural, age-old set of sex-based inequalities would be the biggest privilege we could ever have. It's women's strides toward that ideal - still unrealized and unfortunately having taken a large backward step in the last decade or so - that have made incremental, two steps forward, three steps back moves toward changing this across the past century.

'Choice' was never the endgame. Even where the key goals of discrete political or academic feminisms have conflicted in the past - and 'feminism' is some of the most bitterly contested political ground there is - their fundamental common aim is that of redressing systemic sex inequality.

Division of paid vs. domestic labour is only one part of that struggle. It's only if the (currently vastly unequal) playing field is levelled that actual real choice comes into play. Women do not make life decisions in a vacuum.

If choice as to lifestyle happens as a consequence of that struggle, all to the good. But as of this historical moment, I'm not convinced that the 'choice' touted by some women as all things positive and wonderful, is necessarily as catch-all or as liberating as some persist in saying it is.

I think she sounds spectacularly lazy and clearly doesn't want to make any contribution to society in any way whatsoever at this point in her life. I think it's a weird attitude at any age. I could understand it if she actually had a partner who had a job that was maybe helped by having a spouse who could travel or something, such as expat workers and so on. Or somebody who was a high level diplomat. But this is just somebody who wants this lifestyle regardless of what their spouse does. It's like a principle. She's lazy.

It’s not “shitting on other women” to think it’s a bit sad that a 23 year old female wants a man to financially support her instead of getting a job. How would you feel about a man who wanted a woman meal ticket?

I'm a SAHM. Little twins. And an elder with ADHD. And apparently, those who think they're so self important to cast approval, are happy with this. (Why thank you m'lady )

However when the littles start school, I will remain a SAHW. Because I want too.

But oh no, that's not ok. I have seen SAHW called pathetic, unambitious, destroying feminism, feeble, incapable, paid by my husband...

I would never dream of telling someone who works, how they are pathetic for doing so. I can see why they do. It's just not for us.

But the non SAHW seem to think they are entitled and actually to correct to spill this drivel the other way round. This abuse directed at women who don't want to do things "your way" is frankly, appalling. We each have our own way. And that choice is what's right, for each of us.

In my experience within my friendship groups I have not seen that women find it more difficult to find a partner my personal experience is the opposite - and I wasn't aware of there being widely more women available than men for dating but I may be unaware of something.

The relationships board on this site I assume will have a lot of women that are having relationship problems because this is a site that mainly women use and that's a forum for relationship issues so I doubt that's representative of the population.

Often because he’s controlling and doesn’t want someone he has to respect or listen to. He can simply control them by being the breadwinner

Lol.

I did forget "after a meal ticket" from my list I just posted. That's a common one as well.

Thank you for demonstrating my point so succinctly.

You have children though.

Have you ever met this woman @Ludlow2 ?

You are very opinionated about her, yet each time I've asked whether she has a job now, you don't answer.

This ^

The average age of marriage has increased by about a decade over recent times. That's driven by men in the main who don't want to settle down because they can get casual sex easily. I can assure you plenty of women are desperate to get married and have kids but can't find a suitable partner. I thought this was common knowledge.

Women are the gatekeepers of sex.

Men are the gatekeepers of marriage.

I don’t believe it’s ok because it’s clearly a sexist choice.

If someone lived isolated and those choices didn’t have any influence on society then I’d agree but that isn’t the case.

@Comedycook it doesn’t matter if she has children, you’ve spectacularly missed the point. It is her choice to stay at home, whether she has children or not, and no one has any goddamned right to spew vile about another persons choice over that.

So it would be OK if a man stayed home and was financially supported by a women?

I personally think all adults should financially contribute if able too

Perhaps "gravitate" is the wrong word.

It seems highly unusual to me that there are schools now where all of the parents are SAHPs, but you say you're not in England so perhaps it is more common where you live. All of my dd's schools have been a very mixed bag with regard to mums working full time, part time or staying at home, though the proportion of SAHPs has inevitably decreased as dd has got older. I presume the high prevalence of mothers staying at home must be a particular feature of where you live, but it certainly isn't typical in my experience.

Likewise with your former colleagues - it is really surprising to me that they all gave up their careers. Perhaps it indicates that your particular industry was unusually incompatible with family life?

I really don't know the reasons, but you yourself have said that you hardly know any full time WOHMs, so your insights into their experience are inevitably limited. The most common arrangement in the UK now is for both parents to work full time, so you're either living in a society that is very different or your social circle is limited for some reason to people with lives that are very similar to your own.

My experience is very different, and I know lots of women who manage to balance family life and career very happily.

@WandaWonder if that was a decision made by the couple then yes it’s absolutely ok.

@InceyWinceySpidy

you will still be a stay at home mum even though your kids at school
in OP’s scenario the woman is wanting to be a stay at home WIFE - which is very different. There won’t be the same amount of housework generated by a couple as there is a couple with kids for a start.

And how many split up and then there is panic over pensions and lack of money and not being able to get a job, sure if it works fine

GF aged 23 is looking for a Daddy to take care of his little girl.

BF aged 23 can never replace her missing Daddy so should start running now.