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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don’t want to share anymore baby news with brother/SIL - AIBU?

110 replies

RozaBaby · 15/05/2023 18:43

Hi all!

I announced to my family that I’m 14w, I told my dad and step mum in person as they live in the same city as I do, they had an absolutely heartwarming reaction, it was lovely!

I then text my brother as he lives 4 hours away, I told him by sending the scan photos and something along the lines of “a happy and welcome surprise!” He immediately called me and asked what it was, whose it was, and how many weeks. After this, he tells SIL he’s on the phone with me and I hear an annoyed “why?” In the background, he says “because of this” and (I assume) shows her the photos, her voice gets more irritated as she says “whose is that?!” And he responds with my name, she asks again in a more annoyed voice, “how many weeks?” He tells her 14w and she, once again, even more annoyed says, “no it isn’t! What’s the f- due date then?!” He asks me, I respond, and he repeats it, she goes silent and he follows up with “I’ll call you back” and hangs up.

My partner, dad, and step mum thought this was a disgusting and ridiculous response! I was baffled with the reaction!

Later that night, I receive a text from my brother saying something like “are you planning on keeping it or what?” My partner was instantly annoyed with this as he felt it was pure disrespect due to my past miscarriage which my family knows about. I responded yes, and we haven’t had contact since.

I really do not want to interact with either my brother or SIL after this, I’m not sure if I want to cut contact completely but after this I do not wish to give anymore updates on the baby or my pregnancy journey. Is this an unreasonable way to feel?

More context as I feel some might wonder: me and brother had a decent relationship with no animosity, he and my SIL have 6 children together.

OP posts:
Ktime · 15/05/2023 18:44

YANBU at all. Keep a polite distance.

I bet they will pronounce the birth on Facebook before you.

MissAmbrosia · 15/05/2023 18:45

They sound nice!

MaggieFS · 15/05/2023 18:45

Bizarre. I wouldn't cut contact over one phone call, but I wouldn't be proactive with any more news.

Foodie6 · 15/05/2023 18:45

Maybe she's pregnant with 7th and feel like you've somehow stolen her glory.

Either way they're batshit and should be ashamed of themselves for reacting like that. How bizarre. I wouldn't be sharing anything else with them either.

Changingplace · 15/05/2023 18:47

What a strange and rude reaction, is there a reason he’d question who the father is, have you not been with your partner long or is he not on the scene/some kind of history?

Daisybuttercup12345 · 15/05/2023 18:47

Don't tell them anything else. They sound nasty.

Billyoh · 15/05/2023 18:47

Dear god, they sound deranged!

is there a backstory with your partner? Is he going to be a good father?

MrsDoylesDoily · 15/05/2023 18:49

There's got to be something going on OP, because obviously that's not a normal reaction 🤔

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 15/05/2023 18:49

How strange. I was about to suggest they are trying and struggling to concieve until i read they have 6 children. Them both asking whose it is is odd (do they mean the father?) Do they have an issue with your partner?

Mummapenguin20 · 15/05/2023 18:51

Maybe there pregnant too

Lindjam · 15/05/2023 18:52

Agree with PP there has to be a missing piece of the story here surely?

Or they are really very strange and unpleasant.

Original poster
RozaBaby · 15/05/2023 18:52

I have no idea! Would’ve been a welcomed surprise if she was pregnant as cousins on both sides are 5+ so would’ve been nice to have a cousin of a similar age, esp since this is my first.

OP posts:
Original poster
RozaBaby · 15/05/2023 18:55

Changingplace · 15/05/2023 18:47

What a strange and rude reaction, is there a reason he’d question who the father is, have you not been with your partner long or is he not on the scene/some kind of history?

Apologise for not being clear, he wasn’t questioning the father, he was questioning whose scan photo it was - quite silly as my name was on it!

OP posts:
SpringTime2020 · 15/05/2023 18:55

Has she just had a miscarriage and it touched a nerve? It's the only thing I can think of.

TomatoSandwiches · 15/05/2023 18:58

Your brother sounded fine initially but SIL sounds like hard work.
Unfortunately I would agree to not share much of anything if she going to be like this, that includes your brother because he sounds under the thumb.

I wouldn't care why they are being weird tbh, they couldn't be arsed to be happy for you in the moment so sod them.

Original poster
RozaBaby · 15/05/2023 19:00

Billyoh · 15/05/2023 18:47

Dear god, they sound deranged!

is there a backstory with your partner? Is he going to be a good father?

I’m not sure, they’ve never said anything negative about him in the 3 years we’ve been together.

He’s quite shy around my family, although he tries to engage where he can. He also interacts with their children, albeit a bit awkwardly.

I think he will be a lovely father, he’s very excited for the baby. This will be a first for us both so we aren’t massively experienced but he always reassures me that we’ll be fine and pick it up quickly once it’s here.

OP posts:
strawberryjeans · 15/05/2023 19:01

Rude and nasty of them both, they’re trying to put you down and make you feel small. I don’t blame you one bit I would keep well away, you don’t need or deserve that. Keep any interactions short. Has your brother always been this way?

IWantRebeccasConfidence · 15/05/2023 19:02

There’s obviously something going on with them like infertility or baby loss but they shouldn’t be dicks to you if they’ve not told you and you told them in the nicest way by messaging allowing them to have their own time to process.

Hankunamatata · 15/05/2023 19:02

Well certainly a bit weird. I'd wait until you can speak to brother to find out what on earth was going on.

Zeonlywayisup · 15/05/2023 19:03

Perhaps she’s just lost a baby

Vallmo47 · 15/05/2023 19:06

Vile - there are no acceptable excuses. Even if they’d recently had a loss themselves they should be able to use their pea sized brains to realise that is not your fault. Disgusting behaviour.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 15/05/2023 19:10

Your brother sounded perfectly normal, and a bit excited, but your SIL sounded like an arsehole, frankly. Does she always talk like that? I know a couple of women who are perpetually pissed off and shitting on anything nice of anyone else's. They never even acknowledge anything good in their own lives.

His text later is weird - do people often send him scan pictures as a 'happy and welcome surprise' if they're not continuing the pregnancy?! Do you think it was him, or her texting on his phone?

Are their DC the only grandchildren? Might she be anticipating the baby detracting from her own DC? I'm struggling to think of anything else to explain it tbh.

Notjustamum28 · 15/05/2023 19:10

Do they have DC? could she be early pregnant and not ready to announce?
that could be why shes reacted harshly as like someone said already she might think you
you have (inadvertently!) stolen her thunder!

mumonherphone · 15/05/2023 19:11

It sounds like it was an unplanned pregnancy and unexpected news for them, and quite a chaotic conversation over the phone. Maybe they will apologise and say they are happy for you. A text to ask if you are keeping it or what is very cold though, your brother should have at least called you back and asked how you are feeling if he wasn't sure.

Camillasfagwrinkles · 15/05/2023 19:12

Even if they have had a loss, that's no reason to be a twat. She sounds very unpleasant.