Don’t want to share anymore baby news with brother/SIL - AIBU?

[RozaBaby]

Hi all!

I announced to my family that I’m 14w, I told my dad and step mum in person as they live in the same city as I do, they had an absolutely heartwarming reaction, it was lovely!

I then text my brother as he lives 4 hours away, I told him by sending the scan photos and something along the lines of “a happy and welcome surprise!” He immediately called me and asked what it was, whose it was, and how many weeks. After this, he tells SIL he’s on the phone with me and I hear an annoyed “why?” In the background, he says “because of this” and (I assume) shows her the photos, her voice gets more irritated as she says “whose is that?!” And he responds with my name, she asks again in a more annoyed voice, “how many weeks?” He tells her 14w and she, once again, even more annoyed says, “no it isn’t! What’s the f- due date then?!” He asks me, I respond, and he repeats it, she goes silent and he follows up with “I’ll call you back” and hangs up.

My partner, dad, and step mum thought this was a disgusting and ridiculous response! I was baffled with the reaction!

Later that night, I receive a text from my brother saying something like “are you planning on keeping it or what?” My partner was instantly annoyed with this as he felt it was pure disrespect due to my past miscarriage which my family knows about. I responded yes, and we haven’t had contact since.

I really do not want to interact with either my brother or SIL after this, I’m not sure if I want to cut contact completely but after this I do not wish to give anymore updates on the baby or my pregnancy journey. Is this an unreasonable way to feel?

More context as I feel some might wonder: me and brother had a decent relationship with no animosity, he and my SIL have 6 children together.

Speak to your brother and ask why so rude. Your sil sound horrible

That's... weird. Why would they be so disbelieving that it was your scan? I could understand if you were single.

That was a nasty reaction

i think you are quite right to keep your distance

congratulations!

Yes, my partner something similar. Said he felt my brother wanted to be happy until seeing SIL reaction and went the opposite way…

She has used his phone to text me multiple times so it could’ve been either of them to be honest.

Yes, they have the only grandchildren so far. Me and my partner feel this is the most likely reason, especially since we live in the same city and the commute to see each other will be much easier so probably much more frequent as well.

Hurtful and confusing response

You would be justified in asking for an explanation

I wonder if she's lost a baby recently but it's still no excuse. I lost a baby just as SIL got pregnant but I still managed to congratulate her and be excited for her.
Why is they asking who's baby it is? I assume you don't usually just send scan pictures of random babies to him.
Unless they apologise and appear happy next time you speak I would keep your distance. Congratulations.

Could it be this? Is it possible they thought he didn't like children given his awkwardness with theirx?

There’s clearly something going on that they’re not telling you. The asking if you’re keeping it would make me think that they’re not sure about your partner for whatever reason. Very odd though.

I thought this was very weird as well, my name is on it! Whose else would it be?

I initially thought it could be due to gynaecological/fertility issues and a prior miscarriage but my partner thought it was just them being wilfully ignorant. Step mum thought this was the case as well as she pointed out my brother asked “what is it” to the scan photos… you’d assume he’d be aware of what it is after having 6 children.

Unless you’re going drip feed and tell us that you are only 16 years old and your partner is 40, then this reaction is weird as fuck!

There's something underlying this. Is it possible that your SIL and BIL could have been trying for number 7/accidental pregnancy and miscarried and your baby is due when theirs would have been? Or maybe they're concerned their kids won't be the only ones anymore? Either way reaction is shit and I'd keep my distance until they've offered an explanation/apology.

How utterly bizarre. After six kids you'd think that they'd know that the correct response is congratulations.

So congratulations and ignore those weirdos.

Meh, wouldn’t bother me.

People here are bit crazy about this stuff, but I don’t think everyone owes an song and dance about having kids 🤷🏽‍♀️

Six kids is complite lunacy though!😵‍💫

I’m really unsure but it felt a bit more personal, it didn’t feel like it came from a place of consideration to me or baby if that makes sense?

My dad and step mum thought it sounded like she was angry and jealous over the pregnancy itself, their reaction once the call ended was, “she needs to get over her jealousy, she already has 6 children”.

WTF “Are you planning on keeping it” he really texted you that?

i would keep my distance and YANBU to not share any more news, snags so horrible.

Have they been trying for a baby as well? Not that if justifies such behavior though.

There’s something else going on for them to react that way. I’d be messaging him asking what the reaction was about and asking what’s going on.

I would ask why he text that!

He really did, it was quite uncomfortable and shocking to read.

Last time we spoke about future children, they both said they’re done having kids and want to focus on the ones they have and going on holidays. That was back in Feb of this year but I’m not sure if they changed their minds.

My gut feel was reading that they have had a loss, no excuse for the behaviour but I was a bit surprised they have 6 kids already which makes me think otherwise. She sounds crazy….

If she's lost a baby then it won't be easy to just get over.

I'm thinking either she's lost a baby who would be due around the same date. Or she is pregnant too.

I have 2 sisters and my eldest sister wasnt happy for me at all when I was pregnant. She has a DC and doesn't have any fertility issues that im aware of, she was very happy for our other sister when she was pregnant too.

You aren't unreasonable at all for not speaking to them about ot anymore. Or you could have a frank conversation and ask if they have a problem? I did this with my sister and she just gave weak hollow reasons for why she didn't think it was a good idea.

I still informed the family as a whole about baby stuff on our group WhatsApp but made a sure group without her in to share more details too.

Please try not to take it to heart, they are bring absolutely ridiculous and hopefully will step up a bit when the baby is born and playing with their cousins

Or hers are all boys and she wants a girl or other way round. Anyway. Very rude of them.

Yeah. But she’s still an a hole.

I had a similar reaction from my sil with my first baby. By the time I was pregnant with our second she had cut off all contact. She didn’t want the grandparents to give any attention to any other children but hers, ridiculous really and basically jealousy.

Maybe she is less on board with that choice than he is?