Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don’t want to share anymore baby news with brother/SIL - AIBU?

110 replies

RozaBaby · 15/05/2023 18:43

Hi all!

I announced to my family that I’m 14w, I told my dad and step mum in person as they live in the same city as I do, they had an absolutely heartwarming reaction, it was lovely!

I then text my brother as he lives 4 hours away, I told him by sending the scan photos and something along the lines of “a happy and welcome surprise!” He immediately called me and asked what it was, whose it was, and how many weeks. After this, he tells SIL he’s on the phone with me and I hear an annoyed “why?” In the background, he says “because of this” and (I assume) shows her the photos, her voice gets more irritated as she says “whose is that?!” And he responds with my name, she asks again in a more annoyed voice, “how many weeks?” He tells her 14w and she, once again, even more annoyed says, “no it isn’t! What’s the f- due date then?!” He asks me, I respond, and he repeats it, she goes silent and he follows up with “I’ll call you back” and hangs up.

My partner, dad, and step mum thought this was a disgusting and ridiculous response! I was baffled with the reaction!

Later that night, I receive a text from my brother saying something like “are you planning on keeping it or what?” My partner was instantly annoyed with this as he felt it was pure disrespect due to my past miscarriage which my family knows about. I responded yes, and we haven’t had contact since.

I really do not want to interact with either my brother or SIL after this, I’m not sure if I want to cut contact completely but after this I do not wish to give anymore updates on the baby or my pregnancy journey. Is this an unreasonable way to feel?

More context as I feel some might wonder: me and brother had a decent relationship with no animosity, he and my SIL have 6 children together.

OP posts:
YoucancallmeKAREN · 15/05/2023 19:55

Bet you she is pregnant and due just before or just after you, she thinks you will steal her thunder.

legalseagull · 15/05/2023 19:57

Can't you text your brother and ask if everything is ok? I'd be livid, but I know my sibling isn't a complete twat, so I'd assume something was very wrong.

Original poster
RozaBaby · 15/05/2023 19:59

pokabubble · 15/05/2023 19:53

Or hers are all boys and she wants a girl or other way round. Anyway. Very rude of them.

I haven’t been told of any losses or attempts to get pregnant but I agree it wouldn’t be easy to get over if it happened. I had a loss earlier last year and understand how it feels.

In regards to genders, they have an even spilt (3 of each).

OP posts:
Cosycover · 15/05/2023 20:00

I would ask my brother why he asked me that question. And I would ask him why they have responded this way to the news.

Hes your brother. Just ask him.

pokabubble · 15/05/2023 20:01

legalseagull · 15/05/2023 19:57

Can't you text your brother and ask if everything is ok? I'd be livid, but I know my sibling isn't a complete twat, so I'd assume something was very wrong.

Yeah just ring him for a chat

custardbear · 15/05/2023 20:02

I'd text and tell him that the conversation felt very uncomfortable and is there any problem. You don't need any stress so try to resolve the issue
Congratulations and enjoy!

Shesellsseashellsunluckyshespoor · 15/05/2023 20:02

My immediate reaction was she’s pregnant too OP and that’s why she was asking about due dates etc but why they would be that bothered about thunder stealing when they already have 6 children I have no idea 🤷🏻‍♀️

Mumtobabyhavoc · 15/05/2023 20:02

Are you planning on keeping it, or what?

What an utterly rude and bizarre question, the whole exchange really. Why not ask your brother straight out why he and sil are reacting so oddly?

NCFThis · 15/05/2023 20:04

OP - A wild guess here but because you say partner - are you married? If not, could they be so 18th century to think it's out of wedlock type thing? Hence 'are you keeping it?' Really sounds absolutely abnormal otherwise!

TooOldForThisNonsense · 15/05/2023 20:04

Plain weird

Runningcrew · 15/05/2023 20:04

There’s no excuse OP, they have 6 kids and you have none yet, but at least one miscarriage and presumably you’ve shown joy and support to your brother when SIL was pregnant. So even if in worst case scenario she has sadly recently suffered a loss she shouldn’t be making you feel uncomfortable like that as you didn’t when it was them having babies.

A lot of people have jealous siblings and it’s a real shame. There are people in my life I refuse to share good news with because their reaction is always so negative and puts a dampener on things! I may tell them eventually but I drag it out or let them find out through someone else.

LimeCheesecake · 15/05/2023 20:06

my gut reaction is they are shocked you are having a baby now for some reason - as you have been with your dp for 3 years it can’t be that it’s a new relationship, are you much younger than your brother? (As in, under 21) so they haven’t quite got round to seeing you as an adult?

or could you be in an insecure financial /housing situation? Still in education/training etc?

Do you/your SIL have family cultures where having a baby unmarried isn’t the done thing?

“are you keeping it?” Does read like there’s a good reason in their minds to think you wouldn’t be.

LunchBoxPolice · 15/05/2023 20:09

How weird and hurtful.
Congratulation op !

MollyRover · 15/05/2023 20:13

Very strange reaction. My brother phoned me to tell me about their DC2, I disclosed earlier than I planned to about my DC2, my DH and his DW came on the phone and we whooped and giggled for eachother, the end. They've got 6 children fgs, they couldn't be jealous or shocked that someone else might decide to have one!!

Thundercats77 · 15/05/2023 20:14

Congratulations op how exciting for you both! I hope you have a really smooth pregnancy. As previous pp have said, don't give them any updates and just don't bother with them. You concentrate on enjoying your pregnancy and don't waste your energy on them.

Nocutenamesleft · 15/05/2023 20:18

Rather than us strangers who don’t know either of you wouldn’t really have a clue

maybe ring them and ask? I take it you aren’t that close to your brother? If you’re not close is it a big deal and if you are close. The. Ask him why he and her reacted like that?

then let us know 😂

diddl · 15/05/2023 20:19

SIL might be thinking that yours will be the preferred GC?

Very odd (imo) that your brother asked whose scan it was!!

Wtfishappeningandwhy · 15/05/2023 20:20

Do they accept a lot of childcare from your parents? Maybe worried that you having dc will make parents less available to them. Whatever the reason, it’s a rude and obnoxious response to your happy news. Congratulations on your pregnancy 🎉

NeverDropYourMooncup · 15/05/2023 20:22

Does she tend to wail 'I've got SIX CHILDREN!' in connection with wanting

Money
Babysitting
Sympathy
Pats on the head
The red carpet rolled out when she honours everybody with the opportunity to lavish gifts and attention upon the cherished fruits of her womb?

  • so she's seeing your due date as potentially affecting her kids' birthday and Christmas presents?

Or is she incredibly possessive of BIL and seems convinced that he and his cock of gold are like catnip to anything with ovaries, so instantly assumed the scan image was from some random woman at his workplace?

KinderCat · 15/05/2023 20:25

Like a lot of other my SIL (DH's sister) was a bit like this when we announced our first. After a lot of issues we finally managed to concieve purely by chance. Rest of the family happy and normal messages, she refused to message us just messaged MIL to confirm if she knew, if its true, when it's due. Hers is 100% fear ours will take the attention away as hers are the only grandchildren in a big family and DH is very much apple of his mum's eye to boot (last part against my will).... probably similar OP. Used to being the family and center of it, now like you said a first after some issues and more locally has put her nose out of joint.

Congrats OP! Enjoy it and ignore them!

Starlitestarbright · 15/05/2023 20:26

She sounds threatened by your baby taking time away from her dc

Hopelesscynic · 15/05/2023 20:27

Whatever their "reasons" (if any) their reaction is overly rude and disgusting. If they'd follow up with a kind text (which they should have done after feeling ashamed of themselves), that might have saved the situation. But after the nasty comment about keeping or not keeping "it" (your child!) No way I'd be in any further communication with them.

They must know full well you wouldn't be sending them a scan photo if you were planning an abortion and certainly wouldn't be telling them the "due date"!

takealettermsjones · 15/05/2023 20:28

Congratulations!

Wow, what a bizarre reaction. Even if there is a loss or infertility issue, it seems strange to react with what looks like anger rather than sadness. Is there any reason why they would be angry at the thought of you having a baby? Are you really young? Will pregnancy be really dangerous for you medically? Are you a serial killer? 😆

I would wait until things have calmed down and then ring your brother and ask what that was all about.

PuffinMcStuffin · 15/05/2023 20:28

OP you are going to need to speak to your brother before you can know what to do - there has got to be something else going on if this is so out of character of him.

DowntonCrabby · 15/05/2023 20:31

That’s disgusting. Even if they’ve had a sad loss/ are planning more and it’s not going well it’s a horrible reaction that I’d struggle to get past.

Swipe left for the next trending thread