Page 8 | To want my son to go to a higher achieving Uni?

Namingchangeagain · 2023-05-15T12:59:43+00:00

My son now has A star AA at A-level and is on his year out. He has four unconditional offers from universities (going this September) and three of those unis are considered ‘top’ - Bristol, Durham and Leeds. However, he wants to go Aberystwyth - who have also offered him a place. We think he is aiming too low (most students on the course will have BBB whereas our son has A star AA). AIBU?

LuckySantangelo35 · 15/05/2023 19:46

isitstillmonday · 15/05/2023 16:52

Op I have a relative at Aberystwyth, he loves it. He is trying to stay there as long as possible. 3 years is a long time to be in a city if you want to be somewhere quieter.

I went to a non red brick uni. With bonus I earn 165k. I got a 1st class degree which got me on a graduate scheme. It has crossed my mind that had I gone red brick, maybe I wouldn't have got the 1st class! So there are advantages.

@isitstillmonday

why wouldn’t you have got the first class degree had you gone to a red brick uni?

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/05/2023 19:49

Well, it’s very bloody expensive, so it’s fair enough for you to ask how much the degree will be worth when he leaves.

Does he have any idea what he wants to do? If it’s super competitive, or he is ambitious to do very well full stop, then yes he needs to think about it.

Assuming you are funding a fair chunk, you have a right to an opinion - but go gently obviously, he has to forge his own path, and you don’t want to damage your relationship.

Magien · 15/05/2023 19:50

Your son sounds better informed than you, Aberystwyth is well known for its International Politics dept, it ranks 4th in the UK for Politics in the Guardian league tables way above the others he has offers from. Their employability stats are also excellent.

MakesMeFeelSad · 15/05/2023 19:56

AllegraWalterJones · 15/05/2023 19:32

Dramatic much? Who hurt you?

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Hit a nerve did I?

No one, I've never had parents who would use money to try and control me

user4750 · 15/05/2023 19:57

ChocChipHandbag · 15/05/2023 19:29

When you say firm, do you mean law firm?

We have a pretty rigorous interview and assessment process, which includes a 2 week placement. Haven't noticed much of an increase in bad hires.

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Yes. We are experiencing issues

eggsbenedict23 · 15/05/2023 20:00

user4750 · 15/05/2023 19:57

Yes. We are experiencing issues

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Why were they hired then?

Pieceofpurplesky · 15/05/2023 20:06

There is such a ridiculous tiger mum attitude on here. DS got AAA and offers from all over but he chose the university he wanted to go to based on a number of things, including meeting the lecturers on open day - they were much better and more personable that some of the others.
Yes there are people on his course who shock horror got Bs but the lectures and life are fantastic. He is loving it.

Mirabai · 15/05/2023 20:10

ChocChipHandbag · 15/05/2023 19:13

That is unlikely to happen because of institution- blind applications, however if it did then I can guarantee it would spark a conversation about sailing, or coasteering, or dog walks along the beach, or environmental issues, or shipping- the sea is a good thing to be interested in!

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Wow what an interesting conversation!

I was referring to a notional uni interview not a job interview - I have zero interest in your firm’s application process.

FluffyDiplodocus · 15/05/2023 20:13

YABU. I went there and honestly it was such a lovely place to live and study. Everyone I know (or have since met) that went there speaks of it so fondly. Prestige isn’t the most important thing, he has to live there for three years!

MakesMeFeelSad · 15/05/2023 20:13

He's had a year out so 19 now . If by the time he leaves at 22/23 he can think of anything better to say in an interview than The sea! Then there's a real issue

I'm not sure why you would even think he'd come out with that

summerpoolandsun · 15/05/2023 20:15

I agree with you OP, university matters, his first job applications will consider it important

ladykale · 15/05/2023 20:16

Greenfairydust · 15/05/2023 19:04

It's his life and his choice.

Better for him to go to the university of his choice, have a good experience and complete his degree with high marks rather than go to the wrong university, struggle with his course/the environment and end up with a lower degree...

''@ladykale
ilovesooty · Today 14:09
It's his decision, not yours.
This is regular but terrible advice often on MN.
Young people rarely understand the broader significance of their uni choice on life and career prospects, or choose uni based on which they'll party at more.
Given the amount of debt they'll get into by going, it's helpful to guide young people to go to the best uni they possibly can.''

It is patronising in the extreme to suggest that someone cannot possibly make their own decision about their education or that all that young people care about is partying.

In far the best way to derail someone's education and career is to try to force them to do something they might not have any interest/aptitude in and to risk ending up in the wrong environment.

You can give your advices/views but ultimately you need to respect their decision. Or you teaching your kids that they have no control over their lives and that they are too stupid to make the right choices, which is incredibly harmful.

Fair enough, but I'm glad aged 16/17 I had a bit of a steer as I was thinking of the completely wrong thing when I went to uni open days I.e. how "fun" the uni seemed, what my social life would be in the relevant city etc.

All factors to consider but they shouldn't be THE leading factor & I'm glad I went to the best uni I possibly could even though it didn't seem as "fun" from the open day

Lo and behold, I got there, made great friends, still had fun and left with the best degree possible to get me a job...

Hardly a wild suggestion to say that a 17yo doesn't have the benefit of hindsight and years in the job market!

TheaBrandt · 15/05/2023 20:18

Really pleased to hear City law firms recruiting blind - I petitioned partners to give my excellent paralegal a training contract (years ago now) but they were snobby about her university 🙄

stevalnamechanger · 15/05/2023 20:21

Lcb123 · 15/05/2023 14:16

His decision. He needs to be happy there and be interested by the course content. And what uni you go to has zero impact on your career, in my experience.

Not really . The top employers do target the top unis for internship and grad hiring still .

Also typically the more traditional unis have better Alumni groups for networking & referrals - Durham certainly does !

However after getting your first job I think it doesn't really matter and there is less focus on this , with many companies don't look at university name at all !

There is a push to get away from uni bias , but sadly not at the grad hiring level where it has the biggest impact - strange !

eggsbenedict23 · 15/05/2023 20:28

Well my son showed me the LSE economics open day recordings which showed LSE graduates top the earnings. But in the video the professor said "take this with a pinch of salt".

Dorisbonson · 15/05/2023 20:34

I hire people into my team in roles of a £150k+ a year. Aberystwyth is fine but not exactly academically rigourous and wouldn't mark your child out from the crowd.

A top university will always carry a degree of prestige and whilst it a low priority it's reassuring and also highlights brighter graduates. Having said that Aberystwyth wouldn't stop me from hiring someone but it's not exactly an advantage and two people I am about to hire for salaries of circa £120k and £170k don't have degrees at all. They both came through specialist recruiters and might have been filtered out by AI if they had applied through the website.

eggsbenedict23 · 15/05/2023 20:37

Didn't our King attend Aberystwyth for a few weeks?

lupinlapain · 15/05/2023 20:39

Aberystwyth:

Small town
Great scenery
Beach and mountains within east reach
Good reputation for IR
One of the few places in the UK where you can live in a bi-lingual setting.
Lots of international students
Students around all week. (No empty halls at weekends)
Beautiful train journey to get there.
Town and campus all within walking distance
Small enough to ensure personal attention.

There are so many positives about Aber which explains why student satisfaction is so high.

SmartHome · 15/05/2023 20:40

Dorisbonson · 15/05/2023 20:34

I hire people into my team in roles of a £150k+ a year. Aberystwyth is fine but not exactly academically rigourous and wouldn't mark your child out from the crowd.

A top university will always carry a degree of prestige and whilst it a low priority it's reassuring and also highlights brighter graduates. Having said that Aberystwyth wouldn't stop me from hiring someone but it's not exactly an advantage and two people I am about to hire for salaries of circa £120k and £170k don't have degrees at all. They both came through specialist recruiters and might have been filtered out by AI if they had applied through the website.

Are these graduate roles?

AllegraWalterJones · 15/05/2023 20:41

MakesMeFeelSad · 15/05/2023 19:56

Hit a nerve did I?

No one, I've never had parents who would use money to try and control me

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No, it's you who's had a nerve hit by the OP.
All she has said was she thinks her son is 'aiming lower'.
There's a lot of room between leaving it completely up to them and having the final stamp of approval.

Trust parents to know their own child. As much as there are people going 'I went to an RG and hated it' there are also many who held back for fear of not being good enough, and later wish they had gone for it.

AllegraWalterJones · 15/05/2023 20:44

eggsbenedict23 · 15/05/2023 20:28

Well my son showed me the LSE economics open day recordings which showed LSE graduates top the earnings. But in the video the professor said "take this with a pinch of salt".

Well because the sort of people who choose LSE economics are the sort who are after the money.
Of course, there are other factors like being in London etc but the reputation of a university makes the cohort select themselves.
When I was there it was full of spring week applications before Fresher's week had even started!

eggsbenedict23 · 15/05/2023 20:46

AllegraWalterJones · 15/05/2023 20:44

Well because the sort of people who choose LSE economics are the sort who are after the money.
Of course, there are other factors like being in London etc but the reputation of a university makes the cohort select themselves.
When I was there it was full of spring week applications before Fresher's week had even started!

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Yes that was I was thinking. The people who are driven and want to earn loads choose LSE. Instead of LSE creating people who have the earning power. (Though I assume LSE helps a bit)

Original poster

Namingchangeagain · 15/05/2023 20:49

Update - I am BU. Have taken all the above on board and particularly those about Aber being birthplace of IR and great for languages. My son has made a brilliant choice it seems - am fully behind him now and rather proud. Thank you all very much. Oh - and son has just told me that he firmed Aber, unbeknown to us, last week 😂 so it is a done deal anyway!

OP posts:

Gilead · 15/05/2023 20:50

Dd went to Aber, loved it (She had threeA* and an A. She is still friends with lecturers and students she was with. She has an extremely good, well paid job.
It’s a good uni with excellent pastoral care (yes I’ve seen the papers but we found it good). It’s a pleasant living environment too.

MakesMeFeelSad · 15/05/2023 20:52

AllegraWalterJones · 15/05/2023 20:41

No, it's you who's had a nerve hit by the OP.
All she has said was she thinks her son is 'aiming lower'.
There's a lot of room between leaving it completely up to them and having the final stamp of approval.

Trust parents to know their own child. As much as there are people going 'I went to an RG and hated it' there are also many who held back for fear of not being good enough, and later wish they had gone for it.

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Why would I have had a nerve hit? I'm not the one posting sad faces because my son has a different opinion on unis to me

He's not a child, he's 19. Maybe he knows his own mind! Why should his mum had the final stamp of approval?

Op hasn't said he is being held back by fear you're projecting there!