To have 11 year old get himself ready and go to school alone?

[NoahandIsaac]

Hi, I've had to get a new job (I start at 6am) there's no flexibility with this, but it pays well and I need this salary to cover our living expenses (single mum).

My son is 11 and in year 6, but will obviously be starting secondary school this year. His primary school is in our village and he honestly usually meets up with friends and walks by himself. When he starts secondary school, I'm sure he will walk himself to the school bus stop and meet his friends there as well. Thing is, I won't be there when he wakes up, so he needs to get himself up (we have already been working on that this past year anyway, with him setting his own alarm, obviously I'm up already and would be there to ensure he did actually get up, but it's been going fine and he will usually get up to his own alarm).

He's capable of making some toast or cereal for breakfast and obviously gets himself ready. I finish before school ends, but he always walks himself home anyway, but I'll be there every day when he returns. Obviously still available for all after school activities and things. It seems like it will work really well, apart from him obviously being on his own in the mornings. Would this bother you and would it be unreasonable to expect him to be okay on his own every morning?

Can someone who actually works in a secondary school please comment?

Because in my experience, so long as kids are getting to and from school (and there's no obvious signs of neglect or other worries) they don't care? Why would they?

Lucky so many of you are SAHP to be able to coddle your kids until they're literally adults - I say this as a parent who currently drives my kids to school but would have no issue doing this at all. Although I don't trust my 14 YOs to actually sort themselves out (but that's a whole other story...!)

My 8 and 10 year old get themselves ready and walk to school together alone.

No reason why an 11 can’t

It's not ideal, but needs must. DD has always got herself up pretty reliably, but I have always done a quick look-in to check she hasn't slept through her alarm - which has happened probably at most ten times in 7 years. (Just after she started walking to school without me in year 5, I slept through MY alarm, and woke to find her just disappearing out the door without bothering to disturb me! I was glad I didn't wake any later, as I might have felt the need to ring the school and check she was there.)

If you can put in a call at a suitable point, that gives him a bit of contact with you and a check that he's up. If you can't, might a grandparent be able to do so? As he gets older, he'll probably be happy just sending you a text to let you know he's up.

I guess the other problem is if he wakes up unwell - so you need some sort of plan in place - both for if he's ill enough that he needs someone to look after him, and also for making the call to the school to let them know.

There is no wrap around care at secondary so there’s not a thing they can say. Some might open library early but lots of children are on school buses so fixed to bus times.
The only time it would come on schools radar would be if child repeatedly overslept and is repeatedly late.

Of course it’s a bit sad. Stirrer. But she’s already stated that she has few options.

Try to stretch your imagination a bit. And not make people feel more shit about what is a not-great situation.

It's quite a luxury to have a parent at home at both ends of the school day when your children are in high school. Which this boy isn't but he's only half a term away.

What would you do?

I'd make sure if breakfast / clothes etc are all out ready to reduce delays. Put find my kids app on his phone. Make sure the clock is set and ring him as well to make sure he's up. You could always face time him if he thinks he'll be lonely. Will he lock the house up safely?

How does your son feel about it? If he's happy to do it and is generally sensible, then I'd try it and see.

I wouldn't be too worried about him sleeping in - it sounds like he's good at getting up, and the worst case scenario is that he'd be late for school - just make sure he knows that he should still go to school even if he's late. If it happens more than once, then you can revisit things.

Is there any way you could get another school parent who walks to pick him up on the way past, so that at least you know someone will be aware if he's not well or something?

Or could you even let school know, so that they prioritise phoning you if he doesn't turn up, rather than possibly leaving him to the end of the list?

A sensible 11 year old will be fine. I did the exact same thing from age 11 but without a parent to wait for me at home as they worked long hours!