To wonder if it's possible to meet someone as a lone parent ?

CadburyDream · 2023-05-13T10:38:40+00:00

Is it possible to date as a lone parent if you have no child care help from family? or babysitters? I would like to date again after being single for many years but my children are not old enough to be left alone for evenings and I'm with them full time. I get some free time whilst they are at school but that is the only time I get. Any success stories of lone parents meeting someone? Or do lone parents have to stay single till their children have grown up 😏(a long way to go) is it possible to meet someone as a lone parent?

NotmykingEatCake · 13/05/2023 11:40

Yes, I was widowed with no local family. I paid babysitters and did sleepover swaps with friends.

He's currently out taking my youngest to a party :)

Thepeopleversuswork · 13/05/2023 12:26

It is definitely possible. I met my OH about five years after my marriage broke down.

You do need to try to put a babysitter or support network in place and it will cost you a bit.

If you have local friends with whom you can do childcare swaps that’s a big help. I personally found I wanted to be careful not to be seen to be taking the piss or freeloading so I never had this ad my default choice though. Most people are happy to help but you don’t want to wear out goodwill.

Original poster

CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 12:30

I don't have the option to do babysitting swaps unfortunately. I've looked into professional babysitters but it will cost around £100 for a night out where I am 😥 has anyone managed to date purely in school hours?

OP posts:

NotmykingEatCake · 13/05/2023 18:29

What's stopping you doing swaps?

And you don't need a professional sitter, find a teen for 5-7 pounds an hour

Original poster

CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 18:36

I don’t know any teens if I did I would happily but I don’t know any most of my neighbours are elderly. I can’t do babysitting swaps as I don’t have anyone to swap with.

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3BSHKATS · 13/05/2023 18:43

It is certainly a challenge. If i had a pound for every time i've been told "i dont want a girlfriend who's only available every other weekend "

OP you will have to create a babysitting circle on facebook or nextdoor. otherwise you are doomed.

UpUpUpU · 13/05/2023 18:49

I have. He is also a lone parent but his kids are older. We had most dates during the day (he works from home and I work shifts) so that helped.
it’s been 18 months now so he comes to mine in the evening occasionally and I stay over at his when my child is at his dads. We now have days out all together too.

it’s helped that he is a single parent too, so understands the difficulties. We’ve both needed to be patient but I feel very lucky to have met him.

Original poster

CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 18:50

My kids don’t visit their dad at all so I don’t get any weekends off / days off

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Weedoormatnomore · 13/05/2023 18:53

If there teens can't you go out and leave them at home. Might be people that shift work you could do lunch dates !

Original poster

CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 18:54

They are not teens

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Bemyclementine · 13/05/2023 18:56

I'd like to know the answer OP. Single 5 yrs, since the dc were babies so they're still very young. They see their dad but he doesn't have them overnight.

MarshmallowsOnToast · 13/05/2023 18:58

Weedoormatnomore · 13/05/2023 18:53

If there teens can't you go out and leave them at home. Might be people that shift work you could do lunch dates !

It says in the OP..

"but my children are not old enough to be left alone for evenings"

Singleandproud · 13/05/2023 18:59

You dont need to wait until they are fully grown up, once they hit 13 they can be left home alone during the day (and don't want to be with you anyway). Then have daytime dates, I probably wouldn't leave DD home alone at night until she gets closer to 15/16. Ofcourse this requires a partner who doesn't mind dating only during the day. Maybe need to find yourself a werewolf!

HappiestSleeping · 13/05/2023 19:01

I went out with a single mum of a 2 year old. The right man will work with you to make it work somehow.

Starseeking · 13/05/2023 19:02

If your DC are at school, there must be other parents in a similar situation that you can make connections with and support each other?m to create time for yourself?

At my school we all live very close to each other so help out with ferrying round the children to parties and play dates, which gives everyone some time to themselves at the weekends.

Original poster

CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 19:04

Singleandproud · 13/05/2023 18:59

You dont need to wait until they are fully grown up, once they hit 13 they can be left home alone during the day (and don't want to be with you anyway). Then have daytime dates, I probably wouldn't leave DD home alone at night until she gets closer to 15/16. Ofcourse this requires a partner who doesn't mind dating only during the day. Maybe need to find yourself a werewolf!

How does this work with siblings? What age is it reasonable for siblings to babysit younger ones?

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Original poster

CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 19:05

Starseeking · 13/05/2023 19:02

If your DC are at school, there must be other parents in a similar situation that you can make connections with and support each other?m to create time for yourself?

At my school we all live very close to each other so help out with ferrying round the children to parties and play dates, which gives everyone some time to themselves at the weekends.

No I’m a bit of an outsider never really hit it off with anyone there the odd hello but nothing more

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3BSHKATS · 13/05/2023 19:09

HappiestSleeping · 13/05/2023 19:01

I went out with a single mum of a 2 year old. The right man will work with you to make it work somehow.

And who had the child whilst you were "out" ?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 13/05/2023 19:13

I know people who have managed it, but truthfully they all introduced their children to their new partner very quickly, and integrated him (and before him, other men) into the family very quickly. I wouldn't do it myself but the truth is that is how people do it.

Findyourneutralspace · 13/05/2023 19:14

Do your children never have play dates? Could you extend those to sleepover invites? I know it’s hard being a single parent, I’ve done it myself for many years, but it’s a shame for everyone if it is only ever you and them outside school hours.

Yuogi · 13/05/2023 19:15

I met DH when I was a single mum of a 7yo. I had to use paid childcare as no family around or anyone else to get free childcare. I find it's better that way as the boundaries are clearer. Anyway, that was years ago, we've been married 11 years and DS has graduated from uni!

Statisically most single mums find a new relationship eventually so clearly they do manage to find childcare that works!

Original poster

CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 19:18

Findyourneutralspace · 13/05/2023 19:14

Do your children never have play dates? Could you extend those to sleepover invites? I know it’s hard being a single parent, I’ve done it myself for many years, but it’s a shame for everyone if it is only ever you and them outside school hours.

No

OP posts:

Gcsunnyside23 · 13/05/2023 19:18

CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 19:04

How does this work with siblings? What age is it reasonable for siblings to babysit younger ones?

Show quote history

What age are your kids OP?

Lioney · 13/05/2023 19:20

I haven't found it possible in the last 4 years.

I have no childcare & my dc don't go to their dads.

Paying babysitters with dc with additional needs is very tricky and expensive.

I don't want to introduce dc to 'boyfriends'

Its not something I have the energy for!

insideoutsider · 13/05/2023 19:28

Every option you've been offered has been met with 'no', 'I can't', or similar. That is what will prevent you from dating. It is hard dating with young kids so you have to be creative. Why can't you use paid babysitters? Check on Facebook or neighborhood aps where older teens will be put forward.
Allow me to say that if you can't afford a babysitter, it is possible you can't afford to date (how will you afford dates etc).
Just stuff to consider.
Good luck.
PS: I dated with young kids with no family help