Page 4 | To wonder if it's possible to meet someone as a lone parent ?

CadburyDream · 2023-05-13T10:38:40+00:00

Is it possible to date as a lone parent if you have no child care help from family? or babysitters? I would like to date again after being single for many years but my children are not old enough to be left alone for evenings and I'm with them full time. I get some free time whilst they are at school but that is the only time I get. Any success stories of lone parents meeting someone? Or do lone parents have to stay single till their children have grown up 😏(a long way to go) is it possible to meet someone as a lone parent?

JimnJoyce · 13/05/2023 21:36

@CadburyDream I'm in your position too, been single 5 years and DD is autistic so its difficult

Original poster

CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 21:37

Ontheperiphery79 · 13/05/2023 20:36

I know you only asked for 'success' stories, OP, but having been single for 5-ish years as well, and having KS1 aged DC, with their Father the other side of the country and no family to speak of, I have not found myself able to date.
I just can't afford to date, as too little money coming in to justify it.
I've just worked on building friendships and a support network of sorts, I guess.
And, I don't know whether this will always be the case, but I'm pretty happy being single, celibate and just me, DC and the cats!

Was happy single for the first 5 years but its getting lonely all my friends are with someone or dating it can be hard to not feel like you're getting left behind. Most people are busy with their situations

OP posts:

Weedoormatnomore · 13/05/2023 21:40

CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 18:54

They are not teens

Sorry I miss read thought that when you said you didn't know any teenagers it was a reply about arranging sleepovers with friends kids ! I would avoid school gates for relationships from the ones that got togeather at my kids primary not a single one worked out though you could be lucky !

PolkadotZebrasAndStripyGiraffes · 13/05/2023 22:06

Even though it was quite fast by MN terms, we hadn't just had a two hour date over a week, we spent lots of time together in daytimes so it was probably about 6-8 months worth of "normal" dating when we introduced each other to children.

Introducing children to someone you only met 6-8 months ago is still pretty reckless IMO. I just cannot understand why anybody would feel the need to involve their children in a relationship that is still in the very early stages of getting to know somebody. Not even known them a year, why the need to rush like this? I genuinely don't understand why you wouldn't just wait, why did your children need to be involved in it so early on?

VintageThoughts · 13/05/2023 22:09

I met a fireman.

They have loads of time off through the day so I used to see him while the DC were at school!

Any single firemen near you?!

HappiestSleeping · 13/05/2023 22:13

3BSHKATS · 13/05/2023 19:09

And who had the child whilst you were "out" ?

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She didn't have much in the way of help either. We met for lunch a lot when child was at nursery / school. She had one friend who sat sometimes. It wasn't easy, but we managed.

Original poster

CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 22:22

VintageThoughts · 13/05/2023 22:09

I met a fireman.

They have loads of time off through the day so I used to see him while the DC were at school!

Any single firemen near you?!

Wouldn't mind a fireman actually 😅

OP posts:

DivorcedAndDelighted · 13/05/2023 22:23

You will need to try new things and be more flexible if you want to date and hopefully bring a new person into your life. It sounds like mixing doesn't come easily to you at the moment, but as the saying goes, "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.". Even though you feel like an outsider, you can still search for, or set up, a local babysitting circle. Who knows, you might make some friends through it?

I don't think there's anything wrong with dating and specifying that you can only do daytime dates, though. It's going to limit your options a bit, but that's still better than the current situation where you have zero dates!

Original poster

CadburyDream · 13/05/2023 22:26

DivorcedAndDelighted · 13/05/2023 22:23

You will need to try new things and be more flexible if you want to date and hopefully bring a new person into your life. It sounds like mixing doesn't come easily to you at the moment, but as the saying goes, "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.". Even though you feel like an outsider, you can still search for, or set up, a local babysitting circle. Who knows, you might make some friends through it?

I don't think there's anything wrong with dating and specifying that you can only do daytime dates, though. It's going to limit your options a bit, but that's still better than the current situation where you have zero dates!

I'm talking more about dating than making friends as I've said for reasons I won't go into babysitting circles aren't going to work

OP posts:

DivorcedAndDelighted · 13/05/2023 22:55

PolkadotZebrasAndStripyGiraffes · 13/05/2023 22:06

Even though it was quite fast by MN terms, we hadn't just had a two hour date over a week, we spent lots of time together in daytimes so it was probably about 6-8 months worth of "normal" dating when we introduced each other to children.

Introducing children to someone you only met 6-8 months ago is still pretty reckless IMO. I just cannot understand why anybody would feel the need to involve their children in a relationship that is still in the very early stages of getting to know somebody. Not even known them a year, why the need to rush like this? I genuinely don't understand why you wouldn't just wait, why did your children need to be involved in it so early on?

Seems perfectly reasonable to me; we're all different. This relationship counsellor has some good articles on when & How To Introduce a new partner to kids, and she says
"First, there is no law that says you need to be on the road to marriage for your kids to meet your new partner. There is in fact something to be said for your kids learning that adults can date and then break up in a healthy way without drama or massive conflict. When your partner has become an important part of your life, and you are saying “I love you” and making future plans together, it may feel like a good time to introduce them to your children."

www.drpsychmom.com/2020/05/23/how-to-introduce-your-new-partner-to-your-kids/

www.drpsychmom.com/2019/12/01/ex-wife-wants-to-introduce-her-boyfriend-of-3-months-to-our-kids/

SocialLite · 13/05/2023 23:06

@DivorcedAndDelighted "Seems perfectly reasonable to me; we're all different"

Exactly- you just have to be sensible and honest. You don't jump straight to "This is your new dad" level of commitment instantly.

And besides, it's no good for anyone spending years getting to know someone, developing a deep bond with them, and then there's a personality clash between them and the kids, or each others kids and the families can't be blended. It's far better for them all to get to now each other and develop their relationships.

Also, I can't imagine hiding such a huge part of my life from either my kids or my partner and either of them being happy with it - hardly a trusting relationship now is it?

I had other relationships prior to this one that never got as far as introducing the kids and that was completely right. In this relationship it was absolutely the right thing to do and my kids would've been deprived of the amazing relationship with their step-dad who they genuinely love. It's a different relationship to the one they have with their father, but it's a wonderful one.

Everyone is different, and so is every relationship. We're not made with cookie cutters.

Icanhandletheruth · 14/09/2023 04:40

No

Runninghappy · 14/09/2023 07:52

I have my daughter full time, no family nearby and she does not see her dad. I left him when she was 6. I did manage to find people who were available during the day, which I didn’t expect to. I did sometimes get babysitters, but very occasionally and only for a couple of hours. You should be able to find babysitters cheaper than that. I live in an expensive part of the country and was only paying £10ish an hour and a couple of hours is enough. My daughter is now 14 and I have an amazing boyfriend. She can be left alone for a couple of hours which obviously makes it easier, but he’s in the same position as well. We don’t do sleepovers, which is hard, but we both know that when both children are at university it will be our time, and we know that’s worth waiting for.