Chalk on sidewalk

[Berrydoor284]

Chalking on paths???

Ok please help me out.., so background normally I’m so laid back and I never bite to anyone even when I should mostly because I think we’ll you don’t know what’s going on in others lives. Or it’s their problem not mine and I just can’t be doing with drama I tend not to attract it or entertain it. i don’t have and never have had much drama in my life.

so my neighbour is in her 80s.. I have lived on this estate for my whole life. As have many families. Including mine. Mostly ex council houses.. my neighbour lived on this estate her whole life - you get the picture… when I was growing up she lived up the road from us - nice lady. It was a close estate. I brought my house and my old neighbours moved out and she moved in as it’s smaller than her old house. She has been here for 11 years I’ve been here 16. I got on great with old neighbours as I do the other side.

she is prone to be quite funny in my opinion or is it me?
so when my twins were toddling I’d sometimes put a small dog bowl on our shared wall and she would tell me not to. I didn’t ask why and just moved it (it’s a chihuahua size bowl may I add there for maybe an hour while they played on the patio area).

We needed new felt on our summer house roof so we asked if we could just nip over and put ladders up to do one side she got angry we disturbed her by knocking to ask (I understand that as she is old it’s not nice to be disturbed for some people she told us just to do it don’t bother her again) it rained that day so we went in but the next morning my dad just nipped over and she threatened to call the police for trespassing. My kids were distraught thought we were going to prison she was so mad. My dad is calm like me and explained why he didn’t ask and what she said the previous day and she just stormed in saying if you damage my grass you will pay. (It was step ladders, roof needed 14 small felt nails hammering in 15 min job).

she doesn’t like my kids playing ball games as the ball goes over it’s only the small sponge balls / tennis ball size that we have in the garden as we respect not many want 5 kids smashing big balls at a fence so we don’t do any ball games and haven’t for 6 years after the last go where she said she doesn’t want to see balls in her garden.

she isn’t happy with my kids play house as “I” as in me can’t get to
my side of the fence which she put up to paint it. But I did say on that occasion well sadly I’m not taking it down the fence has been painted and I don’t mind sliding it out to paint if you let me your side as I have no access but she said no to that.

she is constantly looking over the fence or getting people to look to make sure I don’t have rubbish behind the summer house rotting her fence ( I don’t the odd bit might blow there but I love my garden and clean it regular)..

she wasn’t happy I removed trellis which was on my side of the fence but her fence because it was rotten and became dangerous to my kids and looked a mess and would of doted the fence as I couldn’t get to the fence to paint it. The trellis was there when I brought the house and after a few years had to be removed - no damage to fence may I add).

my dad or kids dad or anyone actually can’t park near her house even though she has a drive no one can use even though she paid 10000s to have it laid and even though it isn’t blocking her drive.. but she says it’s her path ( it’s a public path). She actually called DVLA once when I had a works small transit for a job I was doing through an agency to say it’s blocking her drive when it honestly was nowhere near. She didn’t know it was my van so openly told my mum over the fence that she called because she couldn’t see up there street and said it was blocking her drive when it wasn’t I don’t think she knows to this date it was mine. I never said anything lol… just moved it to my dads round the corner legend the agency called lol.

she was constantly accusing me of putting nappies down my toilet baby wipes make up wipes ( I don’t wear make up don’t put anything down the toilet only tissue) she reported me to water people who came out dig up some of my garden to get to a man hole to discover I’m the last house on this system / pathway and yes there is blockages but it’s not me as it comes down the street and ends with me. I get the brunt of it.

she had a go because I laid a gravel bed near her front fence as it will effect her ground.. and flowers not sure how we have a fence between us.

she has asked to check if I have smoke alarms as if my house catches fire it will effect her.

doesnt want us using weed killer on my path it might effect her garden not sure how my drive is far away.

I could go on. genuinely I just normally do as she says.

i have five children and they may get a bit loud In the house but they are actually quite good kids. We are out most of the time at families houses on the estate. A bool
holidays we are 99% of the time away. I have dogs have had dogs since I moved in they aren’t yappers they might have the odd bark but it’s never persistent relentless constant and never has been.. In the garden we stick to her rules and we go to my dads for big ball games he lives round the corner as he has a big garden nice neighbours with a fence with gate between neighbours so we can nip in get balls etc if they go over. We just keep
ourselves to ourselves…

well tonight my kids were outside MY house chalking. Outside my house… nothing big, certainly nothing offensive. We had 2 xmas trees, hopscotch, naughts and crosses X2, a tardis and two houses.

she is a bit like a spider anyone only needs to go near her fence or house and she is in the window….. well she starts asking through the window what we are doing I hold the chalk up and try mouth chalking. She then gets angry she has to open the window and proceeds to say not outside my garden your not. I said I’m not. All with a smile.. she then says we’ll that tree is too close to my garden I’m calling the police. I think maybe the star topper might of been creeping over and may of been a boundary issue 🤔🤔🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ It might of been slightly over. Maybe the top bit of the star sis very slightly nearly meet the start of her fence area.. Now I don’t know if she was on the phone or pretending to be but next thing she is hanging out the window saying over the phone yes there are kids outside vandalising my garden then slams the window. I’ve had no
police round and I have a distraught 5 year old thinking she will be arrested, me not wanting to say she doesn’t own the path and showing my kids that she is being ridiculous as I do want them to respect elderly people so not sure how to play it?

my kids have chalked these things on the front of my house for years my eldest is 16 and she has since day dot as have my other 4 kids it’s nothing big or offensive or major in my eyes!! or is it?

now normally when she has a go outside of the painting fence issue and an Ariel issue where it fell down in lockdown and I couldn’t afford to get it removed but it turned out it was hers I apologise and do as she says. Tonight I didn’t I stayed out and I finished my naughts and crosses game and did a bit of hopscotch!! Coloured my house roof I had spent time creating 😂😂😂 I’m rebel!! and I feel quite bad like I’ve done something really naughty this is quite out there for me to not say sorry and stop what I’m doing… I don’t feel
comfortable and then I think I don’t feel
comfortable as I’m being unreasonable

is it a big thing chalking outside your own house?

i know we are all different I personally don’t care. My neighbours on the other side I have no idea what they are doing and not doing and as long as they aren’t setting our fence on fire especially because I buy that fence I see it as their life their garden leave them be and they are like that with me. I couldn’t care less what they do they have had parties and why shouldn’t they!? They can get loud now and then why shouldn’t they it’s not constant and they are just everyday people doing their own thing. I like seeing kids chalk it reminds me there is more to
life than technology I don’t watch tv we have Netflix in our house and that’s it and it’s the account where you only watch one at a time so not even used much. We do have the internet but not much technology so outside and outdoors is important to us.

i guess I’m just here to get others thoughts on this? As I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable for being a bit fed up now and a bit angry or I’m being angry at myself for being a naughty kid by not going in when my neighbour rightly complained and I’m just one of them mums who thinks their kids can do what they want?
TIA and thanks for reading

😂

No she isn’t that and as I’ve grown up on this estate my whole life seeing these people as elders to respect I don’t see her like that at all… we care for my dad now as a family and I wouldn’t like him being seen or treated that way.

You are a little to blame here as you have pandered to her for years. From now on park where you like and ignore her.

I'm a bit disappointed by the dog bowl explanation. I was hoping for something a bit more exotic

I, as the adult, would go over and use the chalk to write "a twat lives here". And then deal with the consequences. But if never even be slightly neighborly to her again.

I find it fascinating how it’s assumed that dogs and kids must be an issue… what do you think dogs and kids do… my neighbour has kids and dogs as did my neighbours growing up. Even the mention of teens on this post again I’m not sure what the assumption is there either.

we are literally never in never have been to be honest. We travel a lot. Have commitments elsewhere.

i don’t really go online or mix much with others outside of my family and circle but I find it fascinating how it’s assumed that kids plus dogs must be sone big issue. I guess it could be but we are not the loudest house not a family stationed where they live much of anyone has ever had chihuahuas they are so much better in a two and as I now found a 3..

people that I am close to have no idea that are assumed about kids and dogs too.

this has been an eye opener for sure.

Why would you choose to read something then complain it was too long 😂

I have to admit I skimread and skipped a lot of OP

I suppose people assumed that you and your family must be at home - and live there - quite a bit, as you seem to know so much about the neighbour?

Haha I love how she just ignores all PP and posts another essay lol

You don’t need to keep typing up long posts to justify anything. You have your answer which is that it’s fine for kids to play with chalk on the pavement or sidewalk but you can also try to wash it off if you want to be considerate. Also stop being a pushover for your neighbour, be considerate but push back when you need to.

Typing long responses is not adding any value to anyone so move on.

You both sound quite hard work.

1. she is allowed autonomy over her garden
2. you irritated her by disturbing her, by knocking her her door to put the ladder up, if she's in her 80s, she might have only just got comfy, and then had to move...
3. you can't just barge into your neighbours garden to get a ball, and again if she's a bit stiff and uncomfortable she probably doesn't want to throw a ball back.
4. she doesn't want you blocking her driveway, even if she doesn't appear to use it...you say you are seldom at home, so you have no idea if she has visits from a district nurse or community health teams, who may use her driveway when they visit...this is not an unreasonable request, and you sound very entitled over this particular point.

You are

1. not being unreasonable about chalking outside your property, she can't dictate to you what you do on a public pavement.
2. you are not being unreasonable about laying gravel up to your bit of fence...it's your garden, and providing no damage is being done to her garden, then you are quite with in your rights to improve your property as you see fit.
3. of course your children get to play and be noisy in the garden, no matter how irritating it is to your neighbour, I'm afraid, she just needs to get ear plugs or noise cancelling headphones (caveat if it's constant then that would be miserable for her)
4. you are allowed to have dogs, and dogs do bark, again if it was constant I could see her point of view, but it sounds like it's only now and again...so she just has to deal with it.

She shouldn't have blamed you re the blocked drain, but maybe she didn't realise the drain takes other people's effluent away...obviously wipes (even those which say they are flushable) nappies and sanitary wear, shouldn't be flushed away particularly if the houses are older as the drain system very often can't cope, and quite honestly who wants shit coming into their house or garden due to a blockage?
Maybe you both need to be a bit more considerate of each other.

I suspect you and your faking think you “own” this estate.

I imagine that you’re all very intimidating to this lone elderly woman.

The more you type, the most sympathy i have with her

Family

Can't you wash the chalk away with the water from the dog bowls?

Bowls are small dog sized reasonableadjustmens....didn't you read the ridiculously long narrative op?😂

I would like to hear her side tbh as I'm a big believer that the truth usually lies somewhere in the middle. She's definitely being precious about the chalking but she might just be at the point of being wound up so easily because of years of disturbance - balls being chucked over the fence, waking up to someone in her garden (probably got a shock), dogs yapping etc. You say you're never there but it sounds like you are from your post and people with large families are often so used to the noise they aren't aware of how loud they are being.

Also, blocking someone's driveway is a dick move. We recently moved and the previous owners put up a "no parking/24 hour access required" sign on the garage which everyone ignores despite their being plenty of parking spaces because our garage is on the end and they don't want to be blocked in. We don't have a car yet but when we do I know it wil =l be pointless trying to park in our garage.

😂😂😂

Well before you have a pop at me do a quick google. For a start endangering life isn't part of the basic criminal damage offence so I don't know where you've pulled that from. To commit the offence the damage does not have to be permanent, so can include things like chalk, throwing eggs at a car etc.

And as I said the police would be very unlikely to take action. As for the age of offender, that relates to if the person who did the damage is old enough to be criminally responsible to be prosecuted, not if the offence had happened.

If a 9 year old keyed your car on purpose, the criminal has happened, but the offender is too young to be prosecuted.

Police told me that they didn't think chalking was a criminal offence no because no it wasn't permanent.

Well they need to go back to training school! It is an offence but I don't know of any police who would even consider prosecuting a kid for chalking on the pavement. Change the situation to something like protestors chalking on the pavements then it give a reason to arrest.

we are literally never in
So who is it doing all the chalking and other things that are annoying her? Is it a ghost? Let’s zhoozh this thread up with a ghost.

Personally I hate seeing chalk on the pavement, I think it looks unsightly and is pretty much graffiti. That said she does sound a bit crazy, but I think most old people would be living next door to 5 kids!

we are literally never in

ok so you and all of us know that with 5 children from very young through to teens…. That this is BS (and if it was true… sounds shitty and destabilising for the children to never be home)

anyway back to my point… you are clearly one for massive exaggeration and hyperbole. So I suspect you have utterly distorted the picture against this woman in favour of you. When the reality is very very different.

you won’t be back. No doubt out in your front garden with a tinny, along with your partner, husband and other family estate Mafia, watching 3pf the 5 children chalk, whilst the teen plays music loudly and the tween kicks balls over the fence.

It is genuinely hard to keep up with the lengthy posts. Details get lost and you begin to sound defensive (which starts to make people question why…)

But if I’m keeping up with your posts, there’s been a lot of pandering, so she has come to expect it. Just be a considerate neighbor, but stop letting her dictate your life. Keep playing ball at your dad’s as that’s an option you are fine with. As long as there’s no damage to her property, do what you’d like to yours.

You can be respectful of your elder neighbor without being a pushover. Be that example for your kids. Something like “I understand you don’t want our chalk on your property. We’re going to continue chalking, but I’ll be sure we attend to the boundaries moving forward and clean up anything currently on your side now.” There’s no reason you need to let your kids be scared they will be arrested because the woman next door doesn’t like what they do at their own home.