Chalk on sidewalk

[Berrydoor284]

Chalking on paths???

Ok please help me out.., so background normally I’m so laid back and I never bite to anyone even when I should mostly because I think we’ll you don’t know what’s going on in others lives. Or it’s their problem not mine and I just can’t be doing with drama I tend not to attract it or entertain it. i don’t have and never have had much drama in my life.

so my neighbour is in her 80s.. I have lived on this estate for my whole life. As have many families. Including mine. Mostly ex council houses.. my neighbour lived on this estate her whole life - you get the picture… when I was growing up she lived up the road from us - nice lady. It was a close estate. I brought my house and my old neighbours moved out and she moved in as it’s smaller than her old house. She has been here for 11 years I’ve been here 16. I got on great with old neighbours as I do the other side.

she is prone to be quite funny in my opinion or is it me?
so when my twins were toddling I’d sometimes put a small dog bowl on our shared wall and she would tell me not to. I didn’t ask why and just moved it (it’s a chihuahua size bowl may I add there for maybe an hour while they played on the patio area).

We needed new felt on our summer house roof so we asked if we could just nip over and put ladders up to do one side she got angry we disturbed her by knocking to ask (I understand that as she is old it’s not nice to be disturbed for some people she told us just to do it don’t bother her again) it rained that day so we went in but the next morning my dad just nipped over and she threatened to call the police for trespassing. My kids were distraught thought we were going to prison she was so mad. My dad is calm like me and explained why he didn’t ask and what she said the previous day and she just stormed in saying if you damage my grass you will pay. (It was step ladders, roof needed 14 small felt nails hammering in 15 min job).

she doesn’t like my kids playing ball games as the ball goes over it’s only the small sponge balls / tennis ball size that we have in the garden as we respect not many want 5 kids smashing big balls at a fence so we don’t do any ball games and haven’t for 6 years after the last go where she said she doesn’t want to see balls in her garden.

she isn’t happy with my kids play house as “I” as in me can’t get to
my side of the fence which she put up to paint it. But I did say on that occasion well sadly I’m not taking it down the fence has been painted and I don’t mind sliding it out to paint if you let me your side as I have no access but she said no to that.

she is constantly looking over the fence or getting people to look to make sure I don’t have rubbish behind the summer house rotting her fence ( I don’t the odd bit might blow there but I love my garden and clean it regular)..

she wasn’t happy I removed trellis which was on my side of the fence but her fence because it was rotten and became dangerous to my kids and looked a mess and would of doted the fence as I couldn’t get to the fence to paint it. The trellis was there when I brought the house and after a few years had to be removed - no damage to fence may I add).

my dad or kids dad or anyone actually can’t park near her house even though she has a drive no one can use even though she paid 10000s to have it laid and even though it isn’t blocking her drive.. but she says it’s her path ( it’s a public path). She actually called DVLA once when I had a works small transit for a job I was doing through an agency to say it’s blocking her drive when it honestly was nowhere near. She didn’t know it was my van so openly told my mum over the fence that she called because she couldn’t see up there street and said it was blocking her drive when it wasn’t I don’t think she knows to this date it was mine. I never said anything lol… just moved it to my dads round the corner legend the agency called lol.

she was constantly accusing me of putting nappies down my toilet baby wipes make up wipes ( I don’t wear make up don’t put anything down the toilet only tissue) she reported me to water people who came out dig up some of my garden to get to a man hole to discover I’m the last house on this system / pathway and yes there is blockages but it’s not me as it comes down the street and ends with me. I get the brunt of it.

she had a go because I laid a gravel bed near her front fence as it will effect her ground.. and flowers not sure how we have a fence between us.

she has asked to check if I have smoke alarms as if my house catches fire it will effect her.

doesnt want us using weed killer on my path it might effect her garden not sure how my drive is far away.

I could go on. genuinely I just normally do as she says.

i have five children and they may get a bit loud In the house but they are actually quite good kids. We are out most of the time at families houses on the estate. A bool
holidays we are 99% of the time away. I have dogs have had dogs since I moved in they aren’t yappers they might have the odd bark but it’s never persistent relentless constant and never has been.. In the garden we stick to her rules and we go to my dads for big ball games he lives round the corner as he has a big garden nice neighbours with a fence with gate between neighbours so we can nip in get balls etc if they go over. We just keep
ourselves to ourselves…

well tonight my kids were outside MY house chalking. Outside my house… nothing big, certainly nothing offensive. We had 2 xmas trees, hopscotch, naughts and crosses X2, a tardis and two houses.

she is a bit like a spider anyone only needs to go near her fence or house and she is in the window….. well she starts asking through the window what we are doing I hold the chalk up and try mouth chalking. She then gets angry she has to open the window and proceeds to say not outside my garden your not. I said I’m not. All with a smile.. she then says we’ll that tree is too close to my garden I’m calling the police. I think maybe the star topper might of been creeping over and may of been a boundary issue 🤔🤔🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ It might of been slightly over. Maybe the top bit of the star sis very slightly nearly meet the start of her fence area.. Now I don’t know if she was on the phone or pretending to be but next thing she is hanging out the window saying over the phone yes there are kids outside vandalising my garden then slams the window. I’ve had no
police round and I have a distraught 5 year old thinking she will be arrested, me not wanting to say she doesn’t own the path and showing my kids that she is being ridiculous as I do want them to respect elderly people so not sure how to play it?

my kids have chalked these things on the front of my house for years my eldest is 16 and she has since day dot as have my other 4 kids it’s nothing big or offensive or major in my eyes!! or is it?

now normally when she has a go outside of the painting fence issue and an Ariel issue where it fell down in lockdown and I couldn’t afford to get it removed but it turned out it was hers I apologise and do as she says. Tonight I didn’t I stayed out and I finished my naughts and crosses game and did a bit of hopscotch!! Coloured my house roof I had spent time creating 😂😂😂 I’m rebel!! and I feel quite bad like I’ve done something really naughty this is quite out there for me to not say sorry and stop what I’m doing… I don’t feel
comfortable and then I think I don’t feel
comfortable as I’m being unreasonable

is it a big thing chalking outside your own house?

i know we are all different I personally don’t care. My neighbours on the other side I have no idea what they are doing and not doing and as long as they aren’t setting our fence on fire especially because I buy that fence I see it as their life their garden leave them be and they are like that with me. I couldn’t care less what they do they have had parties and why shouldn’t they!? They can get loud now and then why shouldn’t they it’s not constant and they are just everyday people doing their own thing. I like seeing kids chalk it reminds me there is more to
life than technology I don’t watch tv we have Netflix in our house and that’s it and it’s the account where you only watch one at a time so not even used much. We do have the internet but not much technology so outside and outdoors is important to us.

i guess I’m just here to get others thoughts on this? As I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable for being a bit fed up now and a bit angry or I’m being angry at myself for being a naughty kid by not going in when my neighbour rightly complained and I’m just one of them mums who thinks their kids can do what they want?
TIA and thanks for reading

Can you not just tell your kids that no one is going to prison so there's no need to be distraught, and crack on with your life and ignore her?

Stop going in her garden though, why bother asking permission if you were going to do it anyway?

She is in the UK because she mentioned the DVLA

TLDR but you shouldn't have gone into her garden without permission. Your shed roof is not her problem

The neighbour had told her to get on and do it, not to disturb her further. That's why they went in and did it

For most of the examples she IBU. I suspect that she finds it very noisy living next door to a house of so many people, including 5 children and dogs. Even if you’re not shouting, this will be noisy for her. So perhaps she’s trying to assert her authority by other means. Perhaps you annoyed her on one occasion so she’s getting obsessed with everything. Some people will find something to moan about if they don’t have much going on in their lives and are at home all day.

Every other word used in that mega post suggests UK, apart from "sidewalk". I see no problem in commenting on it's use.

😂

She sounds mentally unwell OP so I would sit my children down and explain she doesn’t quite understand the damage her words are doing because sometimes you are unwell and say things you do not mean. Tell the kids to come to you every time she approaches them and you will deal with it.

@MileEndMillenial
could you tell me which other country has a DVLA, council and uses the word caravan?

or does your contribution only extend to unnecessary aggressive insults?

Omfg we have the same neighbour. Poisonous entitled nosy selfish old bag. Can’t park within 10 metres of her house and she owns the road. You can’t win, they have too much time on their hands.

You should have nipped this in the bud years ago! Chalking is fine - the rain will will clear it away at some point. She sounds like a lonely person with nothing to do except look at what others are doing. Be firmer with her when you know she is being unreasonable.

Definitely this. Just ignore he completely when you can, don't engage and caryy on. Tell the kids not to worry about her at all and to be polite but firm. She sounds hideous and ridiculous.

@knittingaddict you've got a rogue apostrophe there, it should be its not it's. It is ridiculous to pick someone up on a minor example of language changing, but in this case I see no problem with commenting on its use.

What is your point? Just another way to ram in some anti - Canadianism

What a lot of hysteria over literally nothing, on both sides.

no you’re obviously not unreasonable to let your children chalk the pavement.

Ignore her. If you have to respond just smile, nod and say ‘ok’.

Although she does have a point about balls going into her yard. This used to happen to me, balks would come sailing over the fence, followed by next door neighbours kids to retrieve them, very irritating.

And you say your five children and multiple dogs are very quiet and well behaved and never bother anyone, that’s probably not quite accurate.

Yes we totally agree but we did ask and she got really angry and told us just to go over and not bother he with that so we did just that… then that wasn’t good enough. Was the point

If you say sidewalk you have to say diapers too, you're doing faux American wrong OP.

It is very accurate to be honest we are away every half term outside of xmas where we spend 5-7 days at home. My dad is a stone throw away and we are mostly at his.

my neighbours have two large dogs three kids and don’t bother anyone I know the phrase bother is debatable but it is actually quite reflective. Not abnormal

If she asks you not to chalk outside her house just don't chalk outside her house, surely there's other places you can chalk - like outside your own house. It's probably not even be the chalk so much as noisy children outside her window disturbing her; she's an elderly lady living alone and while you may be very used to a loud, busy environment it may be hard for her to live next to. TBH I have a feeling that if she were writing she would be telling us about her horribly noisy neighbours with 5 kids and dogs making a racket outside her windows, messing with her fence and endlessly chucking balls into her garden (and possibly hitting her or her flowers). Being laid back is great, dismissing the effect you're having on other people and assuming any complaints towards you are "their problem not mine" is not great and makes you sound pretty selfish. Having said that, she did presumably know you had the dogs and children when she moved in so you shouldn't feel the need to tiptoe too much, just maybe be mindful that noise sounds very different when you're used to it and involved in the making of it than if you're used to quiet and sitting alone in an empty house. And obviously it's not ok to park on her driveway, even if she doesn't ever use it and did make it all nice!

Elderly people can become very anxious and hyper focussed on things. Hers is obviously her property boundaries and this hyper focus leads to anxiety, anger and paranoia at perceived transgressions.
I'm not saying every elderly person experiences this, but some do about some focussed " thing ."
I fully understand this must be difficult for you as you seem to be an ordinary and mindful neighbour.
I don't understand people encouraging an aggressive( nit physical) approach. She's 80 odd ffs! Park your car to annoy her etc 🙄This will distress and inflame the situation for everyone. How cruel .
You seem very mindful and understanding. It's actually mental health issues. I'm not sure how you should approach it but if you understand where her erratic and irritable behaviour is coming from it might inform your decision.
I'm certainly not advocating you limit your family from normal, reasonable family life. But a calm and understanding response is the way to go. You've been a good neighbour so far.
You said this lady was nice previously... we all get old people and things come to us that we never imagined . I'm glad you are a nice neighbour in the face of her very trying behaviour. It's mot you or your wee family . It's minor everyday things that she cannot cope with.

Well look, you know the answer because you said it in your second post. Instead of standing up for yourself, you've allowed this to go on for too long so she sees you as a pushover. Toughen up!

Just stop doing everything she tells you to? Why do you obey her?