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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can you spot an affair a mile off??

75 replies

KatieYoYo · 11/05/2023 22:19

Chatting with friends tonight and they all agree you can spot an affair a mile off- both have seen affairs at work and reckon they can see telltale signs. I work in an all female industry and haven't seen anything like it so maybe I'm blinkered but I would have thought people would be extra careful to be discreet and not give the game away?
So, could you spot an affair at work do you think? Are there signs? Would you know which two parents on the school run are making more than small talk?

OP posts:
Goodread1 · 11/05/2023 22:26

Yes I would be able to tell, I think as I am quite often intuitively spot on..

Obviously body language can be quite telling, but there's good olde worlde 6 sense or what somr people describe as gut reaction ..

I think emotional leakage would show in some aspects on

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 11/05/2023 22:31

I did. Saw a mum and dad coming out of the school gates after dropping off their dch. They were walking a few feet apart but there was something about how they were looking at each other and laughing. They were carefree and oblivious of everyone else. Their affair was discovered by her DH and broke up both marriages a few months later.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 11/05/2023 22:31

I'd have thought you'd be less likely to act shady or hide much if you were having a workplace affair (unless your partner also worked there obviously) it's a place you spend a lot of time away from your partner so people would probably be more relaxed about flirting or workplace crushes as they have noone to answer to about their behaviour.

InFlagrante · 11/05/2023 22:38

Based on my own experience, people see affairs that aren’t there, so no.

I found out years later that I was popularly believed to be shagging a colleague on the basis that we had breakfast together a lot — the poor man’s wife had just left him for their plumber, and he was crushed. I think I spent half the time saying ‘There, there.’ The other one was very recently, and based on me often being seen coming out of a male friend’s house at strange hours — in fact, I work near his house and walk his dog on my lunch break, and he and DH are good friends.

And someone just told me about an affair recently, in which two people I saw regularly, one of whose services I used (the OM also used her services) , had an affair and left their marriages to live together. I’m a reasonably observant and intuitive person, saw them together several days a week, and absolutely nothing showed in their body language or demeanour.

Panteranoir · 11/05/2023 22:45

Well I would have thought I could, until it turned out my immediate boss was having an affair with a young lady in accounts.

It was such a shock, he seemed like an all round good egg with two young kids and she was engaged to be married.

Anyway they split and are both still with respective partners, they were never caught out.

Actually when I think about it there were a few I missed!

Beaverbridge · 11/05/2023 22:49

Every work place I've worked at there were people having affairs. Most of them were highly noticeable. Glances and smiles usually, being in the same areas that they didn't have to be in.

Original poster
KatieYoYo · 11/05/2023 22:52

Interesting! Maybe some people can read body language better than others.

im always interested in hotel staff who can sniff out who is having an affair. How can you possibly tell if they are just an average couple or meeting secretly.

OP posts:
Jazzyjezzabelle · 11/05/2023 22:55

I suspect also folks see what isn’t there, you can’t tell if two people are attracted to one another or shagging.

CoronationKicking · 11/05/2023 23:10

People will tell you they can, until they can't and then they lie and say they knew something was going on.

determinedtomakethiswork · 11/05/2023 23:20

KatieYoYo · 11/05/2023 22:52

Interesting! Maybe some people can read body language better than others.

im always interested in hotel staff who can sniff out who is having an affair. How can you possibly tell if they are just an average couple or meeting secretly.

No luggage? Same time each week?

Soproudoflionesses · 11/05/2023 23:22

Ooh good thread

InFlagrante · 11/05/2023 23:28

determinedtomakethiswork · 11/05/2023 23:20

No luggage? Same time each week?

Show quote history

Arriving separately, paying cash so no telltale card bills, leaving after an hour or two, housekeeping reports underwear abandoned amid extremely rumpled sheets?

WineIsMyMainVice · 11/05/2023 23:32

I recently spotted someone without even meeting them! A mum I met at school who’s DH was always working overtime or staying out overnight apparently at work.
I asked a few questions which made me wonder even more….
turns out he’d been living a double life and even had a baby on the way!
Poor woman/wife was completely blind sided.

Remaker · 11/05/2023 23:37

I would have said yes. However I once ran into my (married) brother walking along the street with a woman I didn’t know. I stopped and talked to them, he introduced her as a colleague then I went on my way without another thought. A couple of months later he left his wife for the woman. I was shocked, it had never occurred to me that it was anything untoward, possibly because when I saw them together his wife was heavily pregnant!

Genie321 · 11/05/2023 23:46

A school mum always waving at DH but ignores me. He waves back.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 11/05/2023 23:54

It stands to reason that some people can’t spot an affair - otherwise there wouldn’t be any affairs. The partners would all have spotted them!

KrisAkabusi · 11/05/2023 23:55

No. And most people can't. They either hear about it afterwards and then claim they already knew, they never spot it at all, irthey think they see something, gossip about it and get it completely wrong.

lilmishap · 11/05/2023 23:58

KatieYoYo · 11/05/2023 22:52

Interesting! Maybe some people can read body language better than others.

im always interested in hotel staff who can sniff out who is having an affair. How can you possibly tell if they are just an average couple or meeting secretly.

One acts like they've been married a while or as if they're not together and the other acts like it's a new relationship or a fling...at check in. Then you see them at the bar after a few drinks and it's clear. It's a body language thing. Difficult to describe but you get to spotting it, also waitresses likely know.

Hayfeverseasonalready · 12/05/2023 00:03

It can hide in plain sight...

Original poster
KatieYoYo · 12/05/2023 09:19

InFlagrante · 11/05/2023 23:28

Arriving separately, paying cash so no telltale card bills, leaving after an hour or two, housekeeping reports underwear abandoned amid extremely rumpled sheets?

Show quote history

oh no the sheets never lie 😂could be a wedding anniversary

OP posts:
ThatWriterInTheCorner · 12/05/2023 09:25

I once caused a minor school-gates scandal when my DH was away for work and I did the school run with A Strange Man. A good friend (who is a copper, so good at finding things out) was delegated by the other mums to find out if this was my coy way of announcing my affair partner to the world.

The Strange Man was my brother. 😊

frankgu · 12/05/2023 09:27

People could be attracted to each other, flirt or even fancy each other but they may not be actually having an affair.

uhOhOP · 12/05/2023 09:30

Sometimes they think they're being extra careful but they aren't. And if you are particularly observant, it's easy to pick up on the things that give people up.

Efacsen · 12/05/2023 09:40

Yes I can and have done

During a meeting the more junior female affair partner leant over and adjusted one of his personal belongings on the table

It was so intimate

And affair was front page news soon after