Can you spot an affair a mile off??

[KatieYoYo]

Chatting with friends tonight and they all agree you can spot an affair a mile off- both have seen affairs at work and reckon they can see telltale signs. I work in an all female industry and haven't seen anything like it so maybe I'm blinkered but I would have thought people would be extra careful to be discreet and not give the game away?
So, could you spot an affair at work do you think? Are there signs? Would you know which two parents on the school run are making more than small talk?

Disagree. Sometimes you can, sometimes you can't.

ThatWriterInTheCorner
That made me think of Keeping Up Appearances when Hyacinth thought Elizabeth had a strange man in the house whilst her husband was away. The strange man was her brother, who was staying with her following a divorce.

It’s almost impossible to say. I have worked in offices my whole career (over 20 years) and there’s never been a time where it’s come out someone is having an affair and it’s been a shock.

However, not all affairs come to light. So where I have suspected it and nothing came out, I might have benne wrong. Or I might have been right and it’s just never got found out. Or they could have really fancied eachother, so you could see something was going on, but never crossed that line.

I have also been on the receiving end of gossips who have insisted I must be sleeping withy boss. Mainly because people saw me getting whatever I wanted. Fact was that I fought for everything I got and didn’t always get what I wanted. It’s easier to spread rumours about others doing well, rather than fight for what you want.

I would never voice my suspicions of an affair. Because I think it’s often something that’s used against women to belittle them and talk down their achievements.

I do think people who have affairs think they are careful. But often they aren’t. People who know them well will, often, know something is off.

Interesting I'll give that thread a read!

Haha you scandalous woman

I have spotted affairs. But, of course, I don't know how many are taking place that I haven't spotted. So I can't have any idea what % success my "radar" functions at. Do you see what I mean? We can never know how good or bad we are at spotting them.

Personally think the OP is getting a hard time.

There was a rumour going around work that two people were having a relationship - based on him being seen leaving her house in the morning and walking to work with her... because he was her lodger. Gossips often don't care much for the truth and many a person's "intuition" has just caused a lot of headaches for everyone else.

I never have a single clue about this stuff. People could shag on the boardroom table in front of me and I'd think it was some sort of employee wellbeing programme.

You can sometimes pick up on chemistry but not all chemistry is an affair. An ex-colleague had an affair with another ex-colleague after I left, she said there was always a spark between them but I didn’t notice it and was shocked when she told me. I’d sat in the same room as them for months and it was just the three of us.

In a different job there was definitely a lot of chemistry between two colleagues. I don’t know if they ever crossed the line. I wouldn’t have been surprised if it came out they were having an affair. However, something changed during covid because they were definitely off with each other. They were still openly polite to each other and were in the same team so worked together without fuss but there was definitely a different air.

Yup. Every time I've thought "Hmmm, I bet they're secretly shagging" I've ended up being right. It's a bizarre kind of talent I have.

My son told people that his Daddy had gone away and his Uncle had come to stay. I was probably the talk of the school playground, but it was true. My Husband was away on business abroad and my brother had come to stay with us.

Yes - at work. It was blatantly obvious and he ended up leaving and working in another country as a result 😬 I suspect his wife found out and made him choose tbh.

He's still with his wife and she's with someone else now.

Either I am the only one who spots it, or I am oblivious when everyone else has seen it.

Well-you can spot ones that you can spot. Not all the other ones!

I can. But that’s probably because I work almost solely with men and they brag about it! But even when they don’t, I can always tell if I see them together. I can also always tell if someone is lying…but only in business. In my personal life I’m shit at it but if they lie to me professionally, I know. Weird but true and actually very useful.

Think it depends. One of my old mangers was having an affair with someone I worked with and kept trying to tell me she was better at the job than me, I had years of experience, and then asking me how I know stuff and how is she supposed to know that. I even had an idea he said was shit, came back from holiday and he told she had a great idea...Was the same one

Only once, and I saw it play out online. It was back in the days when Instagram used to show you who liked other people's posts. A good friend, who had a long term partner, was clearly having an online "thing" with someone else, who I didn't know at the time. This new person would like 10x old pics at 3am, that sort of thing. I had a newborn at the time so I was on my phone at odd hours. Then I saw them both at a work thing and my friend was so awkward, not even flirtatious, just visibly uncomfortable, that I immediately knew it was a real affair. I can't imagine I was the only person who noticed and I always wondered if I should have said something to them. I had no proof but it was obvious if you were paying attention. It all ended in tears.

Yes you can tell. The fact that they’re lost in one another making them literally oblivious to anyone else. They don’t realise how obvious it is from the outside looking in. Nature is very powerful, it causes people to fling caution to the winds.

I've spotted a couple, but I missed one....they really were careful but it came out when he left his wife. All in work.

On two occasions men who were having affairs with women in the office still brought their wives to Christmas parties/social events. You gotta have some balls to do that!

I suppose work places get a bit tribal.

Once a guy brought his wife and his work girlfriend was sat at another table crying her eyes out. Everyone knew they were having an affair. It was no secret at all. He paid no attention and the wife was none the wiser. Everyone just glossed over it. Think he played it off to his wife as 'awwww she's just broke up with his boyfriend'.

If you're ever a plus one at a work do and no one talks to you, they just smile.....that's a bit of a red flag for me now. Like mostly people bring their partners and everyone is like - oh wow it's so nice to finally meet you! How are you? I hear you're getting your kitchen renovated etc etc.

But if people are just 'hello, nice to meet you' smile and walk off.....big red flag you're OH is not well behaved at work....that's been my experience at least.

I can spot when people fancy each other but unless they're doing something like suddenly trotting out at lunch together without asking anyone else to join, you can't always tell if they've crossed a line.

It's like people who swear they can always tell if someone has had Botox or filler

Nope. I am trusting and walk around with my head in the clouds. I once had two work colleagues (who I worked with closely every day) break up after three years of dating and I hadn't actually realised until they broke up that they WERE dating. And that was a perfectly normal relationship, not a hidden affair.

Similarly I didn't realise that someone else I spent a lot of time with was dating a mutual friend until about a year after they moved in together.

I don’t think people can necessarily spot an affair, but I think people can see when others have chemistry, body language etc, regardless of whether it is acted upon in any way.