Can you spot an affair a mile off??

[KatieYoYo]

Chatting with friends tonight and they all agree you can spot an affair a mile off- both have seen affairs at work and reckon they can see telltale signs. I work in an all female industry and haven't seen anything like it so maybe I'm blinkered but I would have thought people would be extra careful to be discreet and not give the game away?
So, could you spot an affair at work do you think? Are there signs? Would you know which two parents on the school run are making more than small talk?

I used to work for solicitors and everyone was at it so much it was just common knowledge.

When it all unravelled no-one batted an eyelid. One of the couples managed to make the relationship work (I have no idea how). The other guy that got involved with had the worst time ever. It turned out that he did actually love his wife but she'd had enough of him so kicked him out. I actually felt a little sad for him when I saw how deflated he was. He was an okay person but got sucked in by the toxic culture at the time. I doubt he ever did it again.

Only if they have a band, clowns marching and elephants on their hind legs

I have never been surprised when an affair was revealed, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t missed any!

The funniest ones are the work colleagues who really seem to believe that nobody knows they are shagging.

EVERYBODY KNOWS!!!!!

I work in a hotel. Yes, you can definitely tell. Usually just one of them checks in, but there is a strange energy and furtiveness. We can also see the second person going up on the security cameras.
We used to have a regular cheating couple and it got to the point where we would just hand him the key packet as he scurried past the desk on his way to the lifts without exchanging a word.

Same!
Two partners at my old law firm, married to other people and with kids were carrying on and I didn’t have a clue!
Of course, with the retrospectoscope, I now look at their morning kitchen chats as more than just business development!
Heard they divorced their spouses, married each other and lived happily ever after!

Ooh I don't know, when someone who was a notorious cheat brought his wife along I made a real effort to chat to her and she was lovely. but he had no shame and spent half the night flirting with other women . I think they did split eventually, after he had a fling with someone half his age .

I think people who think they can are sometimes wrong though.

I was put through hell at work because of people who "knew" I was having an affair with a colleague. I was the only woman on the team. I worked with men all day, was I not supposed to have any friendships at work? I never saw him away from work and we certainly never had an affair, but we did eat lunch together and sometimes share a joke, we had a sports interest in common and that was enough for people at the company, who didn't work directly with us to "know".

Agreed @Bluemuf I think (with hindsight) people may have thought a colleague and I were having an affair as we went for lunch a lot. But in fact we just had a good awful boss and needed to get away to whinge. We didn't really message or chat at all outside of work

I think its fairly easy to spot chemistry in offices. People instinctively pick up on the body language and the pheromones even if nothing is visible. I've been caught out like this when I was having a silly fling with a much younger colleague (it wasn't really an affair although I was technically still married but separated). I was convinced we had flown under the radar with it and I later discovered EVERYONE had known.

But I think serious, full-blown affairs where there is a lot at stake are usually much more strategically covered up and therefore harder to spot.

Quite!

I worked in an office environment for over 40 years. There were many affairs going on between staff members. Everyone knew because nobody bothered keeping their affair quiet.

I am more surprised their partners are none the wiser tbh because everyone else knew

I'm shocked people are so blatant.
It seems like some careers it's rife. I heard the police were the worst- I guess if you work strange hours you're never really 'late home'.

I work in a hotel and yes you can spot an affair a mile off. They are shifty when checking in, constantly looking around and trying not to stand together. They don't like to be kept hanging around either and get very impatient with reception staff if they are not checking them in fast enough. Also they always go for a day let room, 9-5 so they avoid suspicion and can say they are working.

I didn't know my own fiance was fucking someone else for 6months so no.
Everyone they worked with knew before I did.
I've also worked with people who were having affairs and never knew until it came out.
School parents would have to be having an orgy on the playground for me to care what they're up to let alone notice anything less than a neon sign.
My radar for things like that is terrible, partly because I'm an honest person and think other people are the same, partly because I suspect I'm autistic and I just don't take hints and miss quite a lot of the nuances of social interaction.

Amateurs! ONE of you checks in, you don’t just both hang around reception shifting groping one another…

No. Sometimes but not always...

Yes I did. I walked out of a pub on a works night out and they were kissing but I'd known for a while. Fucking horrible because I told the woman to tell her husband (I was friends with him before her) or I'd tell him, she'd been using me and my husband as an excuse to not be with him
So 'Ooh im just meeting fanged for a drink after work' when she was with her boyfriend as we worked together and he knew who I was..

Vile woman

Anyway he cut me off because he thought I was in on it. I'd never put an affair again because it always hurts

I suspected my mother of having one. I opened a letter from her lover and it confirmed it for me. I was 13. It lasted til I was 21. Devastating! She had already left my father and four years after marrying my alcoholic stepfather she had this affair. Awful for a teenager to know this.

I think any stressful job with shared adversaries and common woes can lead to affairs. The need for support is close to the need for intimacy.

Opportunity, as in the time created by shift patterns, is less important. People having affairs will find a way to find the time.

Yep. Often.

In my experience solicitors office are particularly bad for it. It’s so easy because late nights are common and regular socialising is necessary for the role both lunches and after work. It’s also a very stressful job where people have to work closely together.

If you're not involved in the affair those who are drop their guard. Not all the way, but certainly enough for signs to be seen.

We had a new coffee shop owned by a lovely couple. Been together for years.
It flourished over 2-3 years and new staff brought in. The couple had a baby and all seemed great for their business
I went in one day and her partner just gave a look to a newer member of staff and I knew. I could see something was happening and his partner was busying about the shop.

Within a few months shop closed, everyone gone. Rather public nasty breakup.

When I was a teenager, I had a Summer holiday job at a B&B. We could always tell those who were having affairs. They would usually arrive at 12pm book the room for the night, but only use the room during the day.
Many of them used to come on specific days.
We used to name the couples based on what day of the week they would arrive for their illicit shag… ‘ Mr and Mrs( cough cough) Wednesday ..

No. I am often surprised when I hear of someone having had an affair, although tbf it doesn’t happen very often.

Not an affair, but my old manager and her senior manager started seeing each other secretly. I first suspected it when I saw my manager glancing over at him for a few seconds too long whilst he was talking to someone else. They were also ‘off sick’ for 3 days at the same time….

In my large friendship group, three married women were having affairs and I didn't notice one of them. One was a colleague, one was her friends brother and one was an ex. I was genuinely shocked when they were found out. I'm obviously gullible or too trusting of people. All ended in divorce. One went on to marry her OM.
Perhaps some of the men were/are too but it wasn't/hasn't been found out (yet).