To think that allowing young children to "play out" is a safeguarding concern?

[LongTimeLurker234]

Was just wondering how people feel about children between the ages of say, 6/7/8/9 "playing out" unsupervised by adults for hours, and without a phone. Going to the local parks, shops etc... Are there any laws about it?

I'm posting this because I'm actually concerned for some children, not just because of this issue alone but this is part of it.

YABU- playing out is normal
YANBU - safeguarding concern

That is a safeguarding concern. Did you notify the police?

As for the op, the age gap is too wide as some children will be ok just around the corner. Our house is further away from the park/ so dd could play out from 10.

Why are people overlooking Ops mention of her having wider concerns.

Because they're pretty much irrelevant to the situation - we don't know what the other concerns are and she's not comfortable telling us (which is fair enough).

People are just saying that playing out, in and of itself, isn't really a concern.

I agree with this. How do children learn risk assessment and listening to their instincts if they've not experienced it in small experiences from a young age? I used to sit on the step or sit out in the cul de sac with my v young child who now at 7 1/2 plays out responsibly with other children and when she's ready she'll Start being allowed to nearby streets to meet kids there. I can only give her as much reality training as possible to reduce the risk of something awful happening.
Once she's demonstrated confidence, responsibility , common sense and safety when out and about further, ill think about giving her a kids smart watch to contact me if needed or to be contacted.
I'm willing to bet alot of kids who aren't allowed out are given wide access to start phones as soon as they're 10/11 or earlier as they are roind here...and expected to act responsibly with them and not be vulnerable to grooming. I also think having mum or dad constantly on hand to help out if things don't go to plan can prevent natural problem solving being learned.
I'll wait for the backlash from those ready to justify the need for a phone as a necessity for today's children.

People are just saying that playing out, in and of itself, isn't really a concern.

well yes and no.
a couple of 9 year olds playing out in a quiet street or going to local park is normal.
a lone 6 year old on a a busy street a long way from home, with no-one keeping an eye. Not normal.

As I said up thread in some contexts and with some kids I would be concerned. It is all about where you are, traffic, time of day, age of kids, how long they are out for, whether an adult is keeping an eye and so on and so on.

When mine were that age, it would be a big group of about ten kids from about 6-12 on the field behind the houses. So- they were never alone, they looked out for each other, and they were in sight if adults most of the time.

People moaning about kids being anxious and lacking independence- they need this time in groups outside the house to learn independence, think of games, learn how to behave in groups outside of regulated school hours.

Obviously, letting a small child out alone is not good- but most streets have a group of kids who play together.

I dont live in the UK anymore, but where I am now its the norm. They also walk to school etc. cars not allowed. The veryy little ones (4/5) are walked to school by the parents, but when mine started prep at 4 i walked them maybe the first semester. Afterwards they walk with friends. I used to always play out as a child and mine get to do the same now. My kids have a kid watch now though, so they could call me and i can see where they are. Have never actually used it to find them so far though.

I could imagine in the UK it really depends on your area. Kids of my friends back there also play out. They live rurally.

But until OP provides context, all we can do is give our opinions, and of course everyone is going to think differently.

It's totally normal where I live, Scottish council estate. My older kids played out in our street when we lived in England, 10 years ago. My younger kids 10,7,3 play out the front of my house , obviously I'm there if the 3 Yr old is out. Yesterday I saw one of my neighbours kids go under a metal barrier and dart across the big road at the top of our street! Aged about 8. My 12 year old is allowed out and about with friends but only since last yr

YABU to put a blanket statement out that you just don't agree with it. I think it depends on each specific scenario.

In a central city location then absolutely not, in a rural one where your garden backs on to the park they are playing in then fine (this is our situation).

My DC love to play out with their friends, they are running about in the fresh air, learning how to navigate friendships. They choose to do that rather than being in front of screens and being online which is much healthier IMO. We are very lucky where we live, all the parents look out for the kids etc. They have to come back and check in at regular intervals and are only allowed to the park not freely roaming where they like.

You have to do what feels right as a parent in every situation and go with your instincts of what is right for your child/how responsible they are.

Not normal around here at all (northern England). I would never let my 6 year old play outside of our garden or go off with her friends on her own and I don’t see groups under 11 doing it either. We’re in a semi- rural village.

Statistically children are much safer from predators being out and about than they are indoors and out of sight.

But facts are so boring.

I think it completely depends where, and also the situation.

We have a small park-like area across the road on our street and I'd let my kids (7-11) play there unsupervised. We don't have a lot of traffic and the street is quiet enough for them to be safe but also busy enough for them to be safe, if you see what I mean!

I'd allow 11 to go to the actual park (further away) and further afield (to a friend's nearby) and possibly 9, but not 7.

This is London, Z2, for context.

Women also get attacked on the street
Maybe we should have a male escort at all times

I'd let my daughter play out on our street a lot more if the bloody idiot next door didn't fly down our single track, unadopted road at 50mph. That said there aren't any other kids her age on our street.

It depends so much on the age of the child, the community, who they're with etc. I did feel concerned last night when I saw a child aged 5 or 6 sitting at the side of the road playing on a tablet. I asked if he was ok and he said he was alright, and he lived on a neighbouring road - but maybe this is perfectly normal and I'm the odd one!

Yabu.

she has given plenty of context for people to comment on.
She asked about kids aged 6/7/8/9 and everyone has commented on the suitablilty of 6 compared to 9 (and with the odd exception, most think 6 too young and 9 is fine)
She said they were out for hours and hours
people have commented on the amoutn of supervision/ length of time that they think is normal.
She said they had no phone (which most of us have not commented on interestingly)
She said they were going to park/shops etc and most people have commented on if the kids they know who play out are allowed beyond their street to park etc.

So I think OP has had plenty of feedback that can help her make a decsion as to whether this playing out that she is observing falls within what most of us thought was normal.

👏 👏 👏

I live on a new build estate and I regularly come home to a small child in the road so I just make sure I go really slow. It seems to be the older kids watch the younger ones but the older ones aren't much older.

I think being on the estate gives parents a sense of security but take away/taxi drivers do tend to sometimes race up and around the corner so I hope there's no accidents.

I sometimes think that some people are short sighted, when it comes to long term and societal consequences of encouraging certain behaviour .

I understand the whole " it takes a village " mentality, but it seems we have taken this saying and distorted it.
Where it once meant that people actually were involved in other people's lives, relatives, neighbours, people in the community, physically showing up and helping bring up our children, has now seemingly become, at least on mumsnet, a case of people informing authorities when a parent "parents" in a different way.

Your post centres "playing out". It doesn't lead with violence or abuse or any other particularly worrying issue that would make someone take notice about a child's welfare. You say that there are other issues. Well if the other issues warrant intervention, lead with those.

Playing out relatively young can also be a parenting choice. I'm not saying it's always decided upon with thought, but it often is. I way up what I think is beneficial to my child in the short and long term, look at the statistics, and make my rules.

It's funny how we tend to be so worried about types of behaviour that lower working class families, or families that live in rural communities adopt. Parents send their children to forest schools, but wouldn't let their kids play out and build dens in a wood. Parents in towns and cities are so keen on getting swimming lessons, but god forbid a child sets foot in a river or a lake to swim. Or is it for if they fall into a canal while drunk at University.

People don't tend to worry about the risk to young elite gymnasts or ballet dancers that are training away their childhood, or much worse, at 8 years old. We don't call social services on their parents for putting their children at risk of abuse or developing eating orders later in life. The chance of becoming "someone" is somehow deemed worth it.
When children are hot housed into high performing schools and then struggle, we probably think poor kids, but we won't be informing anyone.
Somehow it's things like "my child's friends has stained clothes and I know for a fact she hasn't had her hair washed in 4 days! " that make people immediately think they are saving a life.

It's funny to think about now (or worrying - choose which adjective suits best) but, when I was younger (over 35 years ago), my friends and I would scamper off happily into the woods / onto the moors at age 10. Younger than that, we would go off to the park (it was just down the road and I would've been about 4). My parents were busy working and it was the "norm" for young children to be off out and about. We lived very rurally (really into the sticks) so we thought we were safe, because no one really came that far if they didn't live out there!

I'm now mum to two DC and my eldest (DS aged 10) goes out and about with his friends. As long as I know where he is and he has someone with him, I don't mind - we are still fairly rural and kids need independence. We can't molly coddle them. My DS takes my mobile which has a tracker on and I set an alarm for when he needs to be home.

As long as the child is responsible, then they need that independence. Obviously, I think 6 years old is too little to be off galivanting around alone though!

Lol sorry but "let kids interact with pedos so they realise they are bad" is hands down the worst argument for unsupervised play I have ever heard.

I'm not comfortable with my DC aged 7 and 5 being out alone because while I fully trust them to go to the nice park behind our quiet street, it's the variables they are not equipped to deal with on their own and at this age, nor should they in my opinion.

I would quite like to let them go to the park alone when they are 8 and 10 so they can begin building the independence required for the jump to secondary school.

I do agree that over planning DC's lives can be detrimental and mine atm only do one weekly activity. Otherwise it is pottering around and taking them out to play. I don't see how at this age me being on the park bench reading a book is too detrimental to their independence. I let them crack on unless someone's hurt themselves or got upset.

It depends on the area and where they are surely? My 5 year old doesn’t go out unsupervised but here kids over 7 are often out playing together and walking around the estate. They all appear to be safer than my DD who was being groomed online last year anyway!

Not all kids are streetsmart - I know of someone who had a life changing injury as they had to swerve to avoid hitting kids playing in the road. This was in a nice quiet rural area and they were observing the speed limit. A lack of common sense on the kids part literally ruined this person's life. Just because you don't hear about these incidents doesn't mean they aren't happening.

The thing is, it’s very easy to picture bad things happening if children play out unsupervised — weirdos, bullies, cars — but it’s harder to picture the bad things that happen if they aren’t allowed. What happens to a child who is only allowed to be fully supervised at all times? Physical, social and emotional development? Harder to picture these abstract things but just as concerning. You have to find a balance.

There’s a big difference between a 6 year old and a 9 year old. I think 6 is a bit young. 9 is fine if they’re out with friends together, and not far from the house. By 11 I had complete free rein, I used to catch trains to neighbouring towns/city and spend the day visiting friends from school. It was good for me looking back but I dread having to make these decisions about my own DC when they’re that age - i can see how plonking them on screens and keeping them inside is easier, but it’s so important they learn independence.