Grey hair really getting me down

[Whowahway123]

ok, I know it’s pure vanity and grand scheme of things 1st world problem but I cannot explain how much having my hair like makes me feel so embarrassed.

im turning 40 in a couple of weeks and recently had a few major life changes so everything feels very ‘a lot’ at the minute.

This picture shows 6weeks hair growth. Usual appointment costs £90 without cutting just to blend roots & a few highlights. I cannot afford this due to COL and I have an inkling my hairdresser is going to put her rates up, which I totally understand.

how can I mentally let go of worrying about having grey hair? How can I embrace it?
I’ve looked online and seen some really funky grey styles, but I’m definitely not ‘funky’ enough to carry them off.

Aibu for being so vain it actually has made me cancel plans for this weekend because of it?

I know I am, but please tell me some positive grey hair late 30s / early 40s stories. Thanks

sorry OP but your hair colour does not look worth £90.

A good hairdresser should marry your natural colour in with your colour so the regrowth isn’t as harsh. For example are the dark bits dye or your natural colour? Your highlights should be brighter so the grey doesn’t grow out as stark. You don’t have to go grey and there are more low maintenance colour options out there.

Find a new hairdresser who’s more skilled in what you need.

My salon can mix up some of the colour for you to take home, in the form of a conditioner. It’s this:

https://www.evohair.com/pro/hair-colouring/fab-pro/

Embrace it! I started going grey in my mid twenties and by 37 I’d had enough of having to dye it every 2 weeks. So I decided to embrace it. I got my hair highlighted regularly until it was as close to white blonde as I could get it (this took maybe 18 months with it getting lighter each time). And then once I’d reached that point it became very low maintenance. You can’t really tell if my hair is blonde, or silver, or grey, because it’s a mixture of them all! Now I just have a few highlights put in maybe every 10 months or so, just because the back is still darker than the front and it evens it all out. Photo of my Barnet for reference.

Unless you're happy to go grey at 40, use a box dye from the chemist. It'll cost you around £7-10 a month and only takes about half an hour to do. £90 for a hairdresser just to top up your colour sounds impossible to me. One tip: box colours always seem to come out a lot darker than they look on the box photo, so choose a shade at least one lighter than what you're aiming for. Judging by your photo, I'd go for light brown.

Sorry should have said - hairdresser won’t touch my hair if I box dye in between, root touch up or anything else

I agree with the pp advice to find a new hairdresser.

Just get a decent box dye. No one else notices anyway!

I can't use hair dye any more due to a recent allergic reaction so I now wear wigs. They are easy,(I don't bother with caps etc I just use a suede head band underneath) I never have a bad hair day and I can change the colour everyday if I want. Cheaper than salon visits too.

Another person here who has embraced the grey and so happy with it. My hair is miles better quality than before. The trouble with going to a hairdresser to cover it up is that you’re always chasing your tail with it, I think you only have between 1-4 weeks before you can only focus on needing it doing again.

I’d suggest finding a new hairdresser to cut it, and then box dye at home. My hairdresser doesn’t give two hoots if I box dye, as I did until about a year ago.

I’m now growing out my greys and massively embracing it as a woman I work with looks bloody amazing with hers. Inspiration!

If you want to grow out but hate the in between stage, there are plenty of YouTube videos showing people dying just the top layer then in 18 months you change your parting and voila you have gone grey!

Find a cheaper salon. My stylist charges £35 for roots colour and blowdry, I go every 3 weeks as soon as I see the sparkles.

Embraced the grey over lockdown. After a lifetime- since age 17 ffs - of fighting it. It is liberating. Purple shampoo every now and then perks it up.

Yes. They use exactly the same stuff as you buy in the boxes. There is no special hair dye formulation available only to hairdressers.

Another vote for box dye and also change hairdresser, yours sounds way too bossy for my liking.

I am truly baffled at the way that people get everything done professionally these days. When I was in my 20s, 30s, 40s none of my friends would even consider paying someone else to paint their nails or dye their hair. We paid to get our hair cut, and one of my richer friends paid to get her legs waxed, but apart from that we did it ourselves. We applied fake tan, we painted our nails, we dyed our hair, even did our own highlights if necessary. It cost a fraction of the price and we looked fine. So if I were you OP, I’d just dye your hair yourself, no one will know the difference, because no one else notices.,

I think you need to go more ash, as the colour of the dyed hair is too warm when contrasted with your roots. So either have some ash brown lowlights, and an ashy toner all over, or dye at home all over using semi permanent in something like dark ash blonde.

I'm a similar natural colour as you. I switched to Belle Color dark ash blonde, usually about£4 a box. My Greys are a bit of a bonus because they cause a high light effect. I've saved a fortune and freed up a fair bit of time. I notice on a lot of 'embrace the grey' forums the women have smooth skin, or are under 40. Post 50 grey is ageing unless your skin tone really suits it.

Grey hair can look truly beautiful, on all ages. This silly stigma about you looking much older if you have grey hair is outdated, just look at silver sisters on Instagram etc, the key to looking good with any hair colour is a good cut and a up to date style

I'm pushing 50. If my grey hair 'ages' me it is because I'm 50!

Personally I think there is nothing more aging than someone who is rocking a solid dark dyed do way past the age most people are greying naturally.

Maybe silver sisters have actual silver hair or that attractive salt and pepper you can get with dark hair. My randomly grey, mousy hair would look attractive on nobody.

I’m not a vain person in general. I’ve never had my eyebrows or nails done professionally or worn false eyelashes. Or do however draw the line at looking ill and tired because of my hair (not saying all women look awful with grey hair).

Go to a salon supplies store and you can buy the same dye they use in the hairdressers.
It's not that much more expensive than box dye. You buy the tube of colour and the bottle of developer separately and the developer will last for a lot of uses.

I would get a dark blonde (around a 7.0) rather than a light brown. My hair is slightly darker than yours and dark blonde was a perfect match.

Sorry I meant to say something that was in the 7 family, it doesn't have to be 7.0.

There's a simple solution to that - find another hairdresser! Why would you let yourself be dictated to by someone you are paying for a service?

I grew my silver out at 47 as I was fed up of dyeing it every week. My natural colour was dark brown and by 40 I was really grey.

I'm 49 now and love it. It's silver white and I don't feel it ages me.

I read about a link between early grey and low B12 so for those finding grey at a seemingly young age (whatever that might be is probably anyone's guess and will vary within families) it might be worth checking levels. Hairdresser found several grey's in DD's hair at 16 and given she has some low B12 history and other symptoms when I read about the link it struck a chord.

Ditto @Aslanplustwo! I started going grey at 17 and I always return to self colouring as cheaper and salon never gets it right. Right now I'm using Castings (temporary hair colour) as trying to be kinder to my hair.
You look fab @Silverparting but I would look like a frump as I don't have the figure to carry off the clothes to complete the look.

Your hair is gorgeous @Silverparting, and no, it most certainly doesn't age you.

You look incredible @Silverparting and so lucky it went such an amazing shade 😍