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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband with seizures having children

88 replies

PPSWife · 10/05/2023 14:51

Hi,

My husband is looking to move out as he’s having a breakdown and is suffering from severe anxiety and depression (for which he refuses to get help) In recent weeks he has started having seizures when talking about or dealing with particularly difficult issues. He denies that they are seizures and thinks it’s just fainting but I have seen his eyes roll back, body convulsing etc. He wants to have the children (4 and 3 year old) 50/50 but I don’t know if this is a good idea. Last night when he had a seizure my eldest was clearly very concerned and he also woke up screaming at night which he never does. I don’t want to keep his children from him but I also don’t know if they should be around him. He thinks having his own space will stop the “blackouts” but I don’t believe that. AIBU?

OP posts:
Bearpawk · 10/05/2023 14:59

No I wouldn't leave him alone with young children If he's frequently having seizures. In fact if he carried on denying it ifs film the next one and play it back him.

Bibittybobittyboop · 10/05/2023 15:01

Does your DH have a history of epilepsy or are the seizures recent? Either or, their presence is extremely worrying. Your DH needs to go to a doctor ASAP.

To answer your question about having the children, absolutely not.

Original poster
PPSWife · 10/05/2023 15:01

@Bearpawk Yes I’ve realised I need to do that. It’s so stressful in the moment but I need to realise he will come out off it and make sure I get in on camera.

OP posts:
Original poster
PPSWife · 10/05/2023 15:02

@Bibittybobittyboop No history off it. Only started during this breakdown. He won’t see a doctor.

OP posts:
herringboner · 10/05/2023 15:03

It's possible he is having psychogenic seizures if they're linked with stress.

I hope to god he isn't driving. If he's caught driving and hasn't reported seizures to the DVLA (or faints for that matter) he can get prosecuted.

Original poster
PPSWife · 10/05/2023 15:08

@herringboner Yes I think they’re psychogenic seizures. He does drive to the shops every day to buy his drinks. He’s a high functioning alcoholic ie never seems drunk despite having a lot.

OP posts:
herringboner · 10/05/2023 15:12

PPSWife · 10/05/2023 15:08

@herringboner Yes I think they’re psychogenic seizures. He does drive to the shops every day to buy his drinks. He’s a high functioning alcoholic ie never seems drunk despite having a lot.

If he's driving he's an absolute idiot and he could kill someone. What a selfish idiot.

You need to report him. This is just as bad as drink driving. If he has a seizure behind the wheel he could kill a family. If he doesn't put a stop to it, you absolutely need to. Please do something about this before it's too late.

Rowthe · 10/05/2023 15:12

So hes having 'seizures' but wont get checked out for this.

Is a functioning alcoholic.
Is driving and hasnt informed the DVLA of the seizures and wants care of young kids?

Hes having a laff

Whatabouteverything · 10/05/2023 15:13

PPSWife · 10/05/2023 15:08

@herringboner Yes I think they’re psychogenic seizures. He does drive to the shops every day to buy his drinks. He’s a high functioning alcoholic ie never seems drunk despite having a lot.

Fucking hell. Report him!!!

The seizures are the least of the reasons you shouldn't let your tiny children be around him. Report him to the police for drink driving and Report him to the DVLA for driving whilst having seizures.

HJ40 · 10/05/2023 15:16

FFS he's drinking as well as having seizures and driving. PLEASE report him to the DVLA before he kills someone. And take the bloody car keys away in the mean time. It will be shit but far less shit than the guilt of you don't and the worst happens.

Original poster
PPSWife · 10/05/2023 15:17

No he’s not drink driving! He goes to the shop in the afternoon to buy alcohol and then doesn’t drive for the rest of the day!

OP posts:
M340 · 10/05/2023 15:18

You have a responsibility here to report him before he kills someone. If you knowingly let him drive around knowing he's having seizures or faints (either he needs to stop it says on DVLA website) then you are just as bad as him.

Please report the fucker. Do it today. Do not enable his behaviour before he kills someone.
Best of luck OP. You know what you need to do. For the safety of him, your children, you, and the potential others he could kill.

Whatabouteverything · 10/05/2023 15:19

PPSWife · 10/05/2023 15:17

No he’s not drink driving! He goes to the shop in the afternoon to buy alcohol and then doesn’t drive for the rest of the day!

Oh well that's ok then, just driving whilst having regular seizures. Got it 👍 that's absolutely fine then.

Report him.

Let him leave. Bin him off, get full custody and keep your kids safe. If he won't seek help and is an alcoholic your children don't need him in their lives.

herringboner · 10/05/2023 15:20

PPSWife · 10/05/2023 15:17

No he’s not drink driving! He goes to the shop in the afternoon to buy alcohol and then doesn’t drive for the rest of the day!

It doesn't matter if he's not drunk driving.

By law, he is not allowed to drive until he is seizure free for a certain time. Him driving and not declaring them OR the faints whatever they are, can invalidate his license and he is breaking the law.

Why are you with him? He sounds like an arsehole.. a functioning alcoholic who wants to be irresponsible with his children who willingly drives around risking the lives of others and refuses to get medical help? What a catch..

DiscoBeat · 10/05/2023 15:21

I would tell him to contact the DVLA and declare it - do it yourself if he won't.
And until he's checked out s as bd possibly got medication it dojos big be safe to be alone looking after young children. He needs to agree to this and to medical help otherwise I'm afraid for their safety I would be contacting his GP and finding out how to make sure you have them 100% of the time - they see him with you too.

DiscoBeat · 10/05/2023 15:22

Sorry about all the typos my dog is on my lap!

SpringingSpring · 10/05/2023 15:23

Tell him he can have the kids once you’ve been to the GP together & discussed his seizures, until then he can’t have the kids alone.

herringboner · 10/05/2023 15:24

SpringingSpring · 10/05/2023 15:23

Tell him he can have the kids once you’ve been to the GP together & discussed his seizures, until then he can’t have the kids alone.

Or until he's declared it to the DVLA and stopped driving

HJ40 · 10/05/2023 15:25

Oh right, sorry, not drinking and driving. Just currently having frequent seizures and driving. So that's ok then???

Original poster
PPSWife · 10/05/2023 15:29

I can report him but he will just deny it and claim I’m a liar so not sure what will happen then

OP posts:
pontipinemum · 10/05/2023 15:30

People are jumping down your throat here! No, I wouldn't leave him alone with the children. Tell him he needs to see a GP and get sorted.

I doubt he will, he wants to move out and stick his head deeper into the sand about anything being wrong. Clear there is a lot going wrong right now with him.

The seizures are very probably linked to the drinking.

herringboner · 10/05/2023 15:31

PPSWife · 10/05/2023 15:29

I can report him but he will just deny it and claim I’m a liar so not sure what will happen then

Well when he next has a seizure, video him. Threaten him with sending it to the DVLA and his GP. You HAVE to put a stop to his shitty behaviour and his driving. It shouldn't be you doing it as he's a grown arse adult but he hasn't got an ounce of common sense in him.

Why are you with him? He sounds like a total looser if im being honest.

pontipinemum · 10/05/2023 15:31

PPSWife · 10/05/2023 15:29

I can report him but he will just deny it and claim I’m a liar so not sure what will happen then

Exactly, if he hasn't been diagnosed as having seizures (since he won't go to the GP) and if he isn't drunk when he drives there isn't really a whole lot the police/ anyone can do. I would seriously encourage him not to drive though.

Crunchingleaf · 10/05/2023 15:32

OP you have to protect your children here. Be clear with him he needs medical attention for seizures and he isn’t allowed to drive. Get the seizure on camera. At least if he continues to deny the seizures are happening and pushes for 50:50 you have proof of what you’re saying.
He should not be driving or have the children under his some care right now.

Original poster
PPSWife · 10/05/2023 15:34

@pontipinemum Yes that makes sense. I have tried to encourage him to see a doctor but no luck. I’m not going to have any luck with getting him not to drive either I know. I think I really need to get in on camera.

OP posts: