Husband with seizures having children

[PPSWife]

Hi,

My husband is looking to move out as he’s having a breakdown and is suffering from severe anxiety and depression (for which he refuses to get help) In recent weeks he has started having seizures when talking about or dealing with particularly difficult issues. He denies that they are seizures and thinks it’s just fainting but I have seen his eyes roll back, body convulsing etc. He wants to have the children (4 and 3 year old) 50/50 but I don’t know if this is a good idea. Last night when he had a seizure my eldest was clearly very concerned and he also woke up screaming at night which he never does. I don’t want to keep his children from him but I also don’t know if they should be around him. He thinks having his own space will stop the “blackouts” but I don’t believe that. AIBU?

@CatChase I think they are trauma related. I spoke to a psychologist and it seems like he could be going through an identity crisis related to his trauma. The two times I have seen them both times he was talking about certain issues he has with his parents in the few minutes prior to the seizure.

I’m sorry if your husband spirals but the safety of your children has to come first. It’s a no from me, and take me to court if you suspect they will see it differently

He's having seizures because he's an alcoholic who is clearly prioritising his need for alcohol over you and the kids. Run. As fast as you can.

Sounds like NEADS, Non epileptic attack disorder. It can be brought on by stress. I had it many years ago, I thought I had epilepsy which obviously added more stress so I had an eeg which showed it wasn’t epilepsy. Then I had a chat with the doc who explained neads, once i understood it, I only ever had one other episode. He needs to go to the doctor.

It doesn’t matter if the seizures are epileptic or not. The fact is that he would not be able to control a car whilst driving, even if he was sober. ANY seizures need to be investigated before you drive again.

Epileptics are more likely to have non epileptic seizures too. The epileptic ones my Dd has last about a minute. The non epileptic ones can go on for 20 minutes. Stress brings them both out.

Please stop him from driving.

@Changeling78 Yes that’s what it seems like to me. I can see what the triggers are. Did the end of yours coincide with the end of your stress?

You need to speak to the dvla, you know you do. Maybe then he will take you seriously.
They will tell him he has to see a consultant or give up his licence. And it will be suspended until he does.
Don't be complicit and put your children at risk.

I wouldn’t leave children with a high functioning alcoholic, regardless of the seizures. You have to protect your kids.

@PPSWife

yes he will be drink driving, if he is a functioning alcoholic he will be drinking a lot, it will still be in his system when he drives the nextday

with the seizures as well you must report him he could kill someone

If he's an alcoholic surely he's still over the limit when he goes out to buy his daily drinks. Pretty sure if someone has had a skinful the previous night they're not fit to drive in the morning.

So are you going to call the DVLA then OP?

He is putting people's lives at risk every single time he gets behind the wheel of the car since he's had unexplained seizures recently.

As I said upthread, dangerous drivers ruin people's lives. He is driving dangerously by getting behind the wheel without his seizures having been explored.

My life was shattered and will never be the same again thanks to people like your husband who drive when they are not safe to.

He could easily have a seizure behind the wheel.

That's even ignoring the potential drink driving if he may also be over the limit.

What a selfish man he is. He might not be driving with your children in the car but he's putting the general public's lives at risk by driving when he has ongoing, untreated seizures.

And you know that's what he's doing, so you have an obligation to report it IMO.

I can't see that this has already been asked - how much and how often does he drink OP?

You must report him to the DVLA and the police.

Since you spoke with a psychologist about these seizures then if he has a car crash/uses the car and gets reported you two are both in a difficult position legally.

Errr. No she's not.

Are you going to report OP?

As an epileptic myself I came on to comment that these responses were extremely harsh.
Epilepsy is nothing to be ashamed of. It doesn't affect my abilities as a parent. It is a medical condition and I would argue with anyone who tried to take my children away because of something I have no control over.

However, this is something else. Clearly alcohol is an issue.
That would need resolving before I let my children go for any kind of contact.

I will say that you mention his seizures seem to be triggered my extreme conversations or emotions - if things have not been good then it's possible this is triggering him.
I would consider supervised contact with a family or friend and see how it moves forwards.

That's not to say this might not happen again under times of stress in his life and of course it's something to watch out for.

The man should be supported if he potentially has a seizure causing condition.
But of course, that depends on the booze situation.

Also, just for clarity I drive, I manage my condition without medication, my children are wonderful and healthy and I have been fit free since 2023

2007. Not 2023 - that would be ridiculous

Hell would freeze over before he had my kids in his sole care. Him sitting there drinking and having seizures with my babies vulnerable and alone.
Having a seizure while driving with them in the car!
Fuck no.

Children should never be in the care of an alcoholic.

If he wants to see his kids at all, he needs to stop drinking for ever.

This is no grey area here.

I'm epileptic, sounds like hes having stress related seizures with no auras before hand if hes bot 'recognosing' the seizure. I rarely have auras and it can be extremely stressful and unnerving not knowing what's happen so maybe hes in denial 🤷🏻‍♀️

In 13 years I've seen numerous doctors and numerous hospitals, tried numerous medications and still nothing has stopped them. My advise is record all seizures, write down what he was doing/ happening before each seizure and how long it takes for him to recover.
My children have seen me convulse and yes it's scary but my 10yr old wants to become a brain doctor and make medication that actually works so hopefully there will be some positives out of all of this distress.

epilepsy will explain both the seizures and difficulty managing emotional health

You should inform his doctor and the DVLA he is having seizures.

Its not safe for the children to be alone in his care (or in a car with him).

Not necessarily (although possible). Given OP says they seem to be brought on by high levels of stress / distress I'd be questioning Non-Epileptic Attack Disorder (NEAD). Not sure if it's still called that mind, the label seems to change every few years!