Husband with seizures having children

[PPSWife]

Hi,

My husband is looking to move out as he’s having a breakdown and is suffering from severe anxiety and depression (for which he refuses to get help) In recent weeks he has started having seizures when talking about or dealing with particularly difficult issues. He denies that they are seizures and thinks it’s just fainting but I have seen his eyes roll back, body convulsing etc. He wants to have the children (4 and 3 year old) 50/50 but I don’t know if this is a good idea. Last night when he had a seizure my eldest was clearly very concerned and he also woke up screaming at night which he never does. I don’t want to keep his children from him but I also don’t know if they should be around him. He thinks having his own space will stop the “blackouts” but I don’t believe that. AIBU?

The psychologist wouldn't be. OP's DH isn't the client. All they can do is advise that the DH reports to the DVLA.

No, you definitely should not let your alcoholic, husband who is having seizures, in sole charge of your children.
He is clearly to arrogant/ lacking judgement to make the right decision here, so you have to.

I would start the process now, otherwise you’ll have no leg to stand on when he moves out

Not one person has said anything about epilepsy being shameful. Where have you read that?

What is shameful is getting in a car risking KILLING somebody or his own children being in total denial about his seizures and not being responsible enough to go to the GP. Seizures you will know can be life threatening and can leave his kids fatherless if these are serious seizures. That on top of being an alcoholic and still driving, is shameful.

The shame has nothing to do with the OPs husbands hypothetical epilepsy diagnosis.

He MUST see a doctor - mood changes and seizures - he could have a tumour or it could be psychogenic or a number of other things, but until it is investigated no-one will know. Seeing a doctor is the priority - he will not be cured by leaving and having "space" - he needs medical input to exclude serious illness. I used to work in a brain injury service and these sort of behaviours and fits were common.

As to the children - no he cannot have sole charge of them until it is established that he is fit to do so. You will have a fight on your hands but it is one you must engage with to protect your children.

As to the driving - what can I say? You know what you must do.

I am so sorry that you are having to face all this.

He's adamant that living alone would change things. Could you afford an Airbnb for a week for him (car-free and local) so he can test out his hypothesis? Without having the kids stay there with him. It might show him that his problems wouldn't magically resolve under a different roof.

@herringboner - I have said that as a parent with epilepsy I personally don't think that's a reasonable excuse to have your children taken away. Because that's what a lot of this thread has indicated.

I have also said that I initially came onto the thread to say I didn't think that was fair. However, i rethought and I think the alcohol needs addressing as a priority and I wouldn't let my children go under those circumstances.
I would also expect full supervision & hopefully medical support to move forwards.

The OP has said that her DH seems to be triggered under stressful circumstances and maybe that's something to look at medically.
But I don't agree with people braying for someone to never see their child again for a potential medical reason.

You don't need to preach to me about the safety of seizures (hypothetically epileptic or otherwise) - I live them.

@WhatDidiJust

I have said that as a parent with epilepsy I personally don't think that's a reasonable excuse to have your children taken away. Because that's what a lot of this thread has indicated.

I also have epilepsy.

Where has anyone indicated that?

I haven't seen anyone even vaguely imply that someone should have their children taken away / no access to their kids just because they have epilepsy.

People have said that someone with unexplained, uncontrolled seizures shouldn't be in sole charge of a child while those seizures are still unexplained and uncontrolled.

As someone with epilepsy, and therefore someone who like you understands it more than most, I absolutely agree with that.

If my medication started failing and my seizures suddenly started up again unpredictably and uncontrolled, it wouldn't be safe for me to be in sole charge of a small child until my seizures were predictable and controlled again.

That's not a value judgement on me as a parent, it's a safeguarding measure for my child.

I think you're projecting some misguided / ignorant assumptions people may have had about epilepsy elsewhere onto this thread, where nobody has said what you've suggested they have - that epilepsy is a reason to take children away from someone. Nobody has said that.

I'm extremely concerned the OP is steadfastly refusing to comment on the pleas to remove his car keys.

I wouldn't let him have them on two counts - seizures and alcohol use.
Take a video of the next seizure. Seek urgent legal support.

@PPSWife the stress was still there, my dad had been diagnosed with Cancer and I tend to bottle things up. I had to change the way I dealt with the stress/worries. Plus, when I was told that it wasn’t epilepsy, that also lightened the load. Now, I was perfectly fine to parent but I did stop driving temporarily, no I didn’t tell the DVLA, I just stopped. He is drinking, most likely as he thinks it helps him de stress but we all know that is a myth and his stress/worries/tension is now showing itself through NEADS.

Oh shit.
Seizures could be related to his alcoholism.
No, he really can’t have the children to stay—- put together his mental health, alcoholism and seizures and the risk of harm to your children is high.
Get some support for you, start with your GP, health visitor, SS if necessary — you need his seizures and refusal of medical care documented. Can you video his seizures? ( sounds horrible but might help ultimately in getting help for him)

I'm not preaching 😂 I suffer from non-epileptic, non-psychogenic seizures.

Whether you've got the impression that anyones shaming because of someone IRL or another thread I don't know.

But it's pretty unanimous from people who suffer from seizures and people who don't, that the OPs husband is a bloody idiot and he shouldn't have the kids in his care. Whether you think that's harsh or not, the guy is an alcoholic driving around refusing to get help. If that's shameful, so be it.

What does he say his plan is for the future if he doesn't want to see a doctor about jt? He can't go on like this forever? Sounds stressful OP and sorry you're having to go through it. I agree with others you need to film it then you have your evidence.