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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how do people afford all these things ?

449 replies

kermitspants · 10/05/2023 12:27

Me & DH have a fairly good/decent income between us. What with the cost of living increases etc and general costs to run a house for 5 of us, we don't/cant afford to have many luxuries. I see FB posts with friends (acquaintances) who:

Were celebrating the coronation at home with Fortnum & Mason champagne & hamper

Purchased a brand new landrover as a gift for their wife for Christmas

Brought their DC a brand new car for their 18th

Pop up marquees in the garden with the biggest TV screen for friends to come over and watch England playing

Christmas and the gifts are ££££££ with some people taking the DC to lapland (in addition of the summer holiday they had) and buying top of the range gifts/food/hampers

Have the biggest Christmas trees (ours is usually around 5 foot and costs around £50 (real tree) which I thought was a hell of a lot of money for a tree). Goodness knows how much the bigger trees cost

New York trips for Christmas

My 'luxury' for Christmas food was a posh bottle of M&S prosecco for the table along side Tesco food. I splashed out on a £14 posh bottle of fizz for the coronation, and that was pushing the boat out.

Am I missing something here ????

NB - those who think I am jealous, need not reply.

OP posts:
DanceMonster · 10/05/2023 12:40

Oh and our 7 foot Christmas tree usually costs around £65, so about £15 more than yours. If you didn’t have the £14 bottle of Prosecco you could have a bigger tree 😁. Maybe I spend £15 less on our annual family holiday than you do, and that’s what I put towards my tree?

Dixiechickonhols · 10/05/2023 12:40

No mortgage due to age or inheritance means much more disposable income.

readbooksdrinktea · 10/05/2023 12:41

DanceMonster · 10/05/2023 12:37

They have more money than you.

This. Or they live on credit.

Regardless, these threads are so pointless. So someone like me, your F&M hamper is a luxury. It's all relative.

Jellycatspyjamas · 10/05/2023 12:41

They’re all on benefits, bought their marquee right after their wide screen tv and their goat.

1offnamechange · 10/05/2023 12:42

As others have said - search any of the hundreds of threads asking the same question (they are literally listed below under "similar threads") if you cant work out what is fairly obvious
I.e.
They have more disposable income than you (whether that is due to inheritance, higher wages, lower or non existent debts including student loans, won the lottery, whatever. A fairly small "difference" between families, such as being a year or two older so having drastically lower student loan debt or being in a ppsition to buy a home just before a property boom rather than after it, or local family happy to babysit, or having 2 kids rather than 3, or doing the same job as a private contractor rather than in the public sector can make a difference of tens of thousands)
And
They have different financial priorities than you (again whether that's a "put everything on credit/YOLO" philosophy or just that you only see the things they do spend money on, not the things they don't )

jenandberrys · 10/05/2023 12:42

ShanghaiDiva · 10/05/2023 12:34

It’s really straightforward: they have more money than you. No great mystery.

This. How can people start these threads in all seriousness

Original poster
kermitspants · 10/05/2023 12:43

@BHRK £14 is a lot of money for a bottle of drink which will only last an hour or so - if shared - at best and then it's gone. I'm a £6 bottle of Co-op wine drinker ! Maybe I am just a tight-arse with money !

@kitsuneghost These are all different families on FB

@DannyZukosSmile too right ! 'jel' posters plse leave the room

OP posts:
Billblight · 10/05/2023 12:44

People spend money on different things. For instance only one in 5 of self employed people have a pension.

VestaTilley · 10/05/2023 12:44

Big salaries, inheritances, mortgages paid off, not saving, different priorities. Drug dealers 😂 only semi joking

I can’t understand those who flash cash so wildly even if they have it, but having grown up with very little I am a saver, and am aware of how much our generation (millennial) needs to save towards retirement. We also have a big mortgage and pay nursery fees, so that’s where our money goes.

A lot on social media is for show; I’d pay no attention, and certainly not let it influence your own behaviour. The people you’ve described will get the shock of their lives when they realise how much monthly care home fees cost.

Wiccan · 10/05/2023 12:44

Simple, they have more money than you . Focus on your life not other people's !

greennotepad · 10/05/2023 12:44

@kermitspants £14 really isn't a lot of money for me personally, I wouldn't think twice about spending that as I have a lot of disposable income. You clearly do think it's a lot, because you have less disposable income. Do you see now why some people can afford more and some less?

Iminthemoneylife · 10/05/2023 12:44

OP is it the same people doing this or lots of different people? My friend was complaining the other day that she can’t afford a holiday but her and her family eat out several times a week which would be at least equal to the cost of holiday. Neither having a holiday or eating out if a better choice of spending, its a personal choice. Many people (not all) do have “fun” money but they spend it in different ways, having another child, children’s activities, holidays, getting nails done, having a cleaner, new cars, keeping up with house trends - these are all luxury spends and people just choose where to spend their money.

CantFindTheBeat · 10/05/2023 12:45

Range Rover is likely to be on finance or leased. Maybe £600
-£700 per month.

My firm gives hampers at Christmas. Maybe some others did for the coronation?

Upanddownthemerrygoround · 10/05/2023 12:46

We have an income that definitely puts us in higher but not crazy earners (£100k+ a year). We have a nice house and easy-ish life facilitated by money eg I pay £30 per week for a cleaner, have meals out or a takeaway 1-2 times a month. I still can’t understand where the new cars and regular holidays abroad come from for some people I know.

But if I unpick it further, I reckon it’s attitude to savings and debt…

FrenchandSaunders · 10/05/2023 12:47

Cringing at your friends putting all that stuff on FB!! They might have more money than you but they don't have any class. Particularly in this climate.

Original poster
kermitspants · 10/05/2023 12:47

@jenandberrys if these people earn more money then they must be earning a hell of a lot. We have a large combined household income, but we still cannot afford to indulge in F&M champers/hampers, brand new landrovers, Christmas trips to NY and I refuse to buy a tree costing more than £50 - but that's personal choice.

OP posts:
Formaddict · 10/05/2023 12:48

I think some people are more comfortable spending money than others. I think it partly comes from your upbringing and how much spare income your parents had.

Your friends might have similar incomes but put less away for a rainy day, or are happier to buy things in instalment plans when others would only feel comfortable buying things outright.

DanceMonster · 10/05/2023 12:48

kermitspants · 10/05/2023 12:47

@jenandberrys if these people earn more money then they must be earning a hell of a lot. We have a large combined household income, but we still cannot afford to indulge in F&M champers/hampers, brand new landrovers, Christmas trips to NY and I refuse to buy a tree costing more than £50 - but that's personal choice.

Then you’ve just answered your own question, people choose to spend their money differently.
What sort of answers are you looking for?

Original poster
kermitspants · 10/05/2023 12:48

Upanddownthemerrygoround · 10/05/2023 12:46

We have an income that definitely puts us in higher but not crazy earners (£100k+ a year). We have a nice house and easy-ish life facilitated by money eg I pay £30 per week for a cleaner, have meals out or a takeaway 1-2 times a month. I still can’t understand where the new cars and regular holidays abroad come from for some people I know.

But if I unpick it further, I reckon it’s attitude to savings and debt…

THIS !!

I could have written this post to the exact word.

OP posts:
Gymrabbit · 10/05/2023 12:48

credit cards mostly and remortgaging.
This is certainly the case for lots of families I know.
Many of them have a live now pay later sort of attitude and will find themselves completely screwed when they are older.

jenandberrys · 10/05/2023 12:49

It’s also about priorities and preferences. I would think nothing at spending 400 pounds on dinner for 2 or buying a 40 pound bottle
of wine but I wouldn’t dream of spending 100s each month on a car.

DanceMonster · 10/05/2023 12:50

kermitspants · 10/05/2023 12:48

THIS !!

I could have written this post to the exact word.

Show quote history

Then what you are looking for is for us to tell you that everyone else is irresponsible with money and has no savings/lots of debt, but you’re sensible and virtuous? Always the same with these threads.

YourUserNameMustBeAtLeast3Characters · 10/05/2023 12:50

What is your household income OP?

Cheeky question but Lots of people earn a lot more than others think. Because we aren’t open about salaries or earnings and it certainly doesn’t get covered in school. There are people with degrees thinking they earn well on £30k because the rest of their family earn minimum wage, not realising that their builder neighbour earns £100k and the neighbour’s IT consultant partner earns £150k.

I don’t think it’s debt because that eventually has to be paid, though if they’ve kept on remortgaging and taken some more of the equity each time they may be in trouble soon.

Other priorities in spending too - eg nothing into pension, no critical illness and life insurance, no savings.

But likelihood is they just earn more than you think and have lower housing cost than you might expect.

CheshireCat1 · 10/05/2023 12:50

There could be loads of reasons, I wouldn’t worry or be interested in what other people spend their money on.

Bobshhh · 10/05/2023 12:51

There seems to be an assumption that being able to spend on nice things must mean you’re up to your eyeballs in debt.

all of my friends live a good life with no spending restrictions and no one has any debt apart from mortgages but equally we’re not mega earners!

Arguably having three children is a lifestyle choice that lots of people wouldn’t be able to afford.