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AIBU?

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Original poster

to ask how do people afford all these things ?

449 replies

kermitspants · 10/05/2023 12:27

Me & DH have a fairly good/decent income between us. What with the cost of living increases etc and general costs to run a house for 5 of us, we don't/cant afford to have many luxuries. I see FB posts with friends (acquaintances) who:

Were celebrating the coronation at home with Fortnum & Mason champagne & hamper

Purchased a brand new landrover as a gift for their wife for Christmas

Brought their DC a brand new car for their 18th

Pop up marquees in the garden with the biggest TV screen for friends to come over and watch England playing

Christmas and the gifts are ££££££ with some people taking the DC to lapland (in addition of the summer holiday they had) and buying top of the range gifts/food/hampers

Have the biggest Christmas trees (ours is usually around 5 foot and costs around £50 (real tree) which I thought was a hell of a lot of money for a tree). Goodness knows how much the bigger trees cost

New York trips for Christmas

My 'luxury' for Christmas food was a posh bottle of M&S prosecco for the table along side Tesco food. I splashed out on a £14 posh bottle of fizz for the coronation, and that was pushing the boat out.

Am I missing something here ????

NB - those who think I am jealous, need not reply.

OP posts:
PinkCherryBlossoms · 10/05/2023 18:41

stayathomer · 10/05/2023 18:36

So is a second child these days. I know many young women who are planning to have one child as it means less outgoings.
I find this really sad if they want more than one. My cousin always said she only wanted one but ended up with two. She said she gave up every luxury in her life, says she hasn’t had a decent haircut, holiday, car or coffee or worn anything other than penny’s clothes since a few years after college but it was worth it

I think it's just an inevitable consequence of younger people as a cohort being financially shafted.

TheShade · 10/05/2023 19:06

DanceMonster · 10/05/2023 17:31

Oh I know it’s not. We’ve used credit sensibly in the past. 0% credit is often a great way of paying for things.
I just meant that on threads like these people are so quick to jump in with ‘they’re all in loads of debt’. That’s not true, and just smacks of sour grapes really.

Show quote history

I mean - I was answering the OPs question, for me personally. No sour grapes about it.
We put some big stuff we want on credit or finance.

Whaevaa · 10/05/2023 19:14

stayathomer · 10/05/2023 18:36

So is a second child these days. I know many young women who are planning to have one child as it means less outgoings.
I find this really sad if they want more than one. My cousin always said she only wanted one but ended up with two. She said she gave up every luxury in her life, says she hasn’t had a decent haircut, holiday, car or coffee or worn anything other than penny’s clothes since a few years after college but it was worth it

Wanted to add that it is quite sad indeed and on top of that the exorbitant childcare cost, almost impossible to have 2 children close together

caringcarer · 10/05/2023 19:17

Cara671244 · 10/05/2023 12:30

Possibly fiance for the cars... some people look like they have loads of money but are actually drowning in debt. Credit cards ect

Yes this.b

frankgu · 10/05/2023 19:29

I know many young women who are planning to have one child as it means less outgoings.

Or no dc, look at the birth rates!

isthisit83 · 10/05/2023 19:34

Husband and I went camping over the weekend with DS and were agog at the number of people with with big expensive cars to tow their caravans. You sort of have in your head that camping is a cheap way to get away but it seems it's not!

Saschka · 10/05/2023 19:36

Some of these things cost more than others. A F&M coronation hamper is £140 - same as a “nice” meal out for two with a bottle of wine and a taxi home.

Holidays, some people spend more on holidays than other people, it just depends on what your value. We spend a fair amount on trips, but I never go out to the pub, never go to the cinema, don’t socialise much, don’t run a car.

I agree buying a Range Rover is a big expense, I assume that family just has more money than you. Either earned or inherited.

DanceMonster · 10/05/2023 19:38

TheShade · 10/05/2023 19:06

I mean - I was answering the OPs question, for me personally. No sour grapes about it.
We put some big stuff we want on credit or finance.

Show quote history

Fab, so when I said ‘people’, that obviously didn’t apply to you 👍

Bucketheadbucketbum · 10/05/2023 19:47

Generational wealth

The big inequality

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 10/05/2023 19:53

Some low paid jobs are low paid because they're interesting or desirable, so there's lots of competition and people aren't doing them for the money. And that can be an option if they have another income...either a passive one, well earning spouse or whatever. It can explain how people in low paid jobs might still have expensive lifestyles.

BillyNoM8s · 10/05/2023 19:55

They earn lots, they take on debt, they have parents who gift them money, inheritance, lottery win, redundancy payout, work bonus, been saving for years... all the usual answers.

HarrietStyles · 10/05/2023 19:57

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 10/05/2023 18:38

How do you know that?

Show quote history

It’s a shocking concept I know, but we speak to each other.

Scottishskifun · 10/05/2023 20:01

I find it easier not to compare or "keep up with the Jones"!

Many people do use credit for things.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 10/05/2023 20:04

Yerroblemom1923 · 10/05/2023 17:30

A lot of it isn't real, OP. Cars on finance, holidays on credit card, loans etc etc lots of debt all just "for the 'gram" . I certainly don't envy them, it's not true happiness.

Or maybe they're just sensible with their money? Or earn more than you?

Not everyone is in piles of debt "for the gram" Hmm

PinkCherryBlossoms · 10/05/2023 20:19

I agree buying a Range Rover is a big expense, I assume that family just has more money than you. Either earned or inherited.

The leases can be a few hundred a month, so that might be another explanation. There are discussions to be had about whether that's a financially optimum idea, but it certainly widens the pool of people who can afford to drive one.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 10/05/2023 20:29

HarrietStyles · 10/05/2023 19:57

It’s a shocking concept I know, but we speak to each other.

Show quote history

And you discuss all your finances? All details of your income and expenditures? And you know they're telling the truth about everything?

Schroedingersimmigrant · 10/05/2023 20:30

PinkCherryBlossoms · 10/05/2023 20:19

I agree buying a Range Rover is a big expense, I assume that family just has more money than you. Either earned or inherited.

The leases can be a few hundred a month, so that might be another explanation. There are discussions to be had about whether that's a financially optimum idea, but it certainly widens the pool of people who can afford to drive one.

Yeah i think 5 year old range rover can be had for about 300 a month?

GnomeDePlume · 10/05/2023 20:38

1offnamechange · 10/05/2023 18:40

surely it's obvious...the people with the new car and regular holidays perhaps aren't having cleaners and takeaways?

£30 a week for a cleaner, 2 mid range meals out for a family of 4 per month = easily £250 a month= £3000 a year = a family holiday!

Alternatively your combined income is £100k a year, theirs is £104k = they have (after tax) £3k extra to spend on a family holiday - fairly minimal wage difference (you wouldn't see any huge difference in you earning £52k and your friend earning £54k) is sufficient for a key expenditure.

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I think this is a very good point. If you don't always inflate your lifestyle to match outgoings to income that can create a comfortable cushion.

Gough20 · 10/05/2023 20:40

You know what, it's all relative really.
We have 2 brand new cars (bought outright), a yacht and holiday 3/4 times a year. But not once have I considered us wealthy. Fortunate, very fortunate, maybe.

I have friends who are titled/stately homes, and others who live in social housing. And everything in between. I. Don't.Care.

When we all get together the event is planned to suit everyone. Because that's life.

GuestStars · 10/05/2023 20:55

Some may be credit, but there’s huge wage disparity across industries.

My cousin is doing a Director level role for a local council. I know how much she earns cos there was a salary range on the job post on LinkedIn. I do a similar role in a listed company and earn 3 to 4 times as much as she does. There’s no way she would expect that, as we’re the same age, did the same qualifications and do essentially the same role.

So I can spend £105 on a Christmas tree without blinking 😂 She probably assumes the difference in our lifestyles in down to differences in what our respective DHs do.

Usernamen · 10/05/2023 21:01

Xenia · 10/05/2023 17:15

Better good point about when people start. Eg I deliberately did law at university and I went a year young at 17 so had graduated at 20 when a lot of people are still messing around on gap year after gap year. I married at 21 after post grad and we bought a small house when I was 22 and had baby no. 1 when I was almost 23. I always worked full time (no maternity leaves etc).

Some people mess around in their 20s, have various gap years or non graduate jobs after uyniversity so can end up being 27 and just getting started on a career I qualified into when I was 23. By age 30 I had about 7 years of experience full time as a qualified solicitor in London (and 3 babies) and we were on house no. 3 (no. 1 was terraced, 2 was a semi and 3 bought in 1990 and sold at a loss in 1996 (property crash_) was detached).

Very interesting post.

IME, people don’t want to accept that there are financial consequences to pissing about all through your 20s.

Tiredmummaoftwo · 10/05/2023 21:18

Loads of reasons as others have said;

Salaries are increasing a lot. I have friends in their late twenties on over £100k each and no kids. It's really not uncommon for people to be on that kind of money these days even though I understand that can be really disheartening for some people to hear.

Family money

Inheritance

Owning your own business

Drug cartels Wink

bjjgirl · 10/05/2023 21:58

Cost of housing- so mortgage free, low mortgage, lots of equity so cheaper borrowing

Salaries- private sector paid a lot more than public- my salary has raised 3k in 13 years- but it's a vocation so I live with it. My dp salary is over 110k and he works around 4 hours a day and has a lot more benefits making the wage higher such as car allowance / phone allowance and not contributing to pension

Cost of food- some people save a lot by meal prepping and not having coffees - it does add up

Mummyof287 · 10/05/2023 21:58

Either better paid jobs, inheritance, money winnings in competitions etc, or different circumstances which have made it easier for them to buy houses/build up savings/pay off their mortgage etc....Maybe some have done equity release.

The increasing trend of getting things on finance/credit has made it difficult to see who REALLY has money though, and who is just going round with expensive things they don't actually properly own/have paid for.

Also,whilst i'm sure many don't, there are still quite alot of self employed people who are scamming the tax and benefits systems.

Mumtum3 · 10/05/2023 22:08

BetterFuture1985 · 10/05/2023 14:58

Sometimes it's even simpler than this. Some people think they're careful but hemorrhage money that they don't need to spend. This becomes a lot more obvious when you do a D81 or form E in divorce!

My ex-wife tried to get spousal maintenance when we divorced and it highlighted a lot of areas of wasteful spending in her budget (needless to say, she didn't get it). For example, she would stuff her face on bags of chocolate every night and buy a coffee every day even though she could make one at home. She also bought luxury fruit for the children instead of things like apples and bananas. These things might look like tiny amounts of money - it was only about £6 a day - but over a year this wasteful spending amounted to over £2k. She also drank too much, something like 2 bottles of wine a week which at £6 a bottle equated to another £624. She also bought school dinners despite being a SAHM who had time to cook which was probably about another £400 a year in extra expense.

In contrast, my brother in law who supposedly earned less than I did could afford a nice holiday with his family every year. However, his cupboards weren't jammed full of chocolate, luxury biscuits, crisps and wine; they both worked and provided childcare so paid a lot less tax than us; and they cooked.

It's very easy to see how someone like my brother in law could afford nice champagne despite earning a lower salary because in contrast my ex-wife was careless with the small spending.

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I really don’t think your ExDW’s spending sounds that bad. Many people buy a coffee out every day - hence the massive coffee shop industry and the queues in them during rush hour in the morning. My husband buys several every day. And a £6 bottle of wine is a bottle of… well, plonk - no judgement but even just okay wine is probably double that. Many spend much more on wine. Life is for living too, not just penny pinching - in my opinion anyway. I’ve hit the chocolate and crisps hard now we go out less with the increased cost of living. But yes, I agree if you want lots of savings, being stingy will definitely help. But rather others living without any nice snacks than me personally. 😁

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