to ask how do people afford all these things ?

[kermitspants]

Me & DH have a fairly good/decent income between us. What with the cost of living increases etc and general costs to run a house for 5 of us, we don't/cant afford to have many luxuries. I see FB posts with friends (acquaintances) who:

Were celebrating the coronation at home with Fortnum & Mason champagne & hamper

Purchased a brand new landrover as a gift for their wife for Christmas

Brought their DC a brand new car for their 18th

Pop up marquees in the garden with the biggest TV screen for friends to come over and watch England playing

Christmas and the gifts are ££££££ with some people taking the DC to lapland (in addition of the summer holiday they had) and buying top of the range gifts/food/hampers

Have the biggest Christmas trees (ours is usually around 5 foot and costs around £50 (real tree) which I thought was a hell of a lot of money for a tree). Goodness knows how much the bigger trees cost

New York trips for Christmas

My 'luxury' for Christmas food was a posh bottle of M&S prosecco for the table along side Tesco food. I splashed out on a £14 posh bottle of fizz for the coronation, and that was pushing the boat out.

Am I missing something here ????

NB - those who think I am jealous, need not reply.

I know people who earn £1000 a day as consultants so can afford to buy their 17 year old son a £10k car!

Most people I know who splash out earn a heck of a lot of money (£500k a year plus) so can afford to. They mostly work really hard so I don't begrudge them.

All the self-employed people I know have pensions or similar investments. They're all pretty savvy and are careful to ensure their offspring will be well looked after when they pass away.

You either fritter away vast sums of money or you save large amounts/pay massive amounts into your pension.
I've done that calculator before and we are top 15% . So poorer than you. We have a large mortgage, pay for one child to attend private school (grandparents pay for the other child) and we go on multiple holidays a year. We aren't saving any money at this stage in our lives. We have savings from pre kids and will save again once they've flown the nest.

I never really understand these questions either. Some people earn more than others. Some people have no mortgages or childcare expenses so more disposable income. Yes, some people put these things on credit or live beyond their means but many people don't.

We would only be even slightly interested in one of those things - the trip to Lapland. We just went with the DCs in February and yes, it cost a few £K but a marquee in our (non-existent) garden would probably cost at least £1000 so I guess we're saving on that!
The rest of the time it's Morrison's or Waitrose for a treat, Vinted for my/the DCs' clothes (and DH doesn't believe in buying clothes, and I sell some on via Vinted too!), a meal out possibly at Bella Italia with a children's voucher once a month, takeaway from the chippy once a week. This BH Monday we went to a wildlife attraction (local residents' prices and a carer's ticket - £15) and had lunch in a cafe (£22 - DS didn't want a sandwich, only crisps and a drink!).

We are both professionals (but both work 0.8) and have a rental flat which gives a bit of extra income but we live in a cheap Northern city and only have one car.

The Mumsnet weekly "How do people afford this?" thread.

With the statutory answers of "With debt" - ie so pity them rather than envy or aspire.

Yawn

I think this is a common thread because there is a disconnect between the dream we are sold by capitalism, and the reality for many people. Yes we can all tell the person “sorry but most people are just more [wealthy/frugal/lucky] than you” but probably they’re actually looking for someone to acknowledge that it can feel a big shit when you work toward a certain lifestyle and find it’s unobtainable.

Cheesy but I find gratitude for what I have, especially the non fiscal things eg health and family, is the antidote.

Is everyone else around you with the same sort of life (age, number and age of kids etc) having holidays, new kitchens, garden renovations and this myriad of other things?

(If they really are, then I guess you live in a very expensive area, in which case your money is probably going on your house and you might need to downsize if you want all the other stuff.)

I knew a very showy couple. Full of themselves, always showing off about their new cars (they were actually leased and changed them every 2 years but pretended they bought them outright), their extension on the house, best restaurants, he boasted continually about his bonus of £200K in addition to his massive salary, they never stopped showing off to anyone who'd listen.

Then by chance and without looking, cos I don't care... it came about that someone who looked after a holiday home they had was indiscreet and basically, it was all a facade. A total facade. They were full of debt, they'd left a trail of unpaid bills connected to this holiday home, gas, water, elec cut off, they owed money everywhere including to this person who spilled the beans.

They still gave the impression they were loaded. I knew different.

@AliceMcK We paid our mortgage off aged 35, didn’t tell a soul. It came out about 18 years later when my older sister had just paid hers off and asked me directly. I just said we managed a few years ago. I am with your mate on this.

@HavinKittens We have had no mortgage since age 35 due to a stellar investment paying off plus houses were much cheaper then. Our children are young adults. That’s what I mean about it being a rough tool. Though in top 10% of earners so that’s decent, that paying off of our mortgage has meant a very different lifestyle for us.

My friends would earn similar to me but all have different priorities about how they spend money. Some are single parents, have multiple children and a big mortgage. Some are foodies who love to eat out, others prefer beauty treatments, fashion or travel. Im married with one child have a small mortgage. I love to cook, eat out and travel but spend zero on beauty treatments, couldnt care less about cars and spend as little as possible on clothing.

There are bullshitters on MN, of course, which has included people cosplaying poverty as well as riches.

But you surely know housing costs are colossally varied, that people's circumstances can differ so much depending on where and when they bought? Of course that's going to make a huge difference to anyone's life. We're a decile or two below you in that calculator thingy but with our £500 per month mortgage, I bet my household's disposable income is much higher. That's not being a fantasist, it's being northern.

That's a very simplistic response! When I was still teaching we all roughly knew what each other earned, published pay scales, but there were wildly varying lifestyles. I came in for a lot of snide comments because we would go to the Staes regulary and our daughter was in an Independent school, the comments came from those who had the latest car usually in finance, fashionable clothes, gadgets, upgraded their homes regularly and were out clubbing most weekends whereas we had fairly old cars, rarely went out and had a house suitable to our needs but nothing special.

I think lots of people earn more than others realise tbh. People think my DH is 'just' a tradesman but he has his own business and earns loads. People think I 'just' work in sales but I earn over 50k a year. We are mid forties so have a very small mortgage.

We've got a lower standard of living than a lot of people I know as we are improving our home and paying off historic debt.

Cars are often on HP, people earn more, have no debts, have had inheritances have lower or no mortgage or possibly are using credit. It's impossible to say

@PinkCherryBlossoms Yes I understand.

Even if I could save a good £500 a month, it would take me a while to save up for a fancy kitchen and it would be a choice between that and the fancy holiday.

I think I’m trying to make the point that statistically not everyone is loaded. We can all tell our own personal stories but the office of national statistics will remind us that the wealthy are not in the majority.

Those are also jobs where the income range is incredibly varied. Things like sales, trade, IT... pick a number basically!

Do they have 3 DC of dependent age?

Maybe that ties into the thread questioning if a third child costs more or not

Credit/ finance/ loans especially for cars.
Some people earn a surprising amount especially those in tech or finance, big bonuses.
Family money.
Lucky on the property ladder so no mortgage (we paid ours off by 40 as bought first property very young in 1990s plus had some modest inheritances).
Different priorities. We stash lots in pensions, save for kids uni/ house deposits. Others like to enjoy money in the here and now and don't really have any savings.

We've spent a lot doing up our house but drive old crap cars because we love our house and cars to us are just a mode of travel not a lifestyle choice, but i respect that cars are really important to others.

All about priorities. I prioritise my health and fitness and spend £280 a month on a personal trainer (2 sessions a week), which some people would absolutely balk at. But. I feel absolutely fantastic and its changed my life, and my mental health.

I choose not to buy myself clothes regularly, and I get my hair cut once a year pretty much. I cook basic meals and we don't drink or have expensive hobbies. We have old cars and a small house. We don't go on elaborate days out etc. I gratefully accept hand-me-downs. I don't buy loads of make up or expensive items. The spending habits of others is a fascinating window into their worlds and their priorities.

Obviously not everyone is loaded, no. I wouldn't call myself loaded, but it wouldn't be an either/or between going on a nice holiday and saving £500 a month for a new kitchen. A big part of that is because of low spending on things the ONS leaves out.

The ONS is just a really blunt tool. It can't not be, when it doesn't include housing which is the biggest expense for most people, and childcare which is a huge one for many. We pay about £100 a month for childcare, if I were a betting woman I'd say your costs are much more than that. Which would go some way towards explaining the disparity in disposable income!

We have had no mortgage since age 35 due to a stellar investment paying off

I always read similar on here but what investment was it? In real life I know lots of people who actually lost money re investments.

Silly question really when everyone’s circumstances are different!

Those people have more money than you - simples. You thought you earnt well until the COL crisis hit. Those who "have" will moan about it but won't change anything they do as they can take the hit

Can’t speak for the other things but my company send out fortnum hampers (containing more bottles than I could possibly get through alone) for Christmas and birthdays so even though I’m skint I always have fortnum champagne on hand for when I need to bring a bottle to special occasions 😂

I think this is a common thread because there is a disconnect between the dream we are sold by capitalism, and the reality for many people. Yes we can all tell the person “sorry but most people are just more [wealthy/frugal/lucky] than you” but probably they’re actually looking for someone to acknowledge that it can feel a big shit when you work toward a certain lifestyle and find it’s unobtainable.

i agree