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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how do people afford all these things ?

449 replies

kermitspants · 10/05/2023 12:27

Me & DH have a fairly good/decent income between us. What with the cost of living increases etc and general costs to run a house for 5 of us, we don't/cant afford to have many luxuries. I see FB posts with friends (acquaintances) who:

Were celebrating the coronation at home with Fortnum & Mason champagne & hamper

Purchased a brand new landrover as a gift for their wife for Christmas

Brought their DC a brand new car for their 18th

Pop up marquees in the garden with the biggest TV screen for friends to come over and watch England playing

Christmas and the gifts are ££££££ with some people taking the DC to lapland (in addition of the summer holiday they had) and buying top of the range gifts/food/hampers

Have the biggest Christmas trees (ours is usually around 5 foot and costs around £50 (real tree) which I thought was a hell of a lot of money for a tree). Goodness knows how much the bigger trees cost

New York trips for Christmas

My 'luxury' for Christmas food was a posh bottle of M&S prosecco for the table along side Tesco food. I splashed out on a £14 posh bottle of fizz for the coronation, and that was pushing the boat out.

Am I missing something here ????

NB - those who think I am jealous, need not reply.

OP posts:
Bloatstoat · 10/05/2023 15:01

My SIL would appear like this from her Facebook. She and her husband are high earners, but have 4 cars between them and so far this year have taken their kids to centreparcs twice, a break in Ireland and skiing as well as having a family holiday to America booked for the summer. Their house is immaculate and her husband always has the latest model phones etc. Most of the spending is driven by him. They have a terrifying amount of debt and she is seriously stressed by it all, they had to borrow £££ from FIL last year to avoid disaster but have kept on spending. He seems to genuinely enjoy it, I'm not sure she gets any real satisfaction from it with the toll it takes on her mental health.

DeflatedAgain · 10/05/2023 15:03

Unfortunately a house of 5 is pretty expensive these days, OP.

Bewilderedandhurt · 10/05/2023 15:04

Most people buy cars on finance so if you can manage the monthly payments you can drive a new car. Not many fork out the full value of the vehicle.
I suppose you don't actually know how much people earn or the state of their finances.

Hoolahoophop · 10/05/2023 15:08

I often wonder how others afford the lifestyles I see. New cars, beautifully decorated houses with new furnishing and lovely accessories. When I have very few of those things and have a very high income. Then I realise I could have them but instead chose to pay off my mortgage and save for 'the house' and a pension. They may make money go further than me, or they may spend their money while I horde mine like scrooge mcduck.

whathaveyoudonelately · 10/05/2023 15:10

@BetterFuture1985 - your poor ex- wife- chastised for buying 'exotic fruit' and a £6 bottle of wine.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 10/05/2023 15:10

I honestly think the same.

I know two different scenarios:

One friend, husband is a massive earner, she's a SAHM, lovely big house, exotic holidays, days out etc never want for anything but day to day they don't spend much. They still budget at asda, they wear Primark clothes, don't splurge on fancy trainers or designer handbags. So they have the money for the 'bigger stuff'

Another friend is a single parent with children, no maintenance from their dad and seems to spend money like its gone out of fashion... absolutely NO IDEA how she does it! I'm guessing in this situation credit cards and loans.

TheHandbag · 10/05/2023 15:11

Credit cards if members of my social circle are anything to go by

Endlesssummer2022 · 10/05/2023 15:11

They are drug dealers or in the Mafia. These are the only possible explanations.

There seems to be a distinct pattern of threads on here now. The ‘how can people afford stuff’ threads alternate with the ‘I saw a dog in a shop’ threads. The OPs must be working in shifts.

frankgu · 10/05/2023 15:12

People really underestimate the benefits of family money even just been able to get on the ladder at a very young age would mean masses of equity later on with the historical rises.

Kennykenkencat · 10/05/2023 15:12

Blueisthecolour1 · 10/05/2023 14:45

Some people are richer than you

It isn’t about being richer it is being smarter with the money you had

Years ago I was watching an article about a couple with 2 dc who were complaining that they couldn’t manage on £3600 per month

At the time I was managing on £2000 per month and out of that I paid for everything and sent 1 child to private school and went abroad for a holiday every year.

Vouchers, deals, freebies, cashback and 2nd hand sites made it possible. (Also having my handbag stolen and the thief continued to use my Tesco clubcard for years after really helped with the holidays)

However if I told anyone that most of our clothing was picked up off eBay and this or that was a brilliant deal I would be looked down on and told that they were too busy to use the information.

frankgu · 10/05/2023 15:12

Also crime does pay & it's far more common then people realise!

DanceMonster · 10/05/2023 15:12

whathaveyoudonelately · 10/05/2023 15:10

@BetterFuture1985 - your poor ex- wife- chastised for buying 'exotic fruit' and a £6 bottle of wine.

Quite. God forbid anyone should feed their children any fruit more expensive than apples and bananas.

frankgu · 10/05/2023 15:13

It isn’t about being richer it is being smarter with the money you had

🙄

PinkCherryBlossoms · 10/05/2023 15:14

Vouchers, deals, freebies, cashback and 2nd hand sites made it possible. (Also having my handbag stolen and the thief continued to use my Tesco clubcard for years after really helped with the holidays)

I'm obviously sorry your bag got nicked but that's fucking hilarious.

Crumpleton · 10/05/2023 15:19

I'd never spent £14 on a bottle of wine or £50 on a Christmas tree that'll be on show for a week or so at most then binned if not rooted. So a saving of £64 for me on two items alone.

Some people live on the never never and don't give it a second thought.

A friend moans that she has hardly any money, smokes but sees her cigarette spending as a necessity whereas I don't smoke and put that money towards other things.
Comes down to priorities, each to their own.

TheAudie · 10/05/2023 15:20

I find it so funny that on these posts so many people seem to be delighting in the idea that anyone that they perceive to be doing better than them financially must be up to their eyeballs in debt.

in reality:
you have NO idea what money is coming into anyones house: even if they tell you… they could be lying. They could have inherited; have a high earning job, trust fund, lottery win, gifts from parents, an only fans page, income from stocks and shares.

You don’t actually know what they are prioritising and not spending money on.

We live in a house which I think is very fancy (4 of us in one bedroom as kids…
so I think I live in a palace). We are not loaded, but worked out way slowly up the property ladder: and don’t go on many holidays abroad or drink alcohol, so save money that way

HavinKittens · 10/05/2023 15:20

Okay so using the institute for fiscal studies calculator, our household income is more than 91% of the country. So we’re in the top ten earners.

And yet currently we cannot afford a holiday or a new kitchen or a garden renovation or myriad of other things I would love to splurge on.

So, everyone else has inherited wealth? I can’t believe that large sums of inherited wealth are really that common. Or last that long.

It puzzles me.

Tophy124 · 10/05/2023 15:20

We have one child, you have three. We therefore have a lot more disposable income than if we had three children to feed and pay for. Three children is a luxury for some, we know we couldn’t afford it and our lifestyle.

PinkCherryBlossoms · 10/05/2023 15:21

HavinKittens · 10/05/2023 15:20

Okay so using the institute for fiscal studies calculator, our household income is more than 91% of the country. So we’re in the top ten earners.

And yet currently we cannot afford a holiday or a new kitchen or a garden renovation or myriad of other things I would love to splurge on.

So, everyone else has inherited wealth? I can’t believe that large sums of inherited wealth are really that common. Or last that long.

It puzzles me.

Iirc that calculator doesn't ask about housing costs? Which may well be your explanation.

frankgu · 10/05/2023 15:25

@HavinKittens that's based on paye only I think & you can't overlook housing plus there are millions in the 10% bracket.

TheAudie · 10/05/2023 15:26

And @kermitspants the jealousy is just so obvious from you! How dare other people have nice things

DanceMonster · 10/05/2023 15:26

HavinKittens · 10/05/2023 15:20

Okay so using the institute for fiscal studies calculator, our household income is more than 91% of the country. So we’re in the top ten earners.

And yet currently we cannot afford a holiday or a new kitchen or a garden renovation or myriad of other things I would love to splurge on.

So, everyone else has inherited wealth? I can’t believe that large sums of inherited wealth are really that common. Or last that long.

It puzzles me.

We must have a fairly similar income and yet we can afford holidays etc. No inherited wealth. So you must have higher costs than us somewhere. Do you have a very large mortgage?

ttcat37 · 10/05/2023 15:26

How much do you and they earn? Perhaps they just earn more than you? Or have inherited?
We have friends that were very lucky with buying/ selling their last house, made loads on it when they sold, have a really small mortgage as a result. If you’re saving £500+ on a mortgage per month that will pay for nice holidays, big Christmas, treats etc.

frankgu · 10/05/2023 15:27

So, everyone else has inherited wealth? I can’t believe that large sums of inherited wealth are really that common. Or last that long.

I don't know any of my peers who bought in London without help & 6 fig help was the norm. My brother just sold his 650k flat to someone buying it for their dc.

HavinKittens · 10/05/2023 15:28

Yes we have an above average mortgage.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that sometimes on mumsnet it feels like everyone has LOADSA money but I suspect it’s not representative, at best, and maybe fantasist in some cases.