Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being mum means missing out - again!

125 replies

Bertbear · 09/05/2023 19:25

AIBU? My partner and I have two small children (4 year old and 5 month old). We’ve been invited to a surprise birthday party for one of our friends and initially said we would go, but now we don’t think it’s wise due to wanting the baby kept in a routine at bedtime. My partners first suggestion was that he would go and I would put the baby to bed, then get to the party later once I’d handed over to a relative to stay with the children. (Why not both arrive late and go together??!)

I thought from further conversation we were on the same page about neither of us going, however my partner told me today he’s planning on going and needs to be there early for the ‘surprise’, which means not only am I not going but I’ll be doing bedtime for both children on my own.

OP posts:
Toomuchtrouble4me · 10/05/2023 18:00

Just tell him that you’d like to go for the surprise and he put kids to bed? Draw straws?

GoodChat · 10/05/2023 18:02

Toomuchtrouble4me · 10/05/2023 18:00

Just tell him that you’d like to go for the surprise and he put kids to bed? Draw straws?

They're his friends and she doesn't want to go alone

gogohmm · 10/05/2023 18:03

No, it's not being mum, it's being inflexible. Either take the children (if suitable) and let them fall asleep at the party or let a sitter do bedtime.

JenWillsiam · 10/05/2023 18:09

Of course it makes more sense for him to go - they’re more his friends. Why would you both miss out? And why would you go if there his friends?

BustyLaRoux · 10/05/2023 18:31

I voted YANBU but then when you said (a) you hate going to things on your own and (b) they’re more his friends, I’ve changed my mind.

H007 · 10/05/2023 18:48

YABU, it’s his friends more than yours and why are you missing a party because of a bedtime? If you don’t think the babysitter you’ve chosen would handle bedtime get another babysitter who would.

meganorks · 10/05/2023 18:53

It sounds like you are the one making this a drama. You could, for one night, have someone look after the kids so you can go, but you don't want to. As a surprise party, it is important that people are there for the surprise. And you have said that they are more his friends than yours, and you wouldn't want to go on your own anyway! So I really don't see why you are begruding him going. Particularly if you can join later once the kids are in bed (something, again, you don't have to do)

Wexone · 10/05/2023 18:57

Its something that's not liked but i always remember an old women that i worked with ( who sadly no longer with us) would always say to women when they announced they were pregnant, make sure you get a good babysitter and get time for your self. Children are a joy but sometimes you need to remember you are name 1st before mum. Is the party close? You can start getting a babysitter to help you ? or as people say let him go 1st then put kids to sleep, leave with babysitter and join after. its up to you what you want to do however live with your decision

Kaiserchief · 10/05/2023 19:11

We have a ‘rule’ of if it’s your friend, you go. This is mostly child-free weddings etc though where it’s impossible to cover with a babysitter. I’d just get a babysitter and both go. I missed most things in the first year mine were babies as they were chained to my boobs.

Yourcatisnotsorry · 10/05/2023 19:23

So because you don’t want to disrupt routine he’s never allowed to go out? Yabu and creating problems were there aren’t any.

ohjeesus · 10/05/2023 19:26

I don’t understand this obsession with routine! Its one night!

Pollydarling · 10/05/2023 20:10

Bertbear · 09/05/2023 19:28

😂 I like your thinking! It would be tempting but I hate going to things on my own and its
more his friends than mine

His friend so let him go early and join him later? Don't understand the issue here at all?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 10/05/2023 21:17

Him making the assumption you'll do all the parenting when he wants to go out is wrong - however, I think you're being overly rigid for the ages of your children (if you mean you can take them with you), and I think as their his friends it's ok for you to go late. When it's your turn, he can return the favour. Don't ask, tell him that.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 10/05/2023 21:17

It honestly feels like you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

Mamabear48 · 10/05/2023 21:58

What an ass.

MustWeDoThis · 10/05/2023 22:27

Bertbear · 09/05/2023 19:25

AIBU? My partner and I have two small children (4 year old and 5 month old). We’ve been invited to a surprise birthday party for one of our friends and initially said we would go, but now we don’t think it’s wise due to wanting the baby kept in a routine at bedtime. My partners first suggestion was that he would go and I would put the baby to bed, then get to the party later once I’d handed over to a relative to stay with the children. (Why not both arrive late and go together??!)

I thought from further conversation we were on the same page about neither of us going, however my partner told me today he’s planning on going and needs to be there early for the ‘surprise’, which means not only am I not going but I’ll be doing bedtime for both children on my own.

No. You're choosing to miss out. You're choosing to not allow baby one night out of routine, or whatever it is you have decided. You can go, there really isn't anyone stopping you apart from yourself.

MTUDGE · 11/05/2023 06:36

Be generous and agree he should go early so he sees his friend.
Then you go next time. It’s all a juggling act, you’re going to miss stuff, that’s life, but you don’t have to let it get to you.

Harry12345 · 11/05/2023 08:03

I voted yanbu until I read it’s his friend.

Dinosaurus123 · 11/05/2023 10:07

Why is the babysitter unable to deal with bedtime? You make it seem like it's an impossible task, if they don't go down then they stay up, as long as they're happy who cares for one night?!?!

Idontcareboutthestateofmyhair · 11/05/2023 12:05

Sorry but you are being unreasonable as in not wanting to disrupt your baby's routine.. for one night?? Catch a grip, stop being difficult and go to the bloody party. There is going to be a lot of this over the next 16-18 years! Children aren't an excuse to put your life on hold (unless you want them to be!) and they are very adaptable and resilient.

Original poster
Bertbear · 11/05/2023 21:42

Mamabear48 · 10/05/2023 21:58

What an ass.

Who are you calling an ass?

OP posts:
Samlewis96 · 12/05/2023 10:59

Greybutterfly · 09/05/2023 19:32

Stop putting your whole life on hold for the sake of a bedtime routine. It’s also important that you spent time with your friends and your partner

This exactly!

Samlewis96 · 12/05/2023 11:05

NewNovember · 09/05/2023 21:44

No under six months all skeep including naps needs to take place in the same room.

Show quote history

Since when? Is this the latest fad? And why? My kids were put in cradles for naps in bedroom. Nothings happened to them because of it. In fact DD2 was moved out of my bedroom when sleeping through before 3 months old

JandalsAlways · 12/05/2023 11:33

GalileoHumpkins · 09/05/2023 19:27

It's one bedtime, is it really that disruptive just to leave them both and go to the party? Is there another reason he doesn't want you to go?

Agree, your baby is only 5 months so won't be in a proper sleep pattern yet anyway. Go and enjoy yourselves!

Stewball01 · 20/05/2023 00:40

It sort of sounds like he'd prefer you not to go. And he sounds very selfish. Are you happy?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page