A complete idiot. Strung along for 5 years

[Viviennethebeautiful]

Met partner 30 years ago. He was my Big Boss. Vvvv well known womaniser.
I returned 15 years ago as a v senior member of his staff but in a strange situation where each director was located in different town .
No clue what his view my appointment was but I was strongest candidate and 10 person panel including politicians. Think he probably wasn’t my greatest supporter
Been together 4.5 years. Long past us both retiring. Live v close 3 mins walk Didn’t move in together.
In Covid tho did everything together.
He said he would marry me on his significant birthday. Suddenly convo dropped not long before the big birthday

Our reason for marrying was that if whoever died last got £1500 every month till the day the survivor died, pension deal. Tbf we both wanted our wealth for our own children. Never expected anything except pension. None of our children or estate to be shared We are the only people who could benefit. Otherwise it goes back into the general pension pot for our profession

Last birthday he went to NZ after my birthday but before the weekend. Just me but I don’t ever celebrate before Would have liked a party.
This year (wedding year) nothing happened, ok but I would have liked a ring.
No discussion.
No Xmas present and a guide book for NY ( he’s taken at least 4 others before) for birthday.

can anyone explain any of this? I know he doesn’t want to marry me but I have been kind and I can’t explain how much this hurts.

I know I need to end it, but can anyone give me positive stories. I feel such a fool

Exactly this, if a man was posting about whether it was worth hanging around til a woman died to gain £1500 he’d (quite rightly) have his arse handed to him.

so cold and callous.

Fair point

My post should have been, had I been not so worked up and tipsy,
I have been with a man for 5 years but known professionally for over 30. He initiated conversations about marriage, I was happy with this, but they started during covid when no weddings were possible.
Then he set a date for his 70th birthday in March 2023 Again seemed fine.
I wanted it to be just the two of us, so little organisation needed. No mention since the end of last year.
My son was marrying in December 2022so my attention was on that and I didn’t want to take from son’s three times postponed wedding (covid related). Thought we would just organise ours quickly before his 70th birthday a month ago. Never happened. I loved him , I believed him. Tried to rationalise it by saying there was even a financial benefit to marriage.
Bottom line I loved him, am dreadfully hurt and should never have mentioned the bloody money. My birthday, last week just rubbed my nose it it as he made no effort.
I am hurt but much wiser for the inputs from the contributors on this thread
.
thank you

From your original post, I wondered if you might have had a glass of wine or two but in fact you were being brutally transparent and honest and that was rather more helpful. He was a well known womaniser who used you during the strange covid years, promising marriage which was all but impossible at the time. You already had him on a bit of a pedestal I think. You fell for the covid, needy version he presented. He’s back to normal now OP and has conveniently (for him) reneged on his promises and is moving on as he always does. This shows you exactly who he is….the true version, the man he has always been.
I’m really sorry you are hurting, as countless women before you have been probably.
Your hurt won’t last forever OP. Good luck picking yourself up and don’t for one minute blame yourself. You are kind and he is inherently selfish.

Sixty one years young. Drop the time waster and enjoy your life!
I would go completely no contact. So much to look forward to and this guy doesn't need to be part of it.

Thank you all. I have ended it
@LAMPS1 your honesty was invaluable. The fact you always tempered it with compassion helped me hear you more quickly and clearly.
Thank you

Wishing you all the best for the future.

Onwards and upwards now. You are only 61, you still have a wonderful exciting and adventurous life to live, without any concerns about your ex partner.

I think you've had a lucky escape!

Knock it on the head now and invest time in you!

Im a bit confused
Are you happy in your relationship?
Because if so: just ASK the man what is up. What happened to your plans of getting married etc.

You are just speculating now. Ask him. Then he will tell you. Or won't. But at least you know what's up

Jolly wel done @Viviennethebeautiful

£50 says he'll book the NYC trip any day now.

Advice: NYC is nowhere near as cool as it's portrayed (I've lived there) and the 7 hour flight next to a total prick won't improve that.

Leave him. 61 isn't old. I'll be 79 in August and my divorce, in my 40's, was the best thing I've ever done. If it wasn't for my children I'd have wasted over 20 years of my life.
Spending time with a no good man is ridiculous. Are you one of these women who have to have a man around? I don't care if I never see another man, except for my son and grandsons. You'll be happier when this relationship is done and dusted.