DD is 25 and wants to study veterinary medicine in Europe!

[SouperMario]

Hello,

DD is 25. She has worked in politics/journalism since she graduated uni. Most people in her position I think would be very pleased with how their career is going, but I think she has become disillusioned with it all and she wants to change career.

Ever since she was little she has adored animals and wanted to become a vet until she turned 16/17. She regrets not following through with this dream and now claims there is nothing else she wants to do. She still lives at home (because she cannot find accommodation in London that will take her pets 🙄).

She cannot afford to study in the UK as she is not entitled to any government funding. She recently inherited 40k from my father and has announced she intends to use this to fund her studies abroad in Eastern Europe and become a veterinarian. She can just about afford it but she will use up all of her savings as well as her inheritance.

Am I right in thinking she is mad to consider this? I wanted her to use that money as a deposit for a house in the near future, if she goes ahead she’ll stand no chance at saving up a similar figure in my lifetime. By the time she graduates (if she actually does) she’ll be 32 and at the early stages of her career - will she be giving up the chance to start a family?

I might be overthinking this, as she hasn’t even been accepted. She’s just at the very early stages, that being said, she is incredibly stubborn and if she wants something, she tends to work until she gets it. I just think she will be making a terrible mistake if she does it.

I moved to the UK to do my master's degree at 25, and I got a DH, two lovely children, and a whole wonderful life and career I couldn't have dreamt up. She is an adult. Be supportive and try not to worry.

She's 25. She's got to make her own decisions!

“By the time she graduates (if she actually does)”

”she is incredibly stubborn and if she wants something, she tends to work until she gets it”

Bit conflicting. Support your daughter. She’s an adult, it’s her money, her life and her risk. If she wants something it sounds like she’ll work to achieve it. Her ideal life may not look as you envision, and that’s completely ok.

Is the qualification even transferable?

By the time she graduates (if she actually does) she’ll be 32 and at the early stages of her career - will she be giving up the chance to start a family?
Most women in professional jobs are not having kids at 32. Maybe she doesn’t even want kids. It’s her life.

if she goes ahead she’ll stand no chance at saving up a similar figure in my lifetime.
Why not?
Are you already in your 70s?
The vet I know in London is on 60k and only about 4/5 years into her career. It can be very lucrative.

@Confrontayshunme I am glad to hear it all worked out well for you. I honestly wouldn’t have a problem with her going abroad for a masters. My concern is this course is 6 years long.

Nothing to do with you. Either you support her or hinder her.
You do realise you can have a family and a job right? In fact has she even said she wants children. Lots of young people now are opting out.

Fast forward,she has a property and is stuck in.a job she doesn't like. What's the point? It's better she follows her dream.

Your daughter has to decide what she wants to do, you need to respect her choices. If you think her choices are wrong, you need to shut your mouth (aka shut the fuck up)

What about her pets? Is she expecting you to look after them?

Does she have the scientific qualifications necessary? I'd think they be different from those required for journalism. Does she speak the language to a technical depth? Will the qualification she achieves be recognised as the same as the UK qual? Or will she have to stay where she qualified?

Ultimately, you can have an opinion but you can't stop her.

Ah good for her. Wish I'd been brave enough to do this.

It is her choice whether you agree or not. To be honest your post comes across quite self focused. It is based on what you think rather than what could/will make your daughter happy

She'll do it anyway. Because she's an adult.

Let her do what she wants. So what if she qualifies in her 30s. What impact does that have on you?

I have a couple of friends that went abroad about aged 23 to do Dentistry in Prague, they did their under-grads here and they didn’t have the A-levels to do Dentistry here so did it abroad instead. What I see their lives have gone well, albeit they’re men so maybe don’t have the same baby issues!

She’s 25 not 55! Good for her. At 25 she has 45 years left of working most probably - and if she graduated at 21 she’s only 4 years into her working life. Glad she’s not sticking out the next 4 decades working in something she doesn’t enjoy.

@saveforthat Not discussed this but I doubt she’d be prepared to leave them. I think she would take them with her.

@PollyPeptide Nope. No relevant qualifications after GCSEs. She did get all A/A* at GCSE, including the sciences and maths. She’s looking at courses that include a foundation year (or their European equivalent) which will add an extra year of expense.

I should add, part of my anxiety comes from the fact she was born with a medical condition that increases the chances of miscarriage or could even prevent her becoming pregnant at all. I know she is anxious about this impacting her chance to have children.

It's a mum suppose to support her childrens dreams .. 🤷🏻‍♀️ she 25 .. still so young with a lifetime in front of her .. be honest with her about your worries but let her know you will support her in what she does

I think the only mistake is to forget to live the life you want. Tell her its a risk, but that you back her taking her own path. Discuss what you can and can't support with over the six years.

As a vet my first question would be is she sure she wants to do it and does she really know what the job entails? A huge number of vets quit after 4-5 years due to burn out. There is a big mental health problem in the profession. The hours are long, the job is hard and you are dealing with the public all the time. Also the pay really isn’t that great (it is getting better slowly though) for the qualifications needed.

Secondly not all European universities are recognised by the RCVS so she may have to take additional exams to work in the UK.

Having said all that I love my job! And her age is not a barrier to it at all. I know lots of people who started university later than your daughter who have gone on to successful careers and have families. If it’s what she really wants then you should support her. But I would advise her to talk to some actual vets and spend some time in practice first.

Many of the Eastern European vet degrees are taught in English so no problem there.
Many people do second degrees in veterinary medicine and go on and become good successful vets. There was a lady on my tear who was 44 when she graduated. I currently have a French national who graduated from Romania at 30.
People have babies whilst they are still at vet school the two are not mutually exclusive.
The UK is crying out for vets and whilst the salaries have until recently been far behind similar professions they are now rising due to the lack of supply.
If she has chemistry and maths a levels she shouldn't need a foundation course.

Vets earn very good money, don't they? And we are short of vets in the UK, our vets practice has a lot of vets from Eastern European countries. So she would likely be fine to go, qualify, and come back and be on a really decent wage by 40.

The baby issue is more difficult. Yes, there is a chance she could find herself ttc at 39/40/41 and struggling. But also she could conceivably get pregnant at that age with few problems - some women do - or decide she doesn't want kids at all anyway. And she may not need to wait that long anyway; you said qualified and starting to work at 32, so she could easily do a good three years of working and have a baby at 35. However that shakes out though, it isn't really your business. You can mention it to her, in a "retraining could mean putting off kids until much later, and possibly not having them at all if you're unlucky" kind of way but beyond that, it's nothing to do with you I'm afraid.

Should add RCVS recognises Bucharest University vet med course,

Has she done any work experience with a Vet ?

Because "adores animals" is not really the reason to become a Vet (I;m not a Vet btw)

She'd need to do work placements with all animals
Cats,dogs,small pets. Reptile , birds , horse
Farm -including animals to slaughter
Laboratory animals

I was in our Vets once , a man came in and said "My dog's just been 'got' (I hought he meant stolen, he meant mated against her will) . How much to terminate"
The Vet Nurse said depending on size about £30-£40
He then said "How much foe a life termination" (ie euthanise"

Can she deal wih people like that who view their animals as disposable ?

She'd need to find the qualifications , be fluent in lingo (its like learning a new language in any medicine anyway)

Being a vet is primarily working with people. Does she love that aspect of it? Has she done plenty of work experience so she knows what it's really like, nowadays? Mainly dealing with badly bred brachycephalic dogs and trying to justify spiralling costs to the clients.

Apart from that, being a vet is not as well paid as some think. Salaries range from 30 to 50k which is not to be sniffed at but it's also not going to make up for the huge cost. Plus those salaries are usually for a 48 hour week which makes them look better compared to standard 38 hour a week jobs.

I don't know anything about the technicalities of studying abroad since Brexit, or whether she would automatically be entitled to RCVS membership. Presumably she has checked this.

I wouldn't worry so much about the childbearing aspect. She can have children on the course or after. Presumably she will have a partner who would be able to support her during maternity leave. You don't need to do years of training after your degree to be a vet - it would be good to do a year or 2 in practice before having a baby and going PT but there's no need, it's not like medical training where it's difficult to do with a young family.

So if she knows what it really entails and the reality of the job then support her - but I would encourage her to think about alternative careers using the qualifications and experience she already has, and keep animals for a hobby.